Sarah "Laughterkey" Davis
Guilty pleasures can be a controversial topic. Some people argue that if you enjoy something, you should enjoy it wholeheartedly and without shame. While I personally agree, sometimes I can’t help but be a little embarrassed by the things I love — like fluffy teen pop music. But nothing quite compares to the shame of a past obsession, the thing you once thought was beyond cool, the very definition of rad, yet now recall with horror.
Redditor damarust admits that for him, it was velcro shoes. He asked his fellow users, asking, “What is something you used to think was cool but now realize is not?”
Nicnak1118 didn’t quite have the coordination of his fellow classmates:
In middle school it was really cool to touch your middle finger to your thumb then shake your hand up and down really fast making your pointer finger smack into your middle finger and thumb. This made a snapping sound. I could never do it, and I was SO envious that everyone else could.
Jiggjuggjogg gives it a try, with less than desirable results:
I just tried it and looked like I was giving a handjob. I think I may be doing it wrong.
Look_at_me tries to help out:
Try it without a penis in your hand.
Some rules just plain suck. They are frustrating and unnecessary and they make us want to pull our hair out. No one who has seen Empire Records sympathizes with the Music Town executives; we all cheer for Mark’s “Damn the man!” moment.
Recently redditor NotYetDomestic realized one of their co-workers was using a new rule to her advantage:
I work in a typical office building, but today I saw something interesting. My co-worker has been leaving around lunch to go to the gym. I had to get something out of my car and I saw her (in her workout clothes) eating a tub of fried chicken. I didn’t say anything but she walked back in 15 minutes later saying how sore she would be tomorrow. She “works out” everyday. My boss has a policy that if you’re going to work out you don’t have to clock out, which means she essentially gets paid to eat fried chicken in a jogging suit in her mini van.
Her scheming led him to ask, “What are your best examples of people cheating the system?”
MightyMofo‘s tuition is subsidized by hate:
I can afford college thanks to bigotry. I have two moms, and thanks to the law, my non-birth mom is technically not my legal parent, so when I applied for the FAFSA, I could legally say that I was raised by a single mother who works part-time. Financial aid is even sweeter when it feels like you’re getting revenge for living with people’s bullshit.
A curious kid can be either completely exasperating or wholly hilarious. The endless chain of “but why?” has driven many parents mad, but from time to time these questions can make even the most educated person re-think basic concepts.
Recently thinwhiteduke99’s daughter threw him for a loop:
My daughter came to me and said, “Daddy, I have a problem and maybe you can help me out with it. How do I know that I’m real and not just a dream of someone else?”
The question caught me off guard, but I decided to introduce Descartes to her and said that there was no real way of knowing, but that there was a guy who used to think about these types of things and he said, “I think, therefore I am” and that means that if you are thinking and can create, then it is the best proof that you exist.
She countered with “How do I know that it’s not just the dream making me think that I am thinking?”
At that point, I knew that I wasn’t going to win and told her that thinking was still the closest to proof that we have. It contented her enough and she went back to watching iCarly.
This prompted the father to ask, “What deep ponderings or odd questions have you heard from kids?”
Maire24’s brother just wanted to know how aware other kids were:
My brother was always very interested in the consciousness of other children when he was a toddler. Whenever there was a baby around, he’d walk up to them and their mother, frown down at the kid when they were shown to him, look at the mother and ask, “Do they know they’re alive yet?” He creeped a lot of my aunts and my mother’s friends out. Never got a good answer, either.
Reddit loves bragging about their pets for karma. So when user dickfish asked, “What odd personality thing does your pet do?” redditors came in to rake in the upvotes — and, you know, share cool stories with like-minded people. We’ve gathered a sampling of the very best here for you, so you can start feeling like your dog is boring immediately.
Ismonkah’s dog just wants to dress up:
My dog cries until I pretend to put makeup on him. Any time I’m in the bathroom getting ready, he cries and stands up on his hind legs until I put the brush close to his face and tell him he’s pretty.
Emilylime92’s cat is overly helpful:
My cat knows how to open doorknobs. He’s learned that, with me being a female, I can’t leave the bathroom without using toilet paper. If he wants something and I’m in the bathroom, he’ll open the door, grab the toilet paper that is hanging down with either his teeth or his paw and pull it and bring it to me. He’ll then sit and wait, and if I don’t use it (doesn’t matter if I’m on the toilet or not) he’ll get more.
Doesn’t matter if I’m in there to shower, brush my teeth, or take a piss. Neville will make me use the fucking toilet paper.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Lego are badass. Unless you step on them. However in my book that qualifies them as weapons, which technically ups their badass quotient. Therefore it stands to reason that the Reddit novelty account ICanLegoThat is one of the coolest around, and the pictures we’ve gathered here prove it’s true.
ICanLegoThat has Lego-fied redditor’s usernames and re-created iconic movie scenes, but more often than not he simply drops into unsuspecting threads and posts Lego interpretations of the comments that strike his fancy. His collection of bricks and minifigs is awe-inspiring, and he has a knack for using minimal presentation to convey a story. Most of his collection is made up of sets he had as a child, and while he estimates that it includes over 30,000 pieces, he says he tears down after each build is photographed, as he needs the pieces for new projects.
Account owner Alex Eylar is not a literal pro (he works in the film business), but he knows his stuff. When I asked him for the oddest Lego fact he knows, he threw down:
Only two actors have appeared as two different characters in Lego sets. One is Harrison Ford, in the Star Wars and Indiana Jones sets. The other is Alfred Molina, oddly enough, as Doc Ock in the Spider-Man sets, and as Indy’s guide in the Raiders of the Lost Ark set.
Knows bricks, knows how to use them. One look at his Flickr stream and you’ll realize how insanely talented he is.
Reddit’s “What’s The Dumbest Thing You’ve Said on a Date?” Thread Makes You Wonder How Anyone Finds Love
Everyone has been on a bad date. But some of us have been much, much further down the rabbit hole. I’m not talking food in your teeth or something on your shirt. I’m talking full-stop “There’s Something About Mary” hair product horror shows. While that oh-so-memorable scene is a bit farfetched, once you read these confessions of courting gone wrong, you might find yourself thankful that the worst you ever did was get embarrassingly drunk at a sushi place.
Brumbrum21’s attempt to downplay quickly backfired on him:
After a night out with this girl I’ve been courting, we went back to my place and started fooling around. We got into my room where she knelt down and began to take my pants off. Once I was naked she said, “Wow you’re really big.” Trying to be humble, I responded, “Nah, I’ve seen bigger.”
At least Bendubendubendu had his facts straight:
[I was] hanging out with a girl I had been dating for a little while. We were talking and she brought up the fact that her biological father was a sperm donor. We had already talked about this before and I didn’t really have anything particular to keep that conversation going besides, “That really increases your chances of accidental incest, you know.”
Parents have all kinds of tricks to keep from losing their minds. Some switch out certain foods to get their kids to eat their veggies, others conceal the death of a pet to prevent a broken heart. Some just like to fuck with their kids for sport. No matter the reason (or circumstance), once the other shoe drops and the kids realize what’s up, they become the stuff family legends are made of.
Cyberslick188 tells us how his mother used to put Aunt Jemima’s maple syrup into a different bottle to keep him from whining:
Today we made waffles while I’m visiting home for a week and my mom mentioned how she would just put Aunt Jemima’s back into the fancy maple syrup bottle and how I’d always say something like “See, mom? I can taste the difference”.
For 10 years my parents have been laughing at my dickishness. Have your parents ever done something similar to you?
Timothygruich’s dad was a first-class troll dad:
My dad used to call me into the bathroom to look at his poop. I was always shocked out of my mind. It looked like little stars and perfect circles and even dog bones. I couldn’t figure out why mine always looked stupid. Turns out he was throwing dog food into the toilet and waiting for it to bloat up before calling me in.
And so it begins.
There’s nothing more universally strange than coming out from under anesthesia. You think you’ve got it under control, then you try to talk and all hell breaks loose. And apparently everyone knows someone who’s been funny after surgery. We’ve condensed this massive Reddit thread down to a handful of highlights that will make you look forward to picking up your friend after he gets his wisdom teeth out.
Boreal_girl talks about her husband getting his first colonoscopy:
They wheel him in and he is semiconscious and singing ‘Moon River’ at the top of his lungs (like Chevy Chase when he got the digit test). I was somewhere between mortified and on the verge of hysterical laughter. The nurses log-roll him off the gurney onto the bed where he lets out a fart that was so loud and long it didn’t even seem humanly possible. It was like an elephant farted through a tuba while standing in a culvert. It must have been 20 seconds long!
My face was scarlet and he had a wide grin and announced that ‘That’s what the doctor ordered’ and did an ‘Oh yeeeeeah!’ worthy of the Kool-Aid guy. I was slinking into my chair wishing I was invisible. One of the nurses looked at me and said that his reaction was pretty normal.
myarmhurts had an exorcism:
My daughter had her appendix removed when she was 5, as we were all standing around her bed waiting for her to wake she sat bolt upright, stared at each of us and said ‘bewaaaare, bewaaaare’ in the most demonic of voices. She then made a terrible face, hung her tongue out of her mouth and yelled ‘blaaaaaaaaah’ before lying back down and going back to sleep.
Justplainmark must have hated those hospital gowns:
After getting hernia repair surgery I semi-consciously yelled at the nurses about my clothes:
Me: “MY PANTS. WHERE ARE THEY.”
Nurse: “Sir, they’re next to the -”
Me: “TAKE ME TO THE ROOM WHERE YOU’RE KEEPING MY PANTS.”
Nurse: “They’re right over -”
Me: “MY PANTS WOMAN. GOOD GOD.”
Everyone has that story. That one time you (or a friend) got kicked out of a bar, or a store, or Mexico. Redditors have been sharing their tales of banishment, and while some are silly, others are utterly bizarre. We’ve gathered together the highlights for you here, starting with one from distortednet, who shares a story about his uncle that is frustratingly short on details:
My uncle is banned from the state of Arkansas for firing a cannon in the middle of town. It was just gunpowder, no round.
Not too sure how he got a hold of a cannon, though.
One of Spartannia‘s friends managed to get banned from Libera without ever going there:
Friend of mine got banned from Liberia in high school. He was prank-calling embassies and they got pissed. Thank goodness he got a busy signal when he tried Russia.
Remember back in the day when hiding things wasn’t as easy as clicking “delete history” or browsing in incognito mode? Tell a kid today about trying to find Dad’s Playboy or ‘borrow’ a cousin’s Judy Blume book, and they look at you blankly. (Yes I know Judy Blume isn’t technically porn, but hey. We took what we could get.) These pop culture references are no longer relevant. Jokes about the topic fall flat with anyone under 25, maybe even 30. People stream what they want, when they want it. No subterfuge or secret agent tricks required. Personally, I think they’re missing out.
Redditor eithris seems to agree, and so he poses the question, “What lengths did you go to as a teen to hide your porn?”
He tells of a time when he was 14 or 15 and managed to get his hands on a VHS copy of Debbie Does Dallas:
Now, my mom seemed to have this 6th sense for detecting porn. No matter what I did to hide it, she could find it. I used all kinds of tricks to hide dirty mags and movies. Clever carpentry on the dresser in my room, secret compartments where the paneling was loose in a closet, hiking 6 miles into the woods and burying my stash behind a waterfall in a sealed ammo box, she found them all, every single time.
So I really liked this tape, because it wasn’t a recording of a recording of a recording on a crappy VCR setup. It was the retail version in all its glory. I thought I had the perfect plan to keep it hidden. We had an extensive non-porn movie collection, and I had a TV/VCR in my room and a shelf of movies. So I went and bought an extra copy of one of the movies we already had but didn’t watch all that often, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I removed the tape roll from Indiana Jones and transplanted the porn, put it back together and it worked perfectly.
I stuck “Indiana Jones” on the back of the bookshelf where the movies in my room were, and for almost a year nobody else noticed we had two copies of Indiana Jones.
Things went downhill quickly the day the original Indiana Jones VHS was destroyed and his mother tried to watch his copy.
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