Slacktory

dead sick tamagotchi

The 90s Guy is a column by a man from the 1990s.

So like, does anybody else just get the sick notion that maybe they should just let their Tamagotchi die?

I mean, I was all excited when I found out I could be the parent of a real digital lifeform and I knew this would be hard work, but I was ready to commit. Now I can’t help but think that maybe the Tamagotchi species was meant to die off.

They basically scammed us into taking care of them — feeding them, playing with them, giving them medicine when they catch spooky floating skull syndrome.  Without us the entire species would languish and die, but as the most intelligent lifeforms on the planet isn’t it our duty to protect lesser species from extinction if we can help it? Wouldn’t the end of the Tamagotchi species upset the entire digital ecosystem?

Because if not, I say we let natural selection do its thang.

I mean, I didn’t mind waking up four times a night to flush shit pixels out of my Tamagotchi’s plastic egg habitat when he was a baby. That’s the kind of thing you do for any baby. It’s expected.

But now my Tamagotchi is in the “adult” phase of his life and he’s still letting his shit pile up and still letting ghost skulls give him STDs or whatever. He never learns!

I thought that maybe one day he’d grow up, start his own Tamagotchi family and give me a bunch of little Tamagotchi grandchildren. But those dreams are now dead. This creature is never going to be anything but a burden for me. What am I supposed to do? Just keep taking care of him until he dies of old age while he sits there and contributes nothing to society? He can’t even feed himself!

And what quality of life is this for either of our species? Are we not now doomed to servitude to this lower lifeform? What is even the purpose of their lives? They can’t reproduce or even reciprocate the love we feel for them.

Am I a monster for wanting to just stop and let nature take its course?

Photo by/CC James Grant on Flickr

  • http://twitter.com/ragbonehair ragbonehair

    I just used to see how quickly I could kill mine. Think my record was under 3 minutes if I recall correctly.

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