Slacktory

Posts Published October 2012

  1. nyc-blackout-title

    What our editor-in-chief is probably up to during the NYC power outage

    Slacktory’s editor-in-chief Nick lives in New York City. With Hurricane Sandy having left millions of people on the East Coast without power, we were a little worried. Fortunately, Nick let us know he’s doing fine, but that he’s currently without power and cell phone service. The important thing, however, is that he’s safe, so now we can lightly poke fun at his situation.

    Here’s what I think he might be doing to occupy his time while he’s without electricity and internet:

    • Using a battery-powered strobe light to recreate popular animated GIFs by himself in front of a mirror
    • Leaving real life YouTube comments by shouting “Fail!” out the window at his flooded neighborhood
    • Creating a “Slacktory Supercut” of the wackiest Ron Weasley moments by physically cutting and pasting together passages from actual Harry Potter books in his living room
    • Forcing a desperate new meme in his apartment, “Scumbag Electricity”, by taping handwritten words to a lamp. “WON’T TURN ON” / “OH GOD PLEASE TURN BACK ON”
    • Sobbing in the dark
    • Playing “Angry Batteries,” a new game in which he throws dead batteries at a pile of unusable electronics
    • Scribbling racist comments under local newspaper articles so they read just like online news
    • Reading quietly by candlelight, appreciating the peace and quiet that comes with the internet not being there to distract you every goddamn second

    title image via The Huffington Post

  2. spam-email-good-man

    The weirdest spam email wants love and commitment, not boners

    If there’s one thing we all know about spam emails, it’s this: Spam robots want to talk about your wiener. They want to sell pills for your wiener, or they want to touch your wiener and you should really click through to their profile; they’re just so lonely and a good wiener touch is all they want.

    For over a decade, spam emails have focused on sex and hookups and porn and V 1 A G R A, all in an attempt to speak to your most basic carnal desires. That’s all I thought they ever did.

    At least I thought that up until yesterday, when I finally got a mature spam email.

    Check out how unhorny this spam robot sounded. »

  3. Steve Urkel wizard

    Steve Urkel wasn’t a geek. He was a powerful sorcerer.

    If you were a kid watching Family Matters in the 90’s, you probably never called the show by its proper name. It was common to just lazily refer to the show by the name of its most popular character — Steve Urkel.

    That’s because what started out as an innocuous sitcom about a working class black family living in Chicago was hastily and sloppily retooled to showcase the breakout character of Steve Urkel. However, since Urkel was sort of a one-note geek, the show quickly devolved into some sort of science-fantasy farce featuring clones, transformation chambers, time-travel and evil sentient ventriloquist dummies.

    In fact, the show went so completely over the top with these ridiculous concepts that the viewer can only be left with one logical conclusion.

    Steve Urkel is a damn witch.

    Read how Steve’s most famous inventions are all sorcery. »

  4. naked man vs police

    These 8 viral photos aren’t of Hurricane Sandy

    You may have seen these pics going around online lately. Despite any claims to the contrary, they are NOT of Hurricane Sandy. So please correct those who said otherwise.

    (Pics link to sources.)

    This is actually a father-daughter Halloween costume.

    See more viral photos that, believe it or not, aren’t actually from Hurricane Sandy! »

  5. Every supposed picture of Hurricane Sandy over New York City is definitely real

    I live in New York and this is super-real:

    This is how storms work. They just appear suddenly, while boats are still out on the water and people are just all out on Liberty Island. Even climate change happens in, like, a half hour.

    Here’s how storms attack New York City. »

  6. Hurricane Sandy by NASA

    Hurricane Preparedness Tips

    Slacktory is going into hurricane preparedness mode! We’re learning lots about hurricanes. For example, did you know there’s a hurricane coming? That’s a hurricane fact!

    Follow these tips to get through Hurricane Sandy:

    • Fill your bathtub with water.
    • Fill a lot of jars with water.
    • Turn your microwave on its side and fill it with water.

    See more hurricane tips. »

  7. The girl in this picture is mad you thought she was serious.

    Kim Stafford made this sign as a joke for a themed college party. But of course the photo was taken seriously by thousands, maybe millions of internet users, including Cheezburger’s The Daily What (who later added a correction).

    Read about the death threats she’s gotten, and how she’s dealing with it. »

  8. crazy libertarian on YouTube

    This Is Everything: Either the worst libertarian poet ever, or the sharpest comedian ever

    Every time I think I know which, I change my mind.

    Complaining about the tyranny of sidewalks and public parks is so Swansonesquely ludicrous that it has to be a joke. But I’ve seen too many crazy old conservatives on YouTube to think that someone couldn’t have legitimately made this argument.

    Either way I just want to find more of this guy’s stuff. It looks like this video was copied onto someone else’s account. Anyone got a lead on the original?

    Watch this razor-sharp wit or pretentious imbecilic rambling. »

  9. relatable Tupperware

    Top 7 ways to close a container

    Slacktory is trying to score a big sponsorship, and to do that we need more relatable content. Who wants to advertise against weird-ass original content like a short story about befriending shower mold, made-up definitions for short Scrabble words, or famous life advice matched with serial killers? Here’s something you can relate to: securing the tops of containers!

    See these popular and recognizable ways to close containers! »

  10. Sunday-Brunch-Banner

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