Justin Bieber hate on Google Images

  • Find out what the hell a meme is.
  • Lobby YouTube to change their voting mechanism from“Thumbs up/Thumbs down” to “Doesn’t suck dick/Sucks dick.”
  • Personally mediate a settlement to the divisive Eminem/Insane Clown Posse feud.
  • Have sexual intercourse with a robot. Or even a regular person, I guess…in a nutshell, just have sex.
  • Try meth, but know when to stop.

  • Never, under any circumstances, view anything as ironic.
  • Bring the term “trenchcoat mafia” back into the popular discourse.
  • Never stop using the internet as an ideal means for fanatically pursuing narrow spectrum of interests or public documentation of the intensely venomous hatred felt when stumbling upon anything outside this limited realm.
  • Get banned from YouTube.
  • Trick a barista into yelling “Queef!” across a crowded Starbucks.
  • Denounce the soulless capitalist greed of advertisers by incessantly complaining about the brief, intermittent ads that run on YouTube, a completely free web site offering millions of copyright-protected videos.
  • Be the focal point of a newspaper article where my neighbors and coworkers are quoted as saying, “He was just a normal guy. A little quiet, a bit of a loner, but we certainly never could have imagined he was capable of anything like this.”
  • Form a vehement opinion about everything, ever.
  • Kidnap Justin Bieber and imprison him in a makeshift torture chamber (possibly on the unfinished side of the basement, just pass the foosball table). Force him to listen to the complete works of Metallica, Slipknot, Eminem, and, of course, Insane Clown Posse. Beat him until he admits the vast musical superiority of these artists. Then pummel him until he admits that his own music is stupid gay trash for 5th-grade girls.
  • Maybe have sex with Bieber after that because hey, he’s already tied up down there, so I’m pretty sure it’s not gay…
  • Cure cancer.

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