UPDATE: “Let Me Tell You” is a series of fiction pieces about internet villain archetypes, unintended to be interpreted as real. We apologize to new readers who were confused.
You logged on just in time to make it to the raid. You were excited, because based on last night’s attempts, you were confident that your guild would take down Deathwing and plant his jawbone in the middle of Orgrimmar. As you headed to the auction house to buy flasks, something struck you as odd. You were naked. Perplexed, you opened the character screen and saw that, were it not for your guild tabard, your rotting Forsaken private bits would be on display for the whole world. Of Warcraft.
A little more frantic now, you opened your bags. Empty, save for a few stacks of teleportation runes. You blinked to the bank, where your worst fears were confirmed: you were hacked. Your guild might be taking down Deathwing, but they were going to do it without you. Naked mage DPS is slightly worse than even arms warrior DPS. You would have to suffer the indignity of being benched for the night while your comrades gathered to take down the terror of Azeroth. Staring blankly at the computer screen, lost in the despair of losing your raid spot, you wished a thousand and one deaths on whomever was evil enough to do such a thing to you.
Jiang was the eldest son of a peasant family in southern China. »