Slacktory

Data Points

  1. Business Rocks help you achieve a sex frequency and quality that you desire. This is the standing kind of sex that happens in kitchens and bathrooms, not the laying-down sex that happens in old person beds and hospital funerals.

    BusinessRocks.biz, which is sadly just one page

    Via: Wreck and Salvage

  2. Whoa, hombre! Mucho questions for the Guyster about my new BESTaurant, Guy’s American Kitchen and Bar. First off, let me just say gracias – or, grassy ass, as the Fieri Familia says – for popping into my joint to get your grub on.

    — Guy Fieri Responds to the New York Times Review of his Restaurant by Streeter Seidell on CollegeHumor

  3. On Inauguration Day, all presidents will be required to publicly apologize to the French people for being cisgendered (if they are cisgendered). They will have to apologize in French.

    Slacktory contributor Mallory Ortberg on Gawker, in “What Obama’s Second Term Will Really Look Like”

  4. Rick Santorum’s website uses a picture of 4chan creator Moot

    That’s him sandwiched by Santorum (heh):

    Which is really just a great set-up for this exchange on Reddit’s /r/4chan:

    Im_why_Waldos_hiding:

    Rick Santorum has b/tard’s lurking in the ranks. No wonder he didn’t get far.

    AnotherClosetAtheist:

    He probably saw all the “nigger” and “faggot” talk and hired them on the spot.

  5. Microsites that add “fuck” to things: still funny

    Fucking click, fucking vote, fucking say “fucking” a lot.

    Via: The Hairpin

  6. How the fuck is there more than one zombie? The first zombie gets infected and then tries to eat their first meal… and fails? Always? Why didn’t he eat the first person completely? Or at least to death?

    — Redditor Hokie200proof, in an elegant and thorough takedown of zombies that no one asked for

  7. On foreign policy, I was impressed that both candidates knew about the attack on our embassy. This is an important issue for me, as I consider myself a bit of an expert on Liberia.

    “An Undecided Voter Watches the Vice-Presidential Debate” by Get Your War On‘s David Rees

  8. And Then There Were None cover with bikini model

    Data Points: Bikinis and Book Covers

    • Swimwear matched to book covers. The idea’s good enough, but the execution is impeccable. [MATCHBOOK]
    • “Will’s piece on Santorum goes viral. Mackenzie’s Macbook keeps doing that spinny wheel thing when she tries to open Outlook.” “Will’s contract is up for renewal. The girls’ menses attract lions to the office.” [@HBONewsroom on Twitter].
    • “A lot of you have been asking about my beauty routine well here it is when I wake up in the morning I bathe my face in milk and then bacon fat to keep it well hydrated haha and then before I go to bed I meditate at dusk by the light of the moon and then bathe my face in a solution of my own tears and ammonia that I have kept in this vintage crystal bottle I found on Etsy omg” — Things We Might Read on a Fashion Blog [This Recording]
  9. Data Points: Wizarding Genes and Bongs

    • “Magical ability could be explained by a single autosomal dominant gene if it is caused by an expansion of trinucleotide repeats with non-Mendelian ratios of inheritance.” A six-page letter to JK Rowling about wizarding genetics in Harry Potter. [Fus Ro Dah!!!]
    • Nick Offerman, Megan Mullally and Alison Brie smoke bongs in a promo for the movie Somebody Up There Likes Me (IMDb). [YouTube]
    • “I born in factory. They put me in wrapper. They seal me in box. Three of us in box.” A humor piece by Simon Rich. [New Yorker via Maria Bustillos]
    • Translate anything into “ERMAHGERD! BERKS!”-speak. [J Miller Design]
    • The same guy who got girls’ numbers by reciting the “Call Me Maybe” chorus, can’t get them by dressing up as Batman. I guess that’s not surprising, but it’s hilarious. [Digits Show on YouTube]

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