Slacktory

restaurant Halloween decorations

Restaurants! I want to eat in you! So stop making it hard to do so by dangling cobwebs from the ceiling.

I’m not against Halloween decorations. But, like, just do them the way you do Christmas decorations, right? Like, still cognizant that people are eating food near them?

Pumpkins are fine. Skeletons and witches are fine; I’m not thrilled about them but at least they’re out of context enough to be tolerable. They are very clearly decorations.

But jesus, what’s with the cobwebs? That shit’s gross. Cobwebs are, like, a believable thing to be in a restaurant. A believable bad thing. Would you cover the dinner tables with dirt? Would you flood the place with stagnant toilet water? Why would you imitate a form of poor hygiene that some restaurants actually have? Intellectually I know they’re fake, but my brainstem tells me “do not eat food here, it will poison you.” I can’t turn that off. But you can.

And sometimes you display rubber rats. Th… think about that. Rats. I mean come on. These are often believable rats! They really resemble actual rats! I go into your restaurant and I think “Oh man, they have rats.” You don’t want that.

So restaurants, please! When you decorate for Halloween, just pop up some gravestones and a ghost. Just spooky stuff. Not icky-to-touch stuff. Nothing truly physically revulsive. Because you are not a conceptual art gallery. You are a building for eating food in. Behave like one.

Make it nice.

Photo by Kirstie Shanley on Flickr

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