Bowels of the Internet

  1. Inane responses to celebrity tweets

    Celebrities: they’re just like us, but with SO many more Twitter followers. Maybe that’s why regular people feel comfortable tweeting starstruck nonsense at the world’s most influential social media users. I assume—or I hope—they figure it’s just going to fly under the radar of the rich and famous, and no one will ever notice that they communicated some embarrassingly dopey sputterings to their favorite famous person.

    Nothing flies under our bottom-feeding radar, though, so here’s some tweets that answered celebrity blather with even less impressive online repartee:

    Screen shot 2013-02-18 at 10.17.38 PM

    See 11 more mouth-breathing celeb shoutouts. »

  2. wetlook porn on YouTube

    #WETLOOK: Safe-for-work porn. But definitely porn.

    A beautiful blonde wearing a red blazer, a black mini-skirt with dark L’Eggs underneath, a golden brooch, and white blouse walks up to the side of a pool near the stairs. Slowly she descends, fully clothed, into the water until she is fully submerged. She rises out of the water, all of her nice business wear soaking wet and ruined, and begins to swim around playfully.

    If this scenario is something you find arousing, you might have developed an affinity for a niche fetish known as ‘wetlook.’ It looks like this (warning: it’s pretty unsexy for non-aficianados):

    Watch the safe-for-work porn of clothed women in water. »

  3. horse_ebooks avatar cartoon

    Is the creator of @Horse_ebooks playing us for fools?

    Has @Horse_ebooks become self-aware? And has it started self-promoting?

    Some background: It is thought that @Horse_ebooks, the funny Twitter robot that chops and screws snippets of text from ebooks and marketing pitches, then regurgitates them into surreal found poetry on Twitter, is entirely automated, and that its aleatory tweets are the happy by-product of a misguided and nonsensical attempt to market ebooks.

    horse_ebooks recent tweets

    But there are signs of human intervention, signs that become more complicated now that @horse_ebooks is aware of its fanbase. »

  4. Worst IMDb lists - Howard the Duck

    The 17 worst IMDb lists

    Most IMDb lists are just “movies I need to see” or “my favorite horror flicks”. These are not those lists.

    Click any screencap to see the actual IMDb list.

    Includes “Patrick Swayze as an ideal Knuckles the Echidna.”


    Research methods PLEASE sir.

    See more terrible IMDb lists – and a few fantastic ones. »

  5. Jimmy John's V for Vendetta mask

    I think Jimmy John’s regrets their election-themed Facebook post

    Jimmy John’s sandwich shops posted this cute joke photo on their Facebook this morning:

    The commenters quickly started arguing whether it’s illegal to post these pictures (it’s a misdemeanor in some states, a felony in others, completely legal in a few). It got real stupid, real fast.

    See more Facebook commenters arguing about whether a sandwich franchise committed electoral fraud. »

  6. Tila Tequila conspiracy theory banner

    Tila Tequila’s descent into conspiracy-theory madness

    This is not a joke piece. The story below is real. — Ed.

    Is the following a quote from Left Behind or blog of a reality star from the mid 2000s?

    This is a message to all the people of Jerusalem. I am the reincarnation of Melchizedek. Have been a lie to your own people and used a great many masquerading as a human led humanity to the world very dark and ugly. If you really believe that then you must believe me a message to all of you. I roll the real bodies of Melchizedek.

    If you guessed a blog, you win! And bonus points if you guessed it was translated from Hebrew (I had to use Google Translate) from a post by Tila Tequila. This October, the former reality star has refocused her brand online as a “Freedom Fighter” against the Illuminati, Moon People, mind controlling frequencies, and a possible upcoming apocalypse.

    Read about Tila’s descent into paranoia, possibly aggravated by true brain damage. »

  7. america-the-beautiful

    The official website of America is everything you want it to be

    In anticipation of tonight’s opening salvos in the Presidential Debates, we are thrilled to present to you The Official Website of America.

    U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! »

  8. realm of chaos

    The best posts from Bloard, a very clever little forum

    “If you want a picture of the future, imagine a high school attended by all of the Sonic the Hedgehog characters, and during class Shadow passes a note to Sonic that says ‘Hey i have something i need to tell you at recess.’ And at recess they hang out near a picnic table and Shadow puts his gloved hand on Sonic’s and looks into his.eyes and they share a deep, passionate kiss. Then the bell rings, and it’s back to class for Sonic and friends, but there is a new tension among them.. It is a very exciting time, for Sonic and Shadow. It’s awesome to imagine this” –

    Skylark on Bloard

    I don’t know where this messageboard came from, I can’t help you Know Your Meme here. I think it just exists for some people to try to out-funny each other, but actual funny, not “funnyjunk” funny.

    I found it through the Twitter user leh0n, and I ended up on the “top posts” page, and it’s beautiful.

    See some of the top bloard posts. »

  9. then who was phone

    Top 10 stupidest creepy online stories

    One of the primary joys of the internet, bar porn and GIFs, is reading user-submitted “true” tales of paranormal encounters. These have littered forums and websites since long before 4chan’s creepypasta. And while some are genuinely frightening, the real gold is in the stupid paranormal story.

    The sort of story you find on a website with a rotating skull on the homepage. The sort of story that’s called ‘Baby Eating Werewolf’ and opens with the line “What I’m going to tell you has never been told by me to anybody, with the exception of my mother because I still I believe whatever I saw might come to hunt me.”

    So here’s a top ten of that kind of story.

    First up: ‘Demon Activity… or Something.’ »

  10. Space Jam Call Me Maybe

    New Favorite Subreddit: /r/ComeOnAndSlam

    Early last week a co-worker sent me a video of PSY’s “Gangnam Style” mashed up with the Space Jam theme song. The two tracks work together eerily well, and the result is a song that leaves you struggling to figure out which parts belong to which track.

    Later, in an attempt to share the video with another colleague, I googled “Gangnam Style Space Jam Mashup” and discovered that this particular mix was only the tip of the Space Jam iceberg. I had stumbled into /r/comeonandslam, the subreddit “dedicated to any remixes or photoshops that are related to the Space Jam Theme Song by the Quad City DJ’s.” Needless to say, it is absurdly hilarious and engrossing. I spent HOURS listening to this stuff. By the end of the week I was signing emails with “work that body, work that body, make sure you don’t hurt nobody.” Shit’s downright infectious.

    It turns out, The Space Jam theme song is the Hydrogen of the music world — it can bond with just about anything. Exhibit A? Ghostslammers, a mix of the Space Jam theme and the Ghostbusters theme.

    Hear ‘Ghostslammers’ and more of /r/comeonandslam’s masterpieces. »

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