Slacktory

Posts Tagged “fan fiction”

  1. Then he turned to the corpses behind him and picked up some more gold, then he picked up some more gold then he picked up some more gold then he picked up some more gold then he picked up a strange-looking hood which he immediately knew that some strange force would prevent him from putting on his head even though it was clearly the right size then he picked up some more gold then he picked up some more gold then he picked up an axe which wasn’t as nice as his own axe then he picked up some more gold then he picked up some more gold then he picked up some trousers and realised that he’d somehow passed the last two decades of his life without ever having worn trousers before so he put them on then he picked up another axe and even though it looked exactly the same as his current axe he just knew demons would die slightly more quickly if he hit them with this new one instead then he picked up some more gold then he picked up a sword and a necklace and some gloves and some more gloves and a double-ended spade and some more gloves.

    — The Tao-Lin-esque short story “Diablo III: The Unofficial Novelisation” [Rock Paper Shotgun]

  2. Whitney the Last Airbender

    Whitney: The Last Airbender

    “Whitney, your twin sister, Outsourced Cummings, represented a significant investment to NBC,” the NASA Business Commission executive mutters, “We’d like to talk to you about taking over her contract and enlisting in the Avatar program.”

    Whitney Cummings mouthfarts, “psshhh, what’s with the serious pants attitude!?” The NBC exec looks confused. “Whitney, you understand that your twin sister is dead, right?” Whitney rolls her eyes and slinks back in her chair, “it’s all cool dude!” Then she burps.

    The flustered NBC executive strokes his devil beard and says, “Listen, we’ve got a pilot ready to launch on Thursday night. We need you to take over your sister’s mission – you have the exact same genetic make up as Outsourced, you’re the only one who can do it. Please! Whitney! Our planet is desperately low on Ratium and we think you may be our only hope of survival. We need to send you to the planet Avatar so you can convince the Avatar tribe to move their Avatars so that we can mine for the Ratium. Please! PLEASE WHITNEY PLEASE!” Whitney’s all like “Yeah whatever dude I’ll do it, I’m always down for a par-tayyy!”

    The next five years of Whitney’s life are spent inside a tiny space ship en route to the planet Avatar… »

  3. Siri bangs Worf

    Nick and Siri: Siri Writes a Novel

    I discovered Siri’s secret project, and it’s gross.

    See what she’s been working on. »

  4. Beverly Drive Chihuahua: A Fan Fiction

    “I give you a five minute window. I don’t sit in while you’re running it down, I don’t help you kidnap the dogs, I don’t carry a gun… I drive. ” Ryan Gosling explains to the dognappers while maintaining a meaningful facial expression. Ryan Gosling’s modified super car idles outside of a luxurious Beverly Hills mansion. The dognappers don Sarah Jessica Parker masks and exit the car.

    Ryan Gosling waits intensely.

    One of the thugs returns to the car, tossing a pink handbag in the back seat. “Come on, come on!” Inside the house we hear crashing and yipping. “Come on… I’m going back in for him!” to which Ryan Gosling replies, “You got two minutes.” The thug jumps out of the car and runs back into the house.

    Ryan Gosling hears more yipping and distant sounds of police sirens. The time limit is almost up, and the police are rounding the corner. The dognappers are nowhere in sight. Ryan Gosling floors it! Cool 80s music starts to play!!

    Ryan Gosling calmly weaves in and out of the LA traffic while remaining virtually invisible to the police helicopter’s search lights. He’s able to pull it off because of his enchanted fingerless driving gloves and magic scorpion jacket.

    Suddenly the voice of Drew Barrymore speaks from the back seat, “Hello? What’s going on? Are you my chauffeur? Ew, why am I in a Chevy Impala? I am a chihuahua!” Ryan Gosling swerves the car, exclaiming, “Holy shit a talking dog!”

    Oh my god what happens next? You’d better see! »

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