Slacktory

Posts Tagged “Google”

  1. Politicians

    What Google Images Thinks of Hillary Clinton, Mitt Romney and Other Politicians

    We liked “Celebrities and What Google Image Search Suggests You Add to Their Names” so much, we’re doing it with politicians. These are all real suggestions from Google Images.

  2. Snooki with no makeup

    Celebrities and What Google Image Search Suggests You Add to Their Names

  3. Larry and Sergey Google bros

    This Shit Matters #2: Google’s New Privacy Policy, Straight Talk Edition

    On March 1, Google rolls out a new privacy policy across all its services. They told you it was important, but you didn’t read it. I translated it line-for-line into PG-13 straight talk so you’ll actually pay attention. I also translated the new terms of service.

    This shit matters starting March 1, 2012, and will replace the old shit. Please see our overview page for extra shit.

    Google is useful as fuck. You can find things, share things, make things, whatever. When you tell us shit about you, we make it even easier for you to do things with our things. Who doesn’t want that? So we want you to know what exactly we do with the shit you tell us, so you don’t accidentally tell us some embarrassing shit.

    Our Privacy Policy explains:

    • What we want to know and why.
    • What we do with it once we know it.
    • What you can and can’t tell us, and how to edit and update what you’ve already told us.

    We’ve worked really, really hard to dumb it down, but quite frankly this is the internet. So if you don’t know what a cookie is, or that you’re using a browser, you should probably do some fucking research, because we’re not trying to teach “Things you should learn in 2003″ here. We’re, uh, we’re from the future here at Google. Really learn this shit, and then let us know if you have questions, except questions that we’ve already answered. Those are the worst.

    So first, let’s learn the shit we’re gonna learn about you. »

  4. Scumbag Google logo

    This Shit Matters #1: Google’s New Terms of Service, Straight Talk Edition

    On March 1, Google rolls out a new terms of service across all its services. They told you it was important, but you didn’t read it. I translated it line-for-line into PG-13 straight talk so you’ll actually pay attention. I also translated the new privacy policy.

    This shit matters starting March 1, 2012, and will replace the old shit. Please see our overview page for extra shit.

     

    ‘Sup!

    Thanks for using our Services. We love it when you use our Services! In case you’re wondering, the magic happens at 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA 94043, United States.

    Oh, hey, by the way, since you’re using out Services, you’ve already agreed to some rules. Which rules? These rules! So read them. We want you to know the rules, obviously, because if you break them, you’re fucked whether or not you’ve read them.

    Our shit does practically everything. Seriously man, it’s really fucking incredible how much you can do with Google, and sometimes we have extra rules for our most powerful stuff. You can find those rules in those places. Follow the rules, or else don’t play with our toys — that seems straightforward, no?

    First rule: Don’t dick around with our shit. »

  5. Modest Mouse

    If Your Favorite Websites Were Musicians

    Google: Modest Mouse

    You started out with the same humble origins as everyone else, but then right around 2004, something changed: you hit the big time. And don’t get me wrong, everyone is really happy for you. We’re just…we’re just not really sure if we can trust you anymore, you know? Power corrupts, after all. You’re still popular and probably will be for years to come, but that, quirky, offbeat cred you were capitalizing on for so many years? Yeah, it’s time to let go of that.

    See what bands are like Facebook, Twitter and Yahoo. »

  6. Troll Google logo

    Google Goggle Hllhr Fiifle: When to Use Every Google Typo Domain Squatter

    If you want to use the back entrance: Gooogle.com, Gogle.com, Foofle.com

    Maybe things have gotten a little stale between you and Google lately. Maybe, late one night, you find yourself combing through back pages of your old LiveJournal in search of a former flame’s phone number (Why did you ever stop using Dogpile, anyway? Rachel’s right – you are too picky). Maybe you hear a cough over your shoulder and you turn your head, and it’s Google, wearing a shoulder-length blonde wig.

    Maybe it’s time for a little role play.

    “Call me Gogle,” says Google. “No, wait, that’s dumb. Call me Gooogle. Or, waitwaitwait, how about I’m a sexy French maid? Yeah, that one’s good. Bonjour, bonjour! Je m’appelle Foofle. Voulez-vous turn off safe search? ;)”

    Spicy.

    See also: Googl.com, Google.net, Googlee.com, Gppgle.com

    See uses for all the other misspelled Google URLs. »

  7. Slackgeist

    Slackgeist 2011: The Year in Stupidity

    Google’s Year in Review video may have commemorated the serious moments of 2011, but it missed all the stuff we actually wasted our time on. I hope Slacktory’s Year in Stupidity makes up for that.

    Watch our more realistic year in review. »

  8. this post will be huge

    12 Harsh Truths About the Internet

    Life is pain, princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trolling for pageviews.

    See the 12 hard truths, starting with the horror of YouTube cats. »

  9. Justin-Timberlake-is-impressed

    I Feel Small and Confused About Facebook Being Worth $100 Billion

    So Facebook is likely to go public next year at a $100 billion valuation. And this is the moment I became a grandpa who didn’t understand anything, because I can’t wrap my head around how a company made of people sitting at computers might be worth three times as much as, say, General Motors, a company that makes fuckin’ cars, with machines and factories and tools.

    Facebook would be bigger than Disney, which makes movies and TV and has a fleet of theme parks with rides that could sometimes kill you. It’d be bigger than Amazon, which has warehouses full of stuff to ship.

    Apple’s bigger. But Apple has factories. »

  10. Google-plus-quits

    The + in Google+ Interviews for a New Job

    Mr. *: So why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself? You’re not the type of glyph we usually see around here. Why the transition into publishing?

    Mr. +: Well, first off, thanks for the opportunity to meet with you today. So… my current position is just not quite panning out. And now I see I was made for, well, work like what you guys are doing.

    I was a huge nerd in high school. I wanted to be one of the guys in the woods behind the bleachers, carved into a tree declaring “Ryan + Tiffany 4 Eva”. No such luck, all I ever did was math—well, I also dabbled in computer programming.

    Mr. *: I know what you mean, we can’t all work between the “y” and the “s” in Macy’s! I’m an asterisk, not a star! Heh heh. Ahem. So, can you give me a bit more of your background? What were you doing before your current job?

    Read the rest of +’s interview. »

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