Italy earthquake damage

Italian seismologists set the country’s official Earthquake Forecast to “Never” and advised everyone to just hang out, reveals the report at the center of seven manslaughter convictions over the 2009 L’Aquila earthquake. “Nothing but good times ahead,” they pinky swore.

“There definitely won’t be an earthquake soon. We promise. Everybody stay here and sit under the heaviest part of your roof, because this earth ain’t quakin’, we swear.

“We checked the Earth plates and were like ‘Cool. Totally cool.’ Then we fired up the grill and got ready to kick it.”

At the time of their arrest, the seismologists were setting up top-heavy bookcases, flatscreen TVs and full-length mirrors in the middle of the room.

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