Slacktory

Surf Ninjas poster

The 90s Guy is a column written by a guy in the 1990s.

Look, I was totally on board with Surf Ninjas at first, but somewhere along the way I think they lost their original vision.

I mean, it started out great! The ninja kids were all like sarcastic and had badass attitudes. I mean these kids were so cool that a 30-year-old Rob Schneider was hanging out with them.

And they were always surfing, like even when they were driving they were surfing. So far the movie was definitely delivering on the surfing stuff.

And then the ninja stuff came in and it was pretty cool too. The main kid was Pizza Delivery Ninja Boy from the second Ninja Turtles movie, so obviously he knew how to kick some ass. And the younger kid was able to like use his Game Gear to warp reality, so that was cool.

But then part of me started to worry because they established that they’re surfers and that they’re ninjas, but when were they going to become SURF NINJAS.

The answer is never.

Oh sure they learn to be ninjas and they even surf to the final fight. But the title promises the audience they’re going to see some ninja surfing around, fighting each other with like bo staffs and katanas in shark-infested waters, and that NEVER happens.

I should have realized something was fishy when Leslie Nielsen turned out to be the main villain. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m sure his ninja skills are legendary — it’s just that he was probably too old to do all the surfing stuff.

They really should have just called it Ninjas That Surf to the Final Fight. At least then you know what you’re getting into.

And I would have still been on board.

Previously: Which Dr. Seuss hat should I wear to the party?

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