Slacktory

Posts Published December 2012

  1. Fake Feminist Phil

    Feminism is really hard for dudes. Between second-wave and third-wave and post-feminism and men’s rights subreddits, we’re not sure when we’re being helpful and when we’re getting it wrong. Not Quite Feminist Phil is the sexist pseudo-feminist we’re afraid of becoming.

    I’d like to dedicate Fake Feminist Phil to LOLGOP and everyone else who mocked the GOP fake-feminist ticket.

    See Fake Feminist Phil’s other opinions, because feminism is best explained by a man. »

  2. parodyaccount_header

    The best parody Twitter accounts of next year

    It is safe to say that topical Twitter parody accounts are literally the funniest and most epic thing in the entire “cyber-verse.” Remember all those Big Bird jokes from a couple months back? Trite, unoriginal garbage, right? Okay, now hold on a second. What if the person telling those jokes—was pretending to be Big Bird? I’ll give you some time to process that.

    These days, it seems like every major news story has an accompanying topical parody account. Kate Middleton is pregnant? Parody account. Kanye West wears a skirt? Parody account. A natural disaster devastates the Eastern seaboard? Parody account.

    If 2012 was “The Year of the Meme” (a phrase I am working to trademark) then 2013 is shaping up to be “The Year of the Topical Parody Account” (again, working to trademark). Here are my predictions for the Twelve Funniest Topical Parody Accounts of 2013:

    January: A cat using a fire extinguisher goes viral. Parody accounts pop up for the cat, and for the fire extinguisher. »

  3. Sex and the City segue supercut

    Supercut: “Sex and the City” is one long segue

    “While Samantha was uptown, Miranda was downtown, and Charlotte was in Queens, I was hovering somewhere above the East River waiting for a plotline.”

    Inspiration: “Imaginary Lines From an Imaginary 9/11 Sex and the City Episode”

  4. Avengers SHIELD with Firefly

    An exclusive look at the network notes for Joss Whedon’s S.H.I.E.L.D. pilot

    Dear Mr. Whedon,

    First of all, let me welcome you to the ABC family. All of us here at the network are so excited to have you at the helm for our new series, S.H.I.E.L.D. The way you revitalized the Marvel franchise with The Avengers is widely admired, so who better to bring the expanded Marvel universe to the small screen? I understand you have run some other, “cult” television series in the past, and while I can’t say I’m too familiar with them, I’m sure with this new show you’ll finally be able to do something that people can get passionate about.

    To get down to business, I have a few little tweaks for you about the rough cut of the pilot. There are just a few things that were a little confusing.

    For instance, why does everyone call things ‘shiny’? »

  5. 6 Kinds of Holiday Cards We Should Really Stop Giving People

    #1. Religious Cards

    1

    The historic birth of Jesus of Nazareth is nowhere near December 25th and the celebration of Christmas was just an attempt to pander to pagans who were accustomed to having Saturnalia around that time of year. Christmas might as well be a secular holiday. And there’s no shame in that. People like getting stuff, giving stuff, and enjoying each other’s company.

    Chanukah isn’t a major Jewish event, but the psychotic consumer turbine of Christmas managed to suck up this oil-miracle non-event and spit it out as an opportunity for gift-giving one-upmanship (eight days, motherfucker!). And that’s ok too! Generosity should be a secular event.

    So giving someone a religious Christmas card is antagonistic and sucks a lot of the fun out of an otherwise joyful event. There’s no need to loudly proclaim your religiosity on Christmas. If you’re that type of person, chances are everyone already knows your feelings about god-stuff and they’d like one day’s reprieve.

    Next up: ‘Winter’ cards. Winter is not an occasion. »

  6. Nick and Siri make cocktails

    Nick and Siri make cocktails

    Nick’s got a date tonight.

  7. wetlook porn on YouTube

    #WETLOOK: Safe-for-work porn. But definitely porn.

    A beautiful blonde wearing a red blazer, a black mini-skirt with dark L’Eggs underneath, a golden brooch, and white blouse walks up to the side of a pool near the stairs. Slowly she descends, fully clothed, into the water until she is fully submerged. She rises out of the water, all of her nice business wear soaking wet and ruined, and begins to swim around playfully.

    If this scenario is something you find arousing, you might have developed an affinity for a niche fetish known as ‘wetlook.’ It looks like this (warning: it’s pretty unsexy for non-aficianados):

    Watch the safe-for-work porn of clothed women in water. »

  8. Borg Cher

    When did Cher become a cyborg?

    The 90s Guy is a column by a man living in the 1990s.

    Holy shit! I turned around for like five minutes and Cher has become some kind of cybernetic angel-being from the future.

    Like, I know she hasn’t really done much lately (other than that weird duet with Beavis and Butthead) but I didn’t know she was taking a break so she could undergo an experimental procedure to bring her that much closer to a state of pure electronic omniscience.

    I mean, you’ve heard that Believe song, right?

    If you haven’t heard it yet, you should check your TV Guide… »

  9. A Christmas visit from Dave Penderson

    You know, that guy from Christmas.

    A Slacktory original by Aaron Nevins.

  10. detective points at chalk outline

    Gumshoe Diaries: Kill Me, Kate! Part 2

    Previously on The Gumshoe Diaries: Our hero pined after his lost love Kate and wallowed in sorrow. Then he caught the news.

    I read the article in disbelief. Why would anyone want to murder a billionaire?

    Last night, the CEO of a respectable pornography firm was found dead in his Fifth Avenue apartment. Why?

    Sure, the man had flaws. For starters, he was French, which means he probably never shaved his damn legs. And a lot of his movies alienated the asexual community. But the sheer violence of this crime was enough to outrage anyone.

    He’d been cut open like a common Honeybaked Ham… »

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