Slacktory

Posts Tagged “online dating”

  1. Famous fedoras of OkCupid

    I’m sick of getting messaged by all these fedora dweebs on OkCupid. Here are some of the worst losers who’ve messaged me.

    Fedora dweebs Gene Kelly

    Wow, didn’t think you were gonna molest me but now I do.

    His interests include “supposing toeses are roses” and “singing in the rain.” Jesus Christ, Jazz Hands, get a new manic pixie dreamschtick.

    See how twelve other fedora-wearing idiots hit on me. »

  2. Okc_ebooks: Pick-up artists trying to chat up a robot horse

    Okc_ebooks creator Sam Kriss made a fake female profile on the dating site OkCupid, through which he responds to unsolicited messages from men with quotes from @horse_ebooks, the surreal Twitter bot that streams nonsensical snippets of text. The result: dozens of conversations from horny men desperately vying to have sex with a robot.

    fat-cock-up-your-ass

    That men on dating websites are desperate enough to forge conversations with aleatory internet patter is not in itself surprising. For women who receive an abundance of unsolicited messages from men, it is effortless to reject a would-be suitor. There is no need to give an “I have a boyfriend” or even a “no.” Thus, to some men, any response at all from a woman is encouragement enough to try to keep the conversation going, even if that response is “Almost immediately Together Turned immediately Immediately Immediately Immediately Immediately Immediately Immediately Immediately.”

    What’s surprising is how perfectly Okc_ebooks illustrates how pickup artists degrade communication. »

  3. “Curvy” means fat.  Not a chick with big boobs and a big ass but otherwise reasonably fit proportions, as a reasonable layman would expect it to mean.  “Curvy” means “I am fat but I have big tits. And I don’t want to be lumped in with these inferior small titted fatties, and besides when guys look at me they don’t see ‘fat,’ they see ‘tits,’ so the defining feature of my physical being is tits and I’m gonna put ‘curvy.’”

    OKCupid: Fatties by Delicioustacos

  4. Marla OkCupid banner

    12 More Guys Chat With Marla the Psycho OkCupid Lady

    Thank you for the universal praise for “20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid“! We’re proud of every commenter ever for recognizing comedy, irony and hyperbole! Everyone saw clearly how the butt of the joke is Marla herself, because we explained it super-clearly because we’re very professional and perfect. As a reward, here are 12 more conversations with Marla, a crazy person made up for a fake OkCupid account.

    Because OkCupid decided this joke was too good to let slowly devolve into a tired gag, they’ve closed Marla’s account. This will be the last-ever collection of Marla’s OkCupid conversations until she makes another account.


    See the rest of Marla’s little chats! »

  5. Marla OkCupid banner

    20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid

    The world is fucked. If you are single, you’re fucked. If you’re married, you’re probably going to get divorced, so you’re fucked too. Online dating is taking over, and it’s as bad as everyone says it is. The general population is morphing into lazy, fake, desperate, and creepy weirdoes on the internet, and I did a little experiment to prove it.

    I made a fake profile on OkCupid based on a character I created, named Marla. Here’s what Marla’s profile looked like. Please note that in my profile picture, you can’t see my face, boobs, butt, or anything that would indicate that I’m physically attractive whatsoever. Oh come on, that’s a hot shoulder. — Ed.

    The goal was to be as incredibly weird, rude, and unattractive as possible to see if guys would still talk to me. Seriously, who would waste more than 0.05 seconds on this white trash bitch? A LOT OF PEOPLE, APPARENTLY.

    See how 20 guys responded to my fake profile. »

  6. All Comments on the Baby Name Database Where I’m Researching My Next Article

    Theory: Any page, left alone long enough, will become a dating site (and/or a forum on the inferiority of other races/genders/orientations).

  7. dating spreadsheet

    Other Ways “Creepy Finance Guy” Tracked His Dates

    Did you hear about the New York finance guy who tracked his dating life with an Excel spreadsheet? There’s some argument over whether he’s creepy or just anal. Before you decide, consider his other date-tracking methods:

    • Evernote scrapbook of lipstick-printed napkins
    • Pinterest board for each date’s dream wedding
    • Powerpoint presentation on why third base is a no-brainer
    • Basecamp for wingmen (pro account)
    • MS Paint annotations of Match.com photos
    • Geni family tree of possible remote relations based on discreetly obtained hair samples
    • Copy of Getting Chicks Done
  8. IRL stories banner

    IRL Stories: Pickles, Gangbangs and Aretha Franklin

    Have you ever met an online friend in real life for the first time? Cartoonist Monica Ekabutr illustrated three IRL stories from Slacktory fans below.

    Come see. There’s no actual gangbang, sorry. »

  9. grandpa-and-grandson-on-laptop

    Online Dating Throughout the Years

    Age 4: Joey, we’ve been over this several times: Daddy’s not going to be able to find you a new Mommy if you keep changing his match.com interests to “poop.”

    Age 15: Are people seriously not allowed to put up naked pictures on these things? Bullshit. Let’s go back to Redtube.

    Age 20: Hey, let’s start a fake profile for Kevin. You know, the douche from Sig Chi! Here, I’ll get us started. Interests: “Being a douche.” Haha, classic!

    Keep aging. »

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