Slacktory

Neo answers a banana phone in the Matrix

On what I’ll bet was a quiet day, Redditor superunhappyfuntime asked /r/AskReddit to share their ‘glitch in the Matrix’ stories:

I’m talking weird occurrences, coincidences you haven’t been able to easily explain.

(For any young people reading, The Matrix is an old movie starring Keanu Reeves as a latex Jesus who lives inside a magic internet built by Transformers in the future.)

Given that our world isn’t the Matrix*, the 14,776 responses that followed probably came as a surprise to  superunhappyfuntime — especially as most were genuinely creepy and none of them were about being the reincarnation of Thomas Edison. Here are ten of the best ones, including superunhappyfuntime’s egg-based anecdote that started the ball rolling.

Happy too-long-after-Halloween-to-be-topical!

1. superunhappyfuntime’s quantum egg

We have a breakfast laid on at work every morning, just a simple buffet of eggs, bacon what have you. Nothing huge and it’s really only to feed about a dozen people or so. I am usually one of the first guys from my team to get to work and the kitchen was deserted as usual. I walked into the little kitchen, there was a ceramic egg tray thing with 12 eggs in it, like the bottom half of an egg carton with a socket for each egg. All spaces are filled with warm freshly boiled eggs.

I take one, walk over to the garbage bin, shuck the shell then I walk back over to the food and stop dead. There are 12 eggs in the tray again. No one entered the room while I was peeling the thing. I touched the mystery egg it was the same temp as the other eggs around it.

Not a big thing, nothing major, but something very strange. Given one does not get presented with strange eggs from a parallel universe every day, I peeled and ate that one too.

2. markofshame’s unsettling Good Samaritan attempt

Driving home on a storm day, I see that a sideroad up to the local golf course is blocked off by flashing barricades. I also spy a Mercedes parked past the barricades with its hazards on. I stop and walk up to the car to see if they need help (I’m an EMT), I shine my light in the back seat to see a man slumped over apparently asleep.

Thinking I’ve got a few drunks, I move up to the driver window and rap on the glass and shine my light in, the driver is sitting bolt upright, unmoving staring straight ahead. My window rapping or light doesn’t cause him to blink, flinch or move. I look over and the passenger is slumped forward onto the dash. This begins to creep me out, I call down to the Sheriff station and request a Code-2 (no lights/sirens) unit up to my location to help me check them out (doors are locked).

While on the phone I walk back to my truck to get my go-bag, as I’m on the phone with dispatch, she asks me to get a license number for the car just as a PG&E (power company) cherry-picker truck comes rumbling down from up the closed road. I move to go around the truck to get the plate number, and the car is gone.

I talked to the driver of the truck and he said there was a 80-foot tree down across the road, and that he didn’t think it’d be open for a day or so. So the question is… the hell did the car go? Tree up one way, barricades down the other. It’s kept me a bit unsettled when stopping at accidents/hazards since then.

Fealiks, who may have read some Douglas Adams, responds:

I can’t help but imagine you as a small, throwaway character in some fantasy novel. The guy who checks to see if the main characters are okay, and then as he turns around they continue to be abducted or whatever it may be.

3. jeanofjogon’s sub-basement mimic:

I used to work in a building that had three levels of sub-basements, with the piece of lab equipment I typically worked on in the lowest basement. I had the only key. There was a wired phone in there, and I did work late some nights… but not this night.

I was sleeping alone in my apartment when I woke up to a call on my cell phone from my girlfriend at 3 AM, she was in hysterics and asking why I scared her. Apparently she received a call from that basement phone just a minute earlier, with someone who sounded like me slowly repeating her name, until crackling and fading out. My apartment was 10 miles away from work. I thought she was lying, but I saw the 3 AM call from the basement phone logged on her cell myself. Still freaks me the fuck out.

4. deltaeta395’s brother-thing:

That happened to my brother.

I was taking a nap upstairs when I heard him yell “Hey, deltaeta395, what are you doing?” I go downstairs where I meet him, his face in a state of terror. “What?” At that point, the bathroom door at the end of the hall downstairs closed, and hard. We were the only 2 home.

He said he saw me walk by him while he was in the kitchen and gave him a creepy smile. He then asked what I was doing, and I kept walking. That’s when he heard me ask, “What?” and turned around to see me at the bottom of the stairs. Bathroom door closes next.

5. THEN WHO WAS THUMB? By thfrbiddn1:

Picture of my friends when they were younger, we’ve been trying to figure out who’s hand is making the thumbs up behind the kid on the right:

6. KILLALLEXTREMISTS’ voicemail imposter:

I called my friend up and he wasn’t home so I left a message on his answering machine. I said, “Hey, it’s me KILLALLEXTREMISTS. Sorry I missed you, call you later. Bye.” And then I hung up and left the house. I made no other calls.

Later that day he called back and he says, “Wow, that was quite a message you left. Who was that girl you were talking to?” I was like, “What are you talking about? I wasn’t talking to any girl!” Well, as it turns out the message didn’t end after I said “Bye”. I had to go over to his house and listen to this message a few times.

After my initial message that I did leave (as quoted above) there was a slight pause and it continues on for another 30-40 seconds or so with me talking to some girl. It was my voice, but a conversation I never had with a girl whose voice I didn’t recognize.

You could compare it to the message I know I did leave and the two voices were indistinguishable. Not just the voice but, you know, talking mannerisms. It was my voice. Also, references to my occupation and activities were the same. Basically, in this conversation I was talking to this girl about going skiing but I had to go down to my shop and work on a car first, which totally correlated to me. Then the message just stopped.

It was recorded on one of those digital answering machines that recorded the message to a chip so there was no tape I could have taken and had analyzed, unfortunately. Also, neither I nor my friend had party lines so that’s not an explanation. It was very freaky, I can’t explain it.

Fabis responds:

I imagined that you actually said “Hey, it’s me KILLALLEXTREMISTS.”

7. desk_jockey26’s alternate dad:

My dad used to get up around 3 AM every morning for work. Starting at a very early age I would wake up on my own and wander downstairs to see him before he left.

One morning when I was about 4 years old, I made it to the bottom of the stairs and noticed that the front door was ajar. I opened it up and saw my father in his favorite workshirt making his way down the driveway to his truck in his typical workoufit (plaid shirt and dickies). I swung the door open wide and yelled for him to come back for a hug before he left.

He slowly turned around and just STARED at me and started walking back towards the house. He was looking so strangely at me that it started to scare me and I began crying and asking what was wrong. Just as he had almost reached me a pair of arms encircled me from behind in a bear hug. I turned my head to see my understandably freaked out father staring at his doppleganger (in the SAME outfit).

The double took one look at my dad and ran down the driveway, meanwhile my dad yanked me in the house and locked the door. Wierdest morning EVER.

8. Valokai’s stranger danger ESP — one of multiple stories:

This happened when I was about 9 years old, but I can still remember it… vividly.

We were visiting family in Nevada with my dad, and they lived out in a very dry area in a fairly good sized trailer. A couple days in, I was playing outside with my cousin, pretty much just messing around in the dirt. At some point, I look up. Right next to the house is a… field I guess? Surrounded by wire fence, probably originally for livestock.

But anyway, there’s this guy standing there. This is a good 300 or more feet away, so I cannot see him clearly at all.

Queue the weird.

As soon as I look at this guy, I have what I can only describe as an out of body experience. My body pretty much just went into lockdown, and I was no longer seeing through my eyes. And I wasn’t just floating there or anything… I was in that man’s body. Through his eyes I could see two little shapes playing across the field, but I could just FEEL that he saw the shapes as animals.

And then I realized he was holding a fucking shotgun.

After that I regained my body and blurted out “we have to go indoors,” offering no explanation to my cousin, who thought I was nuts.

9. This story about walkie-talkie weirdness is made yet creepier by the fact that THE USER HAS SINCE BEEN DELETED: 

My little sister (call her Susie) and I were exploring the cottage a few years ago and came across a pair of walkie talkies. Now this in itself wasn’t unusual; it’s an isolated, sprawling place shared by many friends and family who often leave things behind as they come and go.

We run around in the night trying them out, and find out there’s about a 10-20m cut-off range. We’re fooling around and eventually we’re on opposite sides of the house when something like the following exchange goes down:

Me: “Breaker breaker come in, this is Thundercat OVER”
Susie: (giggling) “This is Dragon 7, we are closing in on your location OVER”
Me: “Negative, you’ll never catch me. Thundercat out”
Susie: (giggling) “Who is this?”
Me: “This is Thundercat, come in Poopsmith”
Susie: (giggling) “No who is this?”

At this point I walk into the next room and see Susie looking through a bookshelf, walkie talkie abandoned on the floor.

She says “Hello” to me and the giggling is still coming from the walkie talkie.

I look at her, I look at the walkie talkie, and ask “Wait who is this?”

The giggling stops on the other end of the line. There’s nothing but dead air.

The next house is a couple of km away and there’s nothing but woods (and a spooky cave) around us. Susie says she got bored of the walkie talkie a while ago, and denies any part in the goofy codename conversation. We search the place top to bottom and find no one and nothing that could have been making the call. We try the walkie talkie a few more times but are never able to raise our ghost girl again.

Which makes CeeJayDK 188 wonder:

What if .. the girl on the walkie talkie was your sister Susie, but the “Susie” that followed you home was NOT your sister…

10. Finally, here is dsuse15’s perfect excuse to never ever ever house-sit for anyone ever ever EVER:

I was stopping to check in on my dad’s house while they were on vacation. I had pretty much grown up there and was very comfortable alone in the house. I had never got any weird feelings, but for some reason that night was different.

I went into the living room and stood at the bottom of the steps; instant chills. Then I hear the creepiest thing I’ve ever experienced; a scratchy voice says my name from upstairs: “Heeyyy Donnyyyyy”.

I was out of there instantly. I called my parents right away and they blew me off. But to this day I can’t explain it. We have no pets, there were no fans or AC on. Nothing.

This thread was so popular that it made the Reddit front page, and inspired its own subreddit.

*Or is it?**
**It isn’t.***
***… Or is it?

Oh, and sweet dreams.

  • http://twitter.com/Baboonicorn Baboonicorn

    Mysteriously depositing eggs from thin air? That’s no glitch in the matrix, just a poultrygeist.

    I’ll get my (long, swishy PVC) coat.

  • keven

    This morning I made 2 eggs leaving 4 in the fridge. Tonight I got up from watching a movie and decided to cook some bacon and eggs I open the fridge to discover 6 eggs again. Used it as proof to show my girlfriend we do in fact live in a simularion

  • http://www.facebook.com/cynthia.larson Cynthia Sue Larson

    This “glitch in the Matrix” phenomenon is one of the best-kept secrets that’s right out in plain sight. If you want to see some truly bizarre examples of this (including the dead being seen alive again and things disappearing, appearing, transporting and transforming), check out the realityshifters web site, or the book, “Reality Shifts: When Consciousness Changes the Physical World.”

  • edgerider

    everytime i meet my uncle in the supermarket nearby, something weird happens.I always talk with him about some everyday stuff when we meet….but then, when we seperate again, i can’t move for about 20 seconds, i dont even think about moving, i’m just standing there and do nothing, like a scripted event in a videogame…and the when i try to follow him , he’s not in the store anymore, even if i go out the shop instantly and without having to wait, i don’t see his car anymore…this happens everytime, even when i got some friends with me

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