Slacktory

Posts Tagged “Christmas”

  1. 6 Kinds of Holiday Cards We Should Really Stop Giving People

    #1. Religious Cards

    1

    The historic birth of Jesus of Nazareth is nowhere near December 25th and the celebration of Christmas was just an attempt to pander to pagans who were accustomed to having Saturnalia around that time of year. Christmas might as well be a secular holiday. And there’s no shame in that. People like getting stuff, giving stuff, and enjoying each other’s company.

    Chanukah isn’t a major Jewish event, but the psychotic consumer turbine of Christmas managed to suck up this oil-miracle non-event and spit it out as an opportunity for gift-giving one-upmanship (eight days, motherfucker!). And that’s ok too! Generosity should be a secular event.

    So giving someone a religious Christmas card is antagonistic and sucks a lot of the fun out of an otherwise joyful event. There’s no need to loudly proclaim your religiosity on Christmas. If you’re that type of person, chances are everyone already knows your feelings about god-stuff and they’d like one day’s reprieve.

    Next up: ‘Winter’ cards. Winter is not an occasion. »

  2. A Christmas visit from Dave Penderson

    You know, that guy from Christmas.

    A Slacktory original by Aaron Nevins.

  3. Who is Mrs. Santa Claus

    The secret, creepy job of Mrs. Claus

    You know Dasher and Dancer, Santa and Jesus, Rudolph and Frosty and Yukon Cornelius. But do you recall any substantial detail about Mrs. Claus at all?

    As the mere default female of the Christmas bunch, Mrs. Claus is vaguely defined and her role in the holiday season seems completely inconsequential. For some reason, Christmas is like the ultimate sausage fest. There are about two dozen different characters associated with the holiday season and almost all of them carry a Y chromosome. I mean, even your average Nativity Scene has more sheep than women.

    The only concrete fact that we know about Mrs. Claus is that she’s Santa’s wife. She has no children, no job and no use for the immortality that was bestowed upon her. Unless she was already immortal to begin with. Or maybe she’s not immortal and Mrs. Claus is just a title given to whomever Santa is exclusively banging at the time. Or maybe she’s just Santa Claus in drag.

    Any one of these scenarios is plausible since we don’t know anything about her. »

  4. It's a Wonderful Life

    The 24 types of Christmas movies you’ll see on TV this year

    When TV shows break for the holiday season, what remains is an entertainment vacuum that is quickly filled up with Christmas movies. From now until 2013, whenever you flip through the channels you’ll come across a wide array of different Christmas movies — some good, some bad and some not even Christmas movies to begin with.

    Here are the 24 types of Christmas movies you’ll inevitably encounter on TV this holiday season, whether you like it or not.

    1. Classic Christmas Movies – The vintage stuff your grandparents like to watch this time of year like White Christmas and Miracle on 34th Street. The standard Christmas movies we’ve been watching for the past umpteen years, where people sing and dance and decide not to kill themselves at the end.

    2. Animated Christmas Specials – Charlie Brown, Frosty the Snowman, the Grinch — the usual crowd. It’s not going to feel like Christmas unless you see them and you’re definitely not going to see them because who the hell even knows when they play that shit anymore. Like 6 PM on a Saturday in November?

    Read about Claymation Christmas specials, and the 21 other kinds of Christmas movie. »

  5. Super Nintendo

    I’m Remembering: Gifts Then and Now

    The trends may change, but the exuberance for presents doesn’t. There’s nothing less cool and exciting about a kid getting an iPhone than a Game Boy. Maybe some kids today come off more obnoxious than we were back in the day, but let’s not judge too harshly. Gratefulness can sometimes be mistaken for materialism. Kids just can’t be expected to act humbly when they get the #1 gift they wished for and it just explodes their little minds.

    See 28 birthday and Christmas gifts, then and now. »

  6. Demon Santa: A Post-Christmas Advice Meme

    I didn’t want to ruin Christmas for you, so I saved this until a time when it’s okay to imagine Santa as a hellspawn.

    See more of the Claus from beyond the grave. »

  7. George-Bailey

    Christmas Songs, In Order of Depressingness

    Please stop playing this music. It hurts me. It hurts me… so much.

    First: The Charlie Brown Christmas songs. »

  8. Scumbag Santa banner

    Scumbag Santa, Your Christmas Advice Meme

    ‘Tis the season to be bitter. Scumbag Santa is an advice animal meme that reveals Santa Claus for the asshole he is.

    The meme was first posted 3 months ago on Reddit, where Christmas (among other things) comes early:

    After poring over pages of this meme, I learned something about you guys. You are still angry at Santa for making out with your mom and eating your cookies, you never got that really cool present you asked for, you think Santa is too judgmental and is engaged in class warfare, and you think jokes about Santa’s sack are hilarious.

    Here are the top Quickmeme Scumbag Santas, followed by seven of my own.

    See the truth about the world’s most successful creeper. »

  9. Dave Seger happy holidays

    No Wait, This Is Everything: Happy Holidays From This Fruitcake

    Dave Seger knows that covering people with slimy foodstuffs is a reliable crowd-pleaser.

    Watch this fruitcake. »

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