Slacktory

mileyhi

Feel the need to break away from the boring blank is a blank living in blank bio formula? Take these free bios to spice up your life and make it seem like you do more than listlessly masturbate. You can even keep the names, Matthews.

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Jaamie Leffleur is a writer in New York City and she wonders if one could invent pizza bubbles but wonders more often if she could eat said bubbles or take a bath in them.

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Maxwell Maxington studied Artistic Representations of Bill Cosby at Evergreen University and still calls his ex-girlfriend late nights out of habit. She has stopped minding.

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Michalea Fist is an ex-Sandwich Artist and seamstress who befriends clear liquors nightly. She has stopped mending.

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Kara Q. Walcott designs eco-friendly ascots with her boyfriend Zeal when she’s not hammering away at her Paralang Typer 110-ASL her grandfather left her. He wore a mustache. Zeal does not.

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Megazord P. Berkeley, Esq. has wet dreams about Blythe Danner. You can read about his nocturnal emissions in his new book “Blythe in the Night” this fall from Scribner Publishing.

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Qorin Qu is the editor of See-Saw Revolution, a weekly playground voyeur column in the Middlebury Middle School Gazette. Qorin never mastered the monkey bars.

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Sethula Presley once found twenty dollars and a gram of cocaine in his grandmother’s shoe.

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Mark Carrer Hilton doesn’t remember where he put his keys but can recite every lyric to Wham!’s ‘Make It Big’. He likes cats.

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Ellenteen Carizma can do a kickflip in Louboutins.

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Master P. was the CEO of No Limit Records and recently performed at the 12th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. He enjoys PBR and Peter Hook’s funky bass lines.

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Gwinit Chartreuse worked as a sex-therapist for Cirque de Soleil before earning a blog-to-book deal with her 4/20 friendly “Nashville” fan-fiction series entitled “Hashville”.

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Dasterdly Infante is a Cuban pirate by night and is currently covering the election in German haiku.

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Esther I. Killian  blogs for Nader and windsurfs.

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Seven Sirius Benjamin is the son of Andre 3000 and Eryka Badhu and given that information isn’t it kind of insane how overshadowed he is by Blue Ivy? Right?

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Farthing Woooster comma franklin parlor mince meat umbrella dog.

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Alan Hanson sucks (alan-hanson.com).

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