Slacktory

Posts Tagged “Marla”

  1. Marla on productivity

    Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Productivity

    Hey guys I’m back with some advice. Sorry I’ve been MIA…I’ve been out lookin’ for love in all the wrong places again. I tried online dating for the eleventh time and let’s just say I’m still singlin and minglin. I met some really crazy dudes who were only lookin for one thing if you know what I mean and what I mean is they were lookin’ for my vagina.

    Well last time I talked about food and this time I’m talkin about productivity. I answered some new questions and hope that you leave a question about travel for me in the comments section below for next time or else Slacktory will fire me and I won’t be able to pay my cable bill which won’t even matter cuz I steal cable from my neighbors so take that Slacktory lol jk.

    Dear Marla,

    Why can’t I ever pay attention when I watch movies?

    Sincerely,
    That Person That Always Asks Questions During Movies

    See Marla’s answer, and four more questions. »

  2. Marla OkCupid banner

    12 More Guys Chat With Marla the Psycho OkCupid Lady

    Thank you for the universal praise for “20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid“! We’re proud of every commenter ever for recognizing comedy, irony and hyperbole! Everyone saw clearly how the butt of the joke is Marla herself, because we explained it super-clearly because we’re very professional and perfect. As a reward, here are 12 more conversations with Marla, a crazy person made up for a fake OkCupid account.

    Because OkCupid decided this joke was too good to let slowly devolve into a tired gag, they’ve closed Marla’s account. This will be the last-ever collection of Marla’s OkCupid conversations until she makes another account.


    See the rest of Marla’s little chats! »

  3. Marla OkCupid banner

    20 Guys Trying to Bang a Total Psycho on OkCupid

    The world is fucked. If you are single, you’re fucked. If you’re married, you’re probably going to get divorced, so you’re fucked too. Online dating is taking over, and it’s as bad as everyone says it is. The general population is morphing into lazy, fake, desperate, and creepy weirdoes on the internet, and I did a little experiment to prove it.

    I made a fake profile on OkCupid based on a character I created, named Marla. Here’s what Marla’s profile looked like. Please note that in my profile picture, you can’t see my face, boobs, butt, or anything that would indicate that I’m physically attractive whatsoever. Oh come on, that’s a hot shoulder. — Ed.

    The goal was to be as incredibly weird, rude, and unattractive as possible to see if guys would still talk to me. Seriously, who would waste more than 0.05 seconds on this white trash bitch? A LOT OF PEOPLE, APPARENTLY.

    See how 20 guys responded to my fake profile. »

  4. Marla #5 Title

    Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Food and Cooking

    We tried to hire a dating columnist for Slacktory, but Marla was all we could afford. Also see her advice about datingfamilyhousehold hints and neighbors.

    Thanks for all your questions from last time about cooking and food! After you read the answers, please ask Marla your questions about productivity.

    Dear Marla,

    Since the holidays are here, can you please suggest a good pair of pants with an elastic waist band? This problem happens every year…I can’t clear my plate, because I always pop my jeans.

    Thanks!
    Mary

    Marla: ‘Ur gonna want to shop in the preggo section at walmart.’ »

  5. Title Pic Marla #4

    Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Dealing With Neighbors

    We tried to hire a dating columnist for Slacktory, but Marla was all we could afford. Also see her advice about datingfamily and household hints.

    Thanks for all your questions from last time about neighbors! After you read the answers, please ask Marla your questions about cooking and food.

    Dear Marla,

    I have a problem with my neighbor’s dog. The damn thing barks all day long. It even wakes up my baby and baby mama. What can I do? I’m afraid if I kill it my neighbors will burn my house down. Help!

    Sleepless

    Dear Sleepless: I dont approve of hurtin animals but try chocolate. »

  6. Title Pic Marla #3

    Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Household Hints

    We tried to hire a dating columnist for Slacktory, but Marla was all we could afford. Also see her advice about dating and family. Thanks for all your questions about household hints! We apologize in advance for Marla’s answers.

    Dear Marla,

    I am having a centipede problem in my house. Can you tell me how to get rid of them?

    Sincerely,
    Bugged-Out
    I hope ur not talkin about human centipedes. »

  7. Title Pic

    Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Family

    We tried to hire a dating columnist for Slacktory, but we’re working on a budget so Marla is all we could afford. Also see her previous advice.

    Dear Marla,

    My friend’s dad cheated on his mom and he’s so depressed. How can I help?

    Sincerely,
    Cheater

    First of all define ‘cheatin’ cuz it has several meanings. »

  8. okcupid

    Marla the Shitty Advice Columnist: Dating Tips

    We tried to hire a dating columnist for Slacktory, but we’re working on a budget so Marla is all we could afford.

    Dear Marla,

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and it’s been amazing. However, I’ve just been accepted to a veterinary program in Philadelphia, PA, which is pretty far from our home in Atlanta, GA. Working with animals has always been my dream but if I leave, I know this will be the end of us. I know he loves me but he doesn’t show me the support I need and I’m not sure I want to give up my dreams just yet.

    Sincerely,

    Confused, age 33
    Atlanta, GA

    Read Marla’s advice. »

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