A response to people who demonize Facebook and Twitter addiction.
Posts Tagged twitter
Celebrities: they’re just like us, but with SO many more Twitter followers. Maybe that’s why regular people feel comfortable tweeting starstruck nonsense at the world’s most influential social media users. I assume—or I hope—they figure it’s just going to fly under the radar of the rich and famous, and no one will ever notice that they communicated some embarrassingly dopey sputterings to their favorite famous person.
Nothing flies under our bottom-feeding radar, though, so here’s some tweets that answered celebrity blather with even less impressive online repartee:
It is safe to say that topical Twitter parody accounts are literally the funniest and most epic thing in the entire “cyber-verse.” Remember all those Big Bird jokes from a couple months back? Trite, unoriginal garbage, right? Okay, now hold on a second. What if the person telling those jokes—was pretending to be Big Bird? I’ll give you some time to process that.
These days, it seems like every major news story has an accompanying topical parody account. Kate Middleton is pregnant? Parody account. Kanye West wears a skirt? Parody account. A natural disaster devastates the Eastern seaboard? Parody account.
If 2012 was “The Year of the Meme” (a phrase I am working to trademark) then 2013 is shaping up to be “The Year of the Topical Parody Account” (again, working to trademark). Here are my predictions for the Twelve Funniest Topical Parody Accounts of 2013:
Has @Horse_ebooks become self-aware? And has it started self-promoting?
Some background: It is thought that @Horse_ebooks, the funny Twitter robot that chops and screws snippets of text from ebooks and marketing pitches, then regurgitates them into surreal found poetry on Twitter, is entirely automated, and that its aleatory tweets are the happy by-product of a misguided and nonsensical attempt to market ebooks.
Facebook is topping all our news feeds with obnoxious brand posts, while hiding updates from pages we actually liked. Clicking to hide the post leaves me feeling impotent. My colleague Henry likes to leave stupid comments on these promoted posts, punishing the brands for so desperately chasing his likes.
It looks like Kevin Matuszak is doing that, but on a grand scale. He’s begging Applebee’s to hire him, in a Facebook comment thread that’s gotten 182 comments and 265 likes. And whoever runs the Applebee’s Facebook page has been responding every now and then, checking on his progress — and then helping him along. They’re trying to turn it into a publicity stunt. A very silly, stupid, actually-fun publicity stunt.
On Monday, Kevin wrote on the Applebee’s Facebook timeline: “hi, can I work for you?” They replied, “Check if your local Applebee’s is hiring!”
But Kevin said he wanted a job at corporate. And he kept bugging them. With updates like these:
Yo momma is the largest city in America. Batman and I don’t understand each other. Guess what I’m wearing shorts lol jk. These are a few of the texts Microsoft thinks you want to send to other human beings.
WPWordFlow is a relatively new Twitter account that explores the predictive text feature on Windows Phone 8. According to the profile, “Every word except the first one is added sequentially using Windows Phone 8’s suggested words bar.”
Some of them make total sense:
Run Forrest Gump
— WPWordFlow (@WPWordFlow) November 20, 2012
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.
— WPWordFlow (@WPWordFlow) November 19, 2012
Who can afford to buy a book written by Robert Downey Jr
— WPWordFlow (@WPWordFlow) November 19, 2012
With others, you can’t help but sense a bit of the stereotypical Microsoft nerd seep in:
Last night (and into this morning), Twitter people were playing #LessInterestingMovies. I feel like we’ve played this hashtag game many times before. Which makes it less interesting and thus PERFECTLY SELF-REFERENTIAL.
Yesterday, Twitter users listed fake last lines from famous books.
I’m not sure whether this tag started as something sincere; after a while there were plenty of people quoting the actual ends of all the Hunger Games and Harry Potter. But there were also all these good jokes:
“Gold, silver, platinum? Gauche. The classics are iron, silicon, carbon. Those are the elements of style.” #LastLinesFromGreatBooks
— James Callan (@scarequotes) November 13, 2012
And the last and most important rule: If you drink the last of the cider house coffee, make another pot. #LastLinesFromGreatBooks
— Charles R. Kaiser (@ckaiserca) November 13, 2012
Vrunt is highly imaginative. That’s pretty much all I know about him. Seems like that sums him up as a person, yep.
Why I oughta? – philosophical stooge
— vrunt (@vrunt) August 7, 2012
“ah, come in. i haven’t been expecting you.” the chair swivels round to reveal Yakov Smirnov in spanish inquisition garb.
— vrunt (@vrunt) October 16, 2012
‘baby its cold outside’ duet where the girl’s part is all screamed
— vrunt (@vrunt) October 21, 2012