Slacktory

Real Life

  1. Indiegogo terrible project woman

    Shut down all the “your Kickstarter sucks” blogs, I found the worst project in the world

    While checking my Facebook spam, I saw someone’s pitch for an Indiegogo project called “StarLikeMe”. The idea: What if one website did everything all the biggest websites do? What if this site didn’t combine the existing sites, but by replicating the systems that took collective billions of dollars to build and maintain, all for twenty grand?

    Do you want to blog (Tumblr); tweet (Twitter); post a message for a friend (Facebook); upload a video (YouTube); store photos (Flicker); edit and share photos (Instagram); have a pin-board (Pinterest)? All of these features and more will be available just as you know them on these other sites. This is a site for all of us to use and enjoy and will provide the latest features of all the major sites.”

    What if the pitch video for that website was a few kids, a rapper, and a hot blonde all shouting “Star Like Me, where the stars shine!” And then a lady explains how inconvenient multiple websites are? And it’s all in Eastern European accents, the official accent of sounding shady as fuck?

    Oh it is. It’s even shoddily edited and poorly rehearsed. »

  2. HireKevin Applebee's Restaurant with Kevin Matuszak

    #HireKevin: Man tries to become Applebee’s spokesman over Facebook and Twitter

    Facebook is topping all our news feeds with obnoxious brand posts, while hiding updates from pages we actually liked. Clicking to hide the post leaves me feeling impotent. My colleague Henry likes to leave stupid comments on these promoted posts, punishing the brands for so desperately chasing his likes.

    It looks like Kevin Matuszak is doing that, but on a grand scale. He’s begging Applebee’s to hire him, in a Facebook comment thread that’s gotten 182 comments and 265 likes. And whoever runs the Applebee’s Facebook page has been responding every now and then, checking on his progress — and then helping him along. They’re trying to turn it into a publicity stunt. A very silly, stupid, actually-fun publicity stunt.

    On Monday, Kevin wrote on the Applebee’s Facebook timeline: “hi, can I work for you?” They replied, “Check if your local Applebee’s is hiring!”

    But Kevin said he wanted a job at corporate. And he kept bugging them. With updates like these:

    See Kevin’s insane campaign to become the public face of Applebee’s. »

  3. Applebee's Twin Towers memorial
  4. pile of phones

    Slacktory Liveblogs Really Wanting an iPhone 5

    10:12: Jesus, the iPhone event isn’t til 1? Switch to Eastern Time already, like adults.

    10:26: How am I supposed to do work when there’s a new iPhone coming?

    10:37: Ugh just give me a new iPhone already. Put it in my mouth.

    10:41: What do you guys think will be on this one? I think they’re bringing back real keyboards.

    Read the rest of our all-day liveblog. »

  5. I hate my job

    What Are the Most Annoying Questions People Ask at Your Job?

    Everyone encounters idiots at their day jobs, whether it’s your coworkers, your customers or clients, especially your boss. I asked people for the most common annoying, obvious, murder-inducing questions they’re asked at their day jobs and some of them were… just… I’d rather just be broke and homeless.

    Check them out below. And if you can top these spirit-killing BS questions with stories from your day job, please do.

    1. “I do in-house graphic design work for an academic institution. People who are not designers tend to lean over my shoulder and ask me to ‘Move that there,’ and ‘Make that bigger,’ and ‘Try outlining this, and lighten that, and justify those.’ And then they ask me: ‘What do you think?’ I don’t tell them.”

    2. “A daily annoyance is when my editor asks me to fit 6 or 7 different ‘tags’ or topics into my 40-word lede, to maximize hits.”  — Maria, reporter

    3. “‘Scope creep’ as an architect. Like when you’re asked to design a shelf for the office that then turns into a shelf/window screening system that then turns into a shelf/window screen/cabinet door system and then eventually you’re designing some sort of parasite that infests the whole office.” — Sam

    See more stupid questions and requests from the workplace. »

  6. you are literally killing everyone

    Everything on the Internet Gets Stolen. Here’s How You Should Feel About That.

    This past Monday, British comedian Adam Buxton (and collaborators including weirdo animator Cyriak) published a children’s counting song that escalated quickly.

    Today Henry Birdseye, Slacktory’s social editor, showed me a 40,000-note Tumblr post, a stolen copy of the video below with no credit to Cyriak, Buxton or the other co-creators. This usually doesn’t happen with video, since it’s much easier just to embed the original YouTube video. To demonstrate:

    Watch the video, and read a long-ass piece about how to deal with content theft. »

  7. Josh Fonner

    The Potato Letters: Josh Fonner Writes to “I Can Count to Potato” Victim

    Slacktory’s Brad O’Farrell wrote about Heidi Crowter, the girl whose picture was used in the “I can count to potato” meme, and whom the Sun recently irresponsibly publicized. I asked Josh Fonner, who gave several interviews this year about being used in two mean “fat” memes, to write some advice from one meme victim to another.

    We post a lot of satire here, but the following is real. Josh wrote one open letter to comfort Heidi, then chastised her mother in another. His opinions are, of course, his own.

    Dear Heidi,

    You don’t know me, but we have something in common. We’ve both been made fun of by a lot of mean people on the internet. I just wanted to write you a short letter to try to cheer you up. I understand you’re probably sad and upset about what you’ve seen in the past few days. Don’t let it get you down. I’ve had my pictures stolen and used in hurtful ways too, but the GREAT part of it is, none of these people have EVER made fun of me in real life. My advice to you Heidi, if this meme hurts you, live your life like you never found out about it. People will forget it ever happened. Just be the lovely, kind, gentle hearted person I’m sure you are, and everything will work itself out. Because “Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Keep your chin up. This will all die down soon enough. It always does.

    Love,
    Josh

    Josh has harsher words for Heidi’s mother. »

  8. Blake Boston with Annoying Facebook Girl

    Scumbag Steve’s Advice for Annoying Facebook Girl

    This is really, truly, actually Blake Boston, the guy from Scumbag Steve. After many emails, I met him in person at a Slacktory-sponsored Halloween party this year. I asked him to write a letter of advice to Jess, the girl who may have just discovered she’s Annoying Facebook Girl. I lightly edited it for grammar at his request.

    Blake is wonderfully introspective about the emotions of this specifically modern situation. He’s… he’s an actual advice meme.

    Dear Annoying Facebook Girl, it’s me Blake. You may know me as Scumbag Steve. Or not, if you’re not on the internet much.

    I heard you just found out that your pics been all over the internet. Shocking huh? Google yourself, but have a friend with you for support.

    Steve’s advice: Make your peace with this, because it’s not going away. »

  9. Liz Millers

    I’m Not the Liz Miller Who Signed Up for All These Wedding Emails

    Above: Google Images results for “Liz Miller”.

    I’ve had the email address liz.miller@gmail.com since 2004, and I have been receiving emails for other women named Liz Miller ever since — approximately 10 a week, I’d average. I’m rarely sure how it happens, how mailing lists and travel itineraries and total strangers end up in my inbox, except that the root cause isn’t technological but “human error.” Which is to say, most people are not too good at this internet thing.

    Noooot too good. »

  10. IRL stories banner

    IRL Stories: Pickles, Gangbangs and Aretha Franklin

    Have you ever met an online friend in real life for the first time? Cartoonist Monica Ekabutr illustrated three IRL stories from Slacktory fans below.

    Come see. There’s no actual gangbang, sorry. »

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