So… how was your Thanksgiving? Looking forward to Christmas with the family?
Posts Tagged food
Last summer, a guy known as Luckyshirt got a burrito with all the fillings put in the wrong way:
Jesus. So he wrote an elegant tirade at the poor fool who had fucked it up. A sample:
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
Luckyshirt’s righteous anger got him over 60,000 notes on Tumblr, a rarified level of glory for anyone but teens making amiable life observations.
And then this weekend, the vlogger NineteenPercent did a dramatic reading of that rant as part of her “Tiny Tirade” series. She nailed the timing and made her own interpretive decisions, rather than simply reciting the text with the exact implied tones and tempo. What I’m saying is that this is art.
Broccoli Rob is a real live children’s entertainer who feels exactly like a charming mockumentary character
“I go to the school weeks after the show, and the kids come over to me and say, ‘Hey Broccoli Rob, I ate my spinach last night!’ or ‘I ate my broccoli!’”
Broccoli Rob wears a green wig and sings about fruits and vegetables to schoolchildren in Long Island. He does a martial-arts bit, he has a Lady Gaga parody, and from afar, as my friend Cole Stryker pointed out, he looks eerily like weirdo comedian Scott Gairdner, and his promo video sounds just like a Gairdner bit. But he’s really real! He’s also a normal adult country musician named Robert Poe.
62% of American office workers usually eat their lunch in the same spot they work all day. Is this true? I have no idea. But that’s what the creators of the Tumblr Sad Desk Lunch say, so I believe them.
Sad Desk Lunch chronicles those wax paper-wrapped, Tupperware-contained moments of midday depression-mitigation collectively known as lunch.
What makes these so depressing are those little bits of personality, desperately added to keep morale from flagging, to remind the lunch-packer that he or she is a person with preferences and needs and feelings and not just the occupant of a chair, facing a computer, so easily replaceable, so entirely unloved — a slice of lemon.
I normally avoid BuzzFeedesque “Amazing” “Insane” headlines, but this woman is about to be everywhere because of her apparently legitimate, crazy yet eloquent reaction to a Burger King bacon ice cream sundae.
She’s not a marketing plant, given her critique at the end. But she may be a very good actor, placing her cameraperson across the restaurant for a savvy added layer of cinéma vérité.
Hot Cheetos and Takis. That’s my favorite snack.
— Y.N. Rich Kids
Over 2.5 million viewers have watched “Hot Cheetos and Takis” over the past month and many have looked up at the sky and asked the god of all snacks, “Lord of snacks, what is a Taki?”
Takis are a corn chip snack from Mexican company Barcel, a division of the food conglomerate Grupo Bimbo, the same company known in the USA for selling Entenmann’s brand desserts. Takis come in five flavors: Guacamole, Salsa Brava, Crunchy Fajita, Fuego, and Nitro. The name Takis is derived from Taquitos, small rolled up tortillas with a meat or cheese filling that are fried and from which Takis derive their shape. While Takis are easy to find in the Southwest United States, in the North they are normally only found in Mexican specialty stores or bodegas that carry other imported snacks from Latin America.
I asked some neighbors who had never tried Takis to taste test each flavor. Do Takis live up to the hype?
Oh god everyone else already knew about this and I didn’t. “Hot Cheetos & Takis” is a hip-hop song that’s been climbing up YouTube for three weeks. It’s kids singing about Hot Cheetos, which are a food, and Takis, which are another food. The group is called Y.N.RichKids and the goddamn Washington Post wrote them up.
But about this song! They have “snacks on snacks on snacks”! And an earthquake-bass video effect that I want to use in something! And one mush-mouthed kid at 2:45 who, I am told, has been compared to Mystikal.
I will now go around saying “Oh that? Yeah I liked it when it was called Titties and Carrot Cake.” Because that will make me feel comfortable and “hip” despite the clear evidence that my grip on pop culture is slipping.
Ice cream marketing has always been this weird. It’s sold out of trucks on the street. It’s named after jam bands. In New York City we call it gay, and big.
You’re just used to all the other weird ice cream marketing. This man eating off his own head is no weirder. Just newer.
Today I grabbed lunch. And they fucked up my order. And I fucking panicked. Because I knew I’d have to complain to someone.
And then I panicked because I accidentally ate bleu cheese and that’s nasty.