October 11, 2012
Dear Liam, Louis, Niall, Harry and of course Zayn,
Hey guys! How are you all doing? We’ve never met, or anything like that, and honestly, I’m not as familiar with your music as I’d like to be. But my kids love you! My daughter, Truly — she’s 11 — she has a poster of Niall hanging over her bed, and she already has a ticket to your show in Los Angeles NEXT AUGUST! That’s so far away, but she told me that she already knows what she’s going to wear the show! Girls are crazy, right? Ha, ha!
…Look. Let’s skip the formalities. I’m very familiar with your music. I’m Dr. Dre; I’m familiar with all my contemporaries. I’ve been watching you kids since you were on “X Factor” and I’ve watched you become superstars. Global superstars. And now I have some questions.