Edited by Bryan Menegus
Inventor of Post-its wishes: Dear Evil Genie, Hi. Love your work. I’d like to be able to drink coffee after 5pm and not end up being up all night. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The Evil Genie replies: When you arrive home from work at 5:32 pm on this lovely Monday and start brewing yourself some hazelnut coffee with almond milk, you have a faint belief that that you’ll still find yourself awake late into the night. Sure, you’ve seen me destroy countless lives, wreak havoc on world governments, and even eff ess up for the most powerful people in the world (celebrities), but this is coffee we’re talking about. Coffee.
So, after taking the first sip, you’re pretty surprised when you wake up 16 hours later, having passed out in your bed. How did you even get in here? Who put you in this nightgown? Do you even own a nightgown? You’re exceedingly late for work and hideously overtired. You throw on regular clothes, brush your teeth and grab a fresh cup of jav — and now it’s Wednesday. This time, you’re wearing an old-fashioned sleeping cap. You know you don’t have one of those.
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