Though George Lucas claims that his 1977 film Star Wars is entirely original, based merely on his memories of the science fiction serials of his youth, new scholarly research has revealed the truth. Lucas was merely plagiarizing a much older work, a lost play by William Shakespeare. Shocking. Absolutely shocking.
Here, for the first time, I present selected excerpts from THE WAR OF THE STARRES. Enjoy:
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THE WAR OF THE STARRES
A SUDDEN HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL
by Wm. Shakespeare
At the pleafure of her moft rightous maj. Queen Elisabeth
Anno domini 1604
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SCENE 1. INTERIOR. REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER. HALLWAY.
Her highness Princess Leia Organa is led by a troupe of Stormtroopers. On her way, she encounters Sir Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith.
Leia: ‘Pon my soul! Lord Vader. I should have known’it.
Vader: The very one stands before you. Verily, thou hast said it.
Leia: Only you would be so bold, despised sir, as to enter the Blockade Runner Senatorial. In truth, the Senate will not hear of it! I am in their service, on a mission of greatest import–
Vader: Spare me your meaningless persiflage, your highness! I know the truth, I will have it from you!
Leia: [Aside] I am afeared that he will come to it, by and by–
Vader: You are a member of that foul rabble, those most accursed wretches. You know of whom I speak! Thou art a member of the Rebel Alliance!
Leia: God’s wounds!
Vader: Thou art a traitor. Guards, do your duty!
Leia: I am abashed, yet remain unbowed.
The Stormtroopers lead her away in chains…
Read the rest of the Bard’s Wars! Danger, romance and murder most foul await! »