Slacktory

Dr Seuss hat guy

The 90s Guy is a column about a guy from the 1990s.

So I’ve got this party I’m going to this weekend and I want to show off that I’m like a really cool, laid back guy who likes to have a good time. So naturally I’m going to wear one of those like floppy stovetop Dr. Seuss hats — but I can’t figure out which one.

I’ve got one that’s red and white, you know, just like totally Cat in the Hat style. I figure it shows off that I appreciate the classics — that I’m not trying to be anything more than who I am. I’ve got a playful side and I embrace my inner child.

But I’ve also got this really cool one with bright green aliens all over it that I bought from Spencer’s Gifts. It shows off my funky, weird side and my openness to the idea of the existence of extraterrestrial life forms. Plus, if there’s a black light at this party, it’s gonna look totally bitchin’.

Maybe I’ll wear the yellow smiley faces hat that I won at a carnival. It would make me more approachable because it shows people that I’m a friendly, happy guy. It also symbolizes that I’m a fan of like hippie culture and free love and stuff like that.

You know, I think I’m just going to go with the crazy snowboarder jester hat instead.

Previously: Did you sign the guestbook on my website yet?

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