Slacktory

Robyn Wilder

— 3 posts

Robyn Wilder is a London-based writer-woman. She apologises for all the swearing and hullabaloo. Twitter: @orbyn

  1. Neo answers a banana phone in the Matrix

    4635 views, 3 comments

    On what I’ll bet was a quiet day, Redditor superunhappyfuntime asked /r/AskReddit to share their ‘glitch in the Matrix’ stories:

    I’m talking weird occurrences, coincidences you haven’t been able to easily explain.

    (For any young people reading, The Matrix is an old movie starring Keanu Reeves as a latex Jesus who lives inside a magic internet built by Transformers in the future.)

    Given that our world isn’t the Matrix*, the 14,776 responses that followed probably came as a surprise to  superunhappyfuntime — especially as most were genuinely creepy and none of them were about being the reincarnation of Thomas Edison. Here are ten of the best ones, including superunhappyfuntime’s egg-based anecdote that started the ball rolling.

    Happy too-long-after-Halloween-to-be-topical!

    1. superunhappyfuntime’s quantum egg

    We have a breakfast laid on at work every morning, just a simple buffet of eggs, bacon what have you. Nothing huge and it’s really only to feed about a dozen people or so. I am usually one of the first guys from my team to get to work and the kitchen was deserted as usual. I walked into the little kitchen, there was a ceramic egg tray thing with 12 eggs in it, like the bottom half of an egg carton with a socket for each egg. All spaces are filled with warm freshly boiled eggs.

    I take one, walk over to the garbage bin, shuck the shell then I walk back over to the food and stop dead. There are 12 eggs in the tray again. No one entered the room while I was peeling the thing. I touched the mystery egg it was the same temp as the other eggs around it.

    Not a big thing, nothing major, but something very strange. Given one does not get presented with strange eggs from a parallel universe every day, I peeled and ate that one too.

    That was easy! Now let’s read the terrifying ones. »

  2. then who was phone

    1587 views, 1 comment

    One of the primary joys of the internet, bar porn and GIFs, is reading user-submitted “true” tales of paranormal encounters. These have littered forums and websites since long before 4chan’s creepypasta. And while some are genuinely frightening, the real gold is in the stupid paranormal story.

    The sort of story you find on a website with a rotating skull on the homepage. The sort of story that’s called ‘Baby Eating Werewolf’ and opens with the line “What I’m going to tell you has never been told by me to anybody, with the exception of my mother because I still I believe whatever I saw might come to hunt me.”

    So here’s a top ten of that kind of story.

    First up: ‘Demon Activity… or Something.’ »

  3. Fox News Twitter edited

    910 views, No comments

    1. TWITWRECK: That sad little pile of hashtags that never trended, forcing you to delete all your jumpstarting tweets so you don’t look lonely.

    2. TWEMPANCIPATION: When your mother joins Twitter, calls you by your pet name then asks if you can buy pessaries on eBay, and you pretend that she’s a spambot.

    See the 14 other Twitter definitions. »

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