David Foster Wallace hates you

I refuse to accept that my Facebook frienemy has good taste. This is probably what he thinks about his favorite Facebook pages:

Arrested Development: Martin Short was the best on that!

Democratic party: Bush planned 9/11.

Adele: Just between listens of early Charlotte Church.

Community: Chevy Chase FTW!

David Foster Wallace: Inspired me to wear a bandana every day.

The New Yorker: LOL @ Roz Chast cartoons!

Tracy K. Smith: I have confused this contemporary poet with a headliner from Backroom Casting Couch.

The Big Lebowski: I quote this thing constantly at the office, it’s like “I can get you a fucking toe, Accounts Receivable!”

Mumford & Sons: They were in a Subaru commercial and I for some reason love everything related to Subaru, which is weird and dumb.

Portal: Every time I eat cake I’m like “it’s a lie!”

Bill Murray: He impeccably captured the voice of Garfield.

The Daily Show: I fast-forward to the correspondents.

Jiro Dreams of Sushi: My friend George Roberts, who we call G-Ro, likes weird foreign foods and I thought this was a funny coincidence and that’s the only reason I liked this because I couldn’t possibly appreciate this film-festival favorite and its thoughtful portrayal of the world’s greatest sushi chef because I’m a fucking moronhead.

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