Slacktory

kids vote in mock election

Happy election day! There don’t seem to be many people trying to advise you how to vote today. So we’ll fix that with our national voting guide! Here are our endorsements:

The Actual Lord Satan Himself for Some Circuit Judge Position, He’s Unopposed So You May as Well Vote for a Winner

Captain Queefheart for City Drag-person of Indeterminate Gender Identification

Elizabeth Warren for Friend Who Thinks You Should Watch Homeland and You Know She Was Right About The Wire and Louie So Just Sit Down With Some Hulu This Weekend

Sammison Jamjar for Dog-catcher Catcher

Shia LaBeouf for Verizon “Can You Hear Me Now” Guy

Bob Bob for Company Man (American American Party ticket)

Alison Gallison for Frequently Misspelled Name

Ron Paul for Hahaha No, But What If Really, Wouldn’t That Be Random

Photo from Village Soup

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