Slacktory

titanicfloatingdoor

This has not been a good year for Titanic fans, let me tell you. Earlier this year we were collectively jacked out of almost $60 million when Titanic was re-released in zombie 3-D. Fans from across the globe went to see their favorite love story with some added depth perception slapped on in post-production. The result? Viewers were WOW’d for about 30 minutes, or until they realized just how many times they’d have to visit the bathroom to survive the 194 minute film.

Then! The extended DVD release of said-film came with a bonus scene that revealed the original casting for Jack: none other than Clueless heartthrob Jeremy Sisto. That’s right, the same Jeremy Sisto who had to run to the quad to “grab his Cranberries CD before somebody snags it.” A Jeremy Sisto who (without nostalgic bias) does a pretty good job looking like and acting like a Jack Dawson.

Now, myth-busting TV empire Mythbusters is ruining lives by scientifically saying that if (if!) Rose had merely lent Jack her lifevest as she floated alone on that wooden door in the freezing Atlantic, they both would’ve survived:

As for whether the board could have supported both Jack and Rose for 63 minutes, Adam first did a small-scale test using dolls and a board made of the same wood used in the film. The board tipped immediately and started to sink. Point for Cameron. Next, “Jack Savage” and “Rose Hyneman” did a full-scale test in the water, scaling up the board’s buoyancy to adjust for their increased mass as stand-ins for the actors — and outfitting “Rose” with a period-accurate life jacket made with the same materials and buoyancy as the one Winslet wears in the movie. It took “Jack” multiple attempts to be able to climb aboard and stabilize the board. But it sunk low enough in the water that drowning after loss of motor control would have been a danger. That’s when they tied Rose’s life jacket underneath the board, which raised it enough that they could position 80 percent of their bodies out of the water while resting on the board without needing to hold on. They made it 63 minutes. “With all we’ve learned, I think Jack’s death was needless,” Hyneman concluded. So yes, it’s plausible that both Jack and Rose could have survived on the board if they’d MacGyvered her life jacket.

This is not the first time, director James Cameron’s cruel killing of Jack Dawson has been questioned. For years, web scholars have been accusing that floating board of actually having enough room to support two.  But now, science has proved it otherwise, and our most beloved modern day, historically inaccurate Romeo & Juliet love story has been completely ruined. I don’t know about you, but I’m off to read some fan fiction.

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