By embodying the imaginary attribute “adorkable” on her Fox sitcom The New Girl, Zooey Deschanel struck a mainstream blow for the dorks, the dweebs, the nerds, the geeks, and the spazzes. She took a dubious personality trait and turned it into an asset.
This trend shouldn’t end with Sweet Zooey D, though. Next season’s Fox lineup should feature even more negative characteristics in a positive light. Here are some suggestions for potential comedies, dramas, and reality programs that will help the public rethink personality flaws as charming quirks through the power of combined words.
Title: Sad to the Bone Tag Line: When it comes to depression, she’s the depresident! Description: Aubrey Plaza pays Deana, a recent college graduate with zero job prospects and dwindling motivation. She spends most of her days watching Roseanne on Hulu and assuring her overbearing mother that she is indeed applying for work. Deana eats blocks of cheese like apples. Her cats make her sneeze. Even her best friends have trouble dragging her out of bed, and when they do, she’s such a bummer that they wonder whether it was even worth it. When Deana rolls her eyes, though… ZING! Look out, world!
The Occupy Wall Street movement has become a global phenomenon, with sympathetic protests cropping up around the world, grassroots support and growing mainstream media attention. Still, if it’s going to keep growing, the movement needs to incorporate one more crucial element. They need corporate sponsors.
There’s a lot to be gained for the sponsor. They get zeitgeisty buzz, they appeal to a “hip” young market, and they might just get the ironic attention of the wealthy 1%. Here are some companies that would be a natural fit for the Occupy Wall Street movement.
Reusable canteens are taking over some of the market share traditionally dominated by bottled water. Bottled water sellers are fighting back with new environmentally friendly brands.
Each drop of Aquacholy water comes from the tear of an endangered animal. The animals are not bred in captivity, but approached in the wild and informed of their own global plight. Upon coming to terms with the impending fate of their species and their own mortality, the animals weep gently. Aquacholy sadness technicians tenderly comfort the animals while harvesting their tears with patented “hydration preservation ducts.” Saline content is filtered out through a hemp sieve for organic purification.
Slogan: This is what it tastes like when doves cry!