Slacktory

Posts Tagged “porn”

  1. wetlook porn on YouTube

    #WETLOOK: Safe-for-work porn. But definitely porn.

    A beautiful blonde wearing a red blazer, a black mini-skirt with dark L’Eggs underneath, a golden brooch, and white blouse walks up to the side of a pool near the stairs. Slowly she descends, fully clothed, into the water until she is fully submerged. She rises out of the water, all of her nice business wear soaking wet and ruined, and begins to swim around playfully.

    If this scenario is something you find arousing, you might have developed an affinity for a niche fetish known as ‘wetlook.’ It looks like this (warning: it’s pretty unsexy for non-aficianados):

    Watch the safe-for-work porn of clothed women in water. »

  2. Red Cross porn truck

    Riding the porn truck into blacked-out Manhattan

    After Sandy, ten of us had volunteered specifically for this mission. I was still woozy from donating blood, but I hung on tight to the van as I swung back and forth, dipping an arm inside, swinging it back out again with a fresh Hustler, flinging the magazine to an open-mouthed boy on a stoop, swinging back in for the next copy.

    We were behind schedule. We’d wasted a half hour painting a giant red cross on either side of the U-Haul, and then Ed spent another fifteen minutes finishing a girly-girl on the hood, as if anyone wouldn’t already know our mission.

    Our mission as the Volunteer Porn Brigade was to help the blacked-out victims of Hurricane Sandy by delivering first aid and distributing traditional non-electronic pornography.

    Read on for tales of homebrewed coffee and Blacks on Blondes. »

  3. spam-email-good-man

    The weirdest spam email wants love and commitment, not boners

    If there’s one thing we all know about spam emails, it’s this: Spam robots want to talk about your wiener. They want to sell pills for your wiener, or they want to touch your wiener and you should really click through to their profile; they’re just so lonely and a good wiener touch is all they want.

    For over a decade, spam emails have focused on sex and hookups and porn and V 1 A G R A, all in an attempt to speak to your most basic carnal desires. That’s all I thought they ever did.

    At least I thought that up until yesterday, when I finally got a mature spam email.

    Check out how unhorny this spam robot sounded. »

  4. The throne is made out of like a hundred dildos

    Chapter titles for the inevitable “Game of Thrones” porn parody, “Winter Is Coming”

    • Making water
    • Milk of the poppy
    • Awake the dragon
    • Valyrian steel
    • Stick them with the pointy end
    • Gods Eye
    • In his cups
    • Boiled leather
    • Deeper than swords
    • Hot pie
  5. Not Safe for Work Default Wallpapers Mac Goats

    Your Desktop’s Not Safe for Work: 9 Prank Wallpapers

    If your place of business has strict IT admins you’re likely stuck with whatever desktop background they’ve selected for you. But if you’re lucky enough to be able to change your wallpaper, that means you can change your co-worker’s wallpaper as well.

    We recommend you take this opportunity to change their desktop to something beautiful and totally offensive (e.g. anything from Reddit’s /r/offensive_wallpapers). Or you could use one of our default Windows/Mac backgrounds with more subtle offensiveness. Either way you’re going to make their day more interesting and/or get them fired.

    Check out our gallery below. »

  6. Best Porn Comments Twitter avatar

    Follow Friday: @BestPornComment

    BEST PORN COMMENTS finds and tweets the best non sequiturs, mush-mouthed appreciation, and body snarks left on internet porn.

    The account started on April 1 with this:

    https://twitter.com/BESTPORNCOMMENT/status/186455236209160194

    Followed in two minutes by this:

    https://twitter.com/BESTPORNCOMMENT/status/186455653206851584

    And so on…

    See the rest of Best Porn Comments’ best tweets. »

  7. Data Points: Wine and Spiders

    • Talk to your kids about paleontology before it’s too late. [22 Words]
    • Second Cheapest Wine, a College Humor ad parody featuring Slacktory friend Laura Willcox [Tastefully Offensive]
    • Pee-wee Herman does the voices in the Dark Knight Rises trailer [YouTube via Coudal Partners]
    • Turning male pornstars into passionate musicians. [YouTube via Reddit; also see Pornchestra]
    • FUCKING_BUG_EXPERT knows a lot about insects et al, and swears a lot. [Reddit user page]
  8. not porn folder

    Reddit’s ‘How Did You Hide Your Porn?’ Thread Will Make You Nostalgic for Old-School Wiles

    Remember back in the day when hiding things wasn’t as easy as clicking “delete history” or browsing in incognito mode? Tell a kid today about trying to find Dad’s Playboy or ‘borrow’ a cousin’s Judy Blume book, and they look at you blankly. (Yes I know Judy Blume isn’t technically porn, but hey. We took what we could get.) These pop culture references are no longer relevant. Jokes about the topic fall flat with anyone under 25, maybe even 30. People stream what they want, when they want it. No subterfuge or secret agent tricks required. Personally, I think they’re missing out.

    Redditor eithris seems to agree, and so he poses the question, “What lengths did you go to as a teen to hide your porn?

    He tells of a time when he was 14 or 15 and managed to get his hands on a VHS copy of Debbie Does Dallas:

    Now, my mom seemed to have this 6th sense for detecting porn. No matter what I did to hide it, she could find it. I used all kinds of tricks to hide dirty mags and movies. Clever carpentry on the dresser in my room, secret compartments where the paneling was loose in a closet, hiking 6 miles into the woods and burying my stash behind a waterfall in a sealed ammo box, she found them all, every single time.

    So I really liked this tape, because it wasn’t a recording of a recording of a recording on a crappy VCR setup. It was the retail version in all its glory. I thought I had the perfect plan to keep it hidden. We had an extensive non-porn movie collection, and I had a TV/VCR in my room and a shelf of movies. So I went and bought an extra copy of one of the movies we already had but didn’t watch all that often, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.

    I removed the tape roll from Indiana Jones and transplanted the porn, put it back together and it worked perfectly.

    I stuck “Indiana Jones” on the back of the bookshelf where the movies in my room were, and for almost a year nobody else noticed we had two copies of Indiana Jones.

    Things went downhill quickly the day the original Indiana Jones VHS was destroyed and his mother tried to watch his copy.

    Read more for truly absurd hiding places and tales of getting busted. »

    • Ferlin Husky
    • The Gully Jumpers
    • The Browns

    The Awl: Grand Ole Opry Members Who Have Automatic Porn Names by Joe MacLeod

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