Slacktory

playing POGs

The 90s Guy is a column by a man from the 1990s.

So like, whoever told you that POGs was a game of skill did not have your best interests at heart. You’re probably sitting there with your Bigfoot Slammer and your amazing wrist-flick trick that you swear makes the POGs land face-up every time, but none of that means anything dude.

Because POGs is a battle of wits.

Look, let me give you my ultimate no-fail POG strategy — you need to flat-out cheat.

Because first of all, it’s not a very fun game. You throw things at a pile of other things and then you spend five minutes collecting all the things and stacking them back up again. It’s essentially 52 Pickup with pictures of skeletons and 8-balls everywhere.

The real fun is in taking your friend’s most beloved holographic yin-yang POG because you are a champion and only champions deserve holographic yin-yang POGs.

So here’s my strategy for winning every time.

First of all, you know those Goosebumps POGs you treasure more than life itself? You keep that shit locked up tight in your POG binder. That’s your future investment dude, you hang onto that. One day these POGs are going to be worth something — don’t throw away your future because you think your Slappy the Dummy POG is going to impress your friend.

Instead, only bring your shittiest POGs to a POGfight. You know those Jesus POGs you got from church? The state capital POGs your teacher gave you? The toothbrush POGs you got from your dentist office? That’s the shit you play with. It’s like chess — you sacrifice your pawns to protect your king.

And the rest is basically all mind games.

Like, okay, so when it’s your turn, you just like steal some POGs that aren’t flipped over when your numbnuts friend isn’t looking. Keep an eye out for any doubles because he’ll never notice if you take those.  Or better yet, never play for keeps and then when it comes time to divide up the POGs, just start claiming that your friend’s best POGs are actually your own.

I mean look, are you playing some kid’s game or are you building a future investment for yourself? If you want to one day own a POG portfolio worth a million dollars, you might need to lose some idiot friends along the way who are sitting on a fortune and don’t even know it.

Or you can keep working on your wrist-flick. Whatever floats your boat dude.

Photo by/CC Andrew Hur on Flickr

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