Slacktory

Bob Dylan recently caused an uproar by appearing in a Super Bowl ad for Chrysler. Fans were furious that their idol would betray them like this, giving them no say in how much money he makes and specifically how he makes it.

Selling out has been a constant concern for fans of artists. By accepting money from big companies, artists are engaging in a filthy act that almost literally amounts to pooping in their fans’ mouths.

But thankfully, selling out is on its way out, thanks to a revolutionary new website called Sell-In.

How does Sell-In work? It’s simple! When artists are offered large sums of money by evil corporations, they can now start completely independent campaigns that allow their fans to prevent them from selling out.

If fans can match or exceed the amount of money offered to the artist by the corporate devil, the artist must not accept the commercial or endorsement deal. Who says you can’t buy integrity?

Confused? Here’s an example:

Let’s say your favorite band is Arcade Fire. One day, Arcade Fire gets an offer from Nestlé to appear in a commercial for their Baby Ruth candy bar. In said commercial, the 14 members of Arcade Fire would find that their violin bows and batons have gone missing, forcing the band to replace them with Baby Ruth candy bars in a live performance. Nestlé offers them $1.2 Million to do the ad.

Before, Arcade Fire would have had no choice but to hop onto Nestlé’s devil dick and do the commercial. Now there’s another option: Arcade Fire can simply gather ‘round the computer, log on to Sell-In and start a campaign.

Now, all Arcade Fire’s fans need to do is raise $1.2 Million, matching Nestlé’s offer. If they reach their goal, the band will accept the clean Sell-In money instead of the dirty Nestlé money, and Arcade Fire’s artistic integrity will be preserved!

If a campaign doesn’t reach its goal, the money raised will be used to fund an upcoming TV commercial for Sell-In, which will feature a duet between Elton John and Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas.

Remember, selling out is the biggest crime an artist can commit, and that includes actual crimes. So if your favorite artist is about to sell out, get them to Sell-In!

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