The internet’s pretty much the best thing ever. It’s where these words live. (The words you’re reading!) But wow, some people do not understand it. Or worse: they do, and they’re jerks about it.
Maybe these people have disguised a banner ad as a software download link (or worse: a “close this window” link), or they’ve designed a restaurant website so it auto-plays a crazy jazz song while you just try to find the restaurant menu.
Which is why we should send them to a farm.
Not, like, a death farm! Nothing like that. Just a nice farm out in the country where they can hang out in the sunshine and pick crops and not ruin the goddamn internet for everyone for fuck’s sake.
Imagine this: A business man who embedded a MIDI on his corporate website back in 2009 carries a bag of corn to a barn. He passes a woman who insisted her company’s website have a Flash intro, and she’s driving a tractor and having a great time. She waves at a herd of SEO guys, and they all wave back! They’re painting a barn or doing something equally farm-y, and they’re just having a blast. Look at ‘em, wiping their sweaty foreheads with their power ties. They are super happy at this farm I invented for internet jerks.
Listen, that’s all I had to say about this weird farm idea, but let me tell you a couple things that happened while working on the title graphic for this post… »