Slacktory

Posts Tagged “what your favorite x says about you”

  1. guys names

    What Your Name Says About You: Guys Edition

    I’ve taken fifty seventy-four guys’ names and made assumptions about them.

    Male people: If you want me to add your name, tell it to me in the comments and I’ll update the post.

    Aaron: You ruined a perfectly good hardwood floor by carpeting it wall-to-wall.

    Adam: Your mother disapproves of every girlfriend you ever have, but she’ll never admit it, just passive-aggressively belittle them at family gatherings.

    Adrian: You wish your phone would autocorrect you in hilarious, bloggable ways.

    Alex: You’re always down to try new food.

    Andrew: You blow-dry your hair, and sometimes you shower twice in a day.

    Anthony: You’re friends with your Walgreens cashier.

    See what 45 other first names say about the guys who have them. »

  2. compass app sucks

    What Your Favorite iPhone App Says About You

    • Shazam: You’ve never asked someone what song they were playing since the day the whole bar laughed at you for not recognizing “Paranoid Android”.
    • Evernote: Librarians ask you for help. The police call you to solve crimes. You have parented nine gifted children, only three of them biologically yours.
    • Calculator: Your favorite color is beige.
    • FourSquare: You show up at other people’s dates. You join in. You’ve gotten laid six or twelve times this way, depending how you count it.
    • Color Splash: You’ve photographed six weddings and like two million fenceposts.
    • Pandora: You are a Thai restaurant.

    See what other iPhone apps say about you. »

  3. cute girl wears headphones

    What Your Favorite Music Genre Doesn’t Say About You

    I feel like I’ve seen a million of those “I’ve got you pegged” type of pieces based on some critieria: music, film, TV shows, etc. Well this is an “up yours” to all of those.

    Classic Rock—Your nightmares have subtitles.

    Crust—Making an ashtray in ceramics class was a defining moment in your emotional development.

    Grindcore—Last summer you taught yourself Mandarin.

    Speed Metal—Everyone knows how much you love to bake.

    Thrash—People praise your politeness and subtle charm.

    Punk—The smell of fresh woodchips makes you remember your great aunt, who was an exceptionally strong woman.

    Hip Hop—The pizza guy from Domino’s is on a first name basis with you.

    Rap—You specifically request ‘no ice’ when you order coffee.

    Emo—You know a lot about craft beer.

    Read more stereotypes that don’t apply to you, you perfect snowflake! »

  4. SFW Porn

    What Your Favorite Kind of Porn Says About You

    Amateur: You’re hoping one day you’ll see your crazy ex on here.

    Anal: At restaurants, you keep filling up on bread.

    Asian: You just wish they sounded happy.

    BBW: You have grabby hands.

    Big dick: You’ve tried the “gay porn” section a few times and it honestly didn’t do much for you, but men who pretend to be physically sickened by it are lying, you know it.

    Big tits: You have a favorite pro wrestler.

    Read a bunch more, including bondage, hentai and tranny. Why… why am I listing porn genres, what is my life? »

  5. What your cigar grip says about you

    What Your Favorite Blog Says About You

    Gawker: You tell your friends jokes about their ethnicities and sexual orientations. They grin and say “Bitch!” and pretend to smack you.

    Huffington Post: Most of your pleasures are guilty pleasures.

    Daily Kos: You own a “Disappearing Civil Liberties” mug.

    Laughing SquidYou own an unconventional bicycle.

    BuzzFeed: Your giggle is too high-pitched.

    Gizmodo: You correct people in conversations that you overhear in public.

    Lifehacker: You know where your pens are.

    Read more. Then tell me your favorite blog so I can tease you about it. »

  6. Guitar Hero buttons

    What Your Favorite Video Game (Series) Says About You

    If your favorite game isn’t listed below, tell me in the comments and I’ll tell you what it says about you.

    Halo: You regularly visit your old frat house.

    Minecraft: You’re a very attentive lover.

    Dead or Alive: You spit a little when you talk.

    Team Fortress 2: You unfavorably compare “anime-ized” modern cartoons with Tex Avery classics.

    Starcraft: You like cooking, but not baking.

    Wii Sports: You have other couples over for “taco night”.

    Call of Duty: You have bedhead.

    Read a bazillion more. »

  7. Life spinner

    What Your Favorite Board Game Says About You

    Yahtzee: People often compliment your sweaters.

    Clue: You know how British TV works. (Also you call it “Cluedo”.)

    Settlers of Catan: You can identify multiple kinds of sake by taste.

    Scattergories: You’ve successfully contested a parking ticket.

    Risk: You have unresolved issues with your parents.

    Battleship: You eat ice cream too fast and get brain freezes.

    Apologies to fans of Cranium. »

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