Slacktory

Stupid romantic gestures are something of a hot topic lately. There was the guy who faked his own death to propose to his girlfriend, and the guy who almost died trying to mail himself to her. While these are obviously extreme cases, the mentality behind them is by no means unique. Redditor blanket_lava asked “Women of Reddit, what is the stupidest thing a guy did to impress you?

She later clarified a bit, saying, “Not stupidly cute or stupidly sweet, just plain stupid.”

Hazywakeup kicks things off with a real winner:

A few months ago a guy sat across from me on a bus, obviously trying to flash some philosophy book he was reading at me in hopes that I’d comment on it. When I didn’t bite, he came right out with, “You know, I’m technically classified as emotionally disturbed.”

Myuriko felt like she was watching Planet Earth:

Started talking about salsa dancing and really playing up his Latino heritage. When he started shuffling around to show me his moves (I did not ask him to, he just started dancing) I felt like I was on some nature channel documentary.

David Attenborough, whispering, “The male specimen begins his courtship ritual with braggadocio based on racial stereotyping, in an attempt to emphasize his sexual prowess. And now the mating dance begins… No.. No, she’s not buying it. He will return to the herd, unsuccessful, for today.”

Something tells me confuseacat-ltd isn’t a fan of Say Anything:

When I was 17, an ex stood outside my house banging on my bedroom window for 2-3 hours on a cold December night so he could win me back. This wasn’t the first time, I guess he thought his persistence would win me over eventually. I wasn’t at home so my father and brother had both gone out on separate occasions telling him to leave to no avail. When I got home, I told him I didn’t want to talk, I was just going to go to bed. He threw his phone at my back as I walked to the door and when I turned around, he ran as fast as he fucking could into the field across the road from my house. I went inside and got into bed and about 10 minutes later, there he was, banging on my window again. Only this time, he was trying to hand me his dirty shoes through the window, insisting I clean them for him because it was my fault they got field muck all over them. In hindsight, dating him may have been a mistake.

FacedJared went for the anti-White Knight:

I was longboarding around my neighborhood and saw a girl about my age. I decided best way to get her attention would be to crash in front of her so she’d come help. I wait for her to get in a perfect position and then bombed the hill, hit the curb and went flying into a thorn bush. She just walked past. Took me like 15 minutes to get out of there. So much pain.

At least Geordie42‘s friend would have fresh breath when his plan paid off:

I knew a guy in High School who drank mouthwash to try to kill himself, so his girlfriend would realize that she loved him. They’re still together.

EdditorRay‘s buddy thought tough tastebuds were a straight path to a lady’s heart:

My best friend thought it would be a good idea to show how “manly” he was by eating a ghost chile. Needless to say, his crying, turning red, slobbering, and vomiting were not very impressive to her.

BLINDANDREFIND‘s date’s planning skills leave something to be desired:

Took me to a ridiculously overpriced seafood restaurant. He had pre-ordered our entire meal. He started with $10 a pop oysters, 8 of them. Then a raw shrimp cocktail. Then a salmon egg ceviche. Entrees were trout and grouper, with three bottles of wine.

The kicker? I’m allergic to shellfish. He never bothered to ask what kind of food I liked, and I ended up getting drunk on $50 wine and an empty stomach.

I_have_teef has slightly unorthodox moves:

I skip stones to impress dames. They’re attracted to my braun and musk. And my impressive ability to hurl an igneous rock several meters from shore while they are overcome with wonder as to whether or not the geological formation will leap yet again from the surface like a watery phoenix or sink miserably to the depths.

Switchstyle jumps in:

tl;dr skip stones, fuck bitches

Andrewsmith1986 gets a little paranoid:

I’m just waiting to read something I have done.

VaultGirl101‘s guy didn’t read the schedule:

Flashed his penis at me through the window whilst I was eating in Pizza Hut. It was pretty nice looking one too, but I only like to see them on a 3rd date. He broke the rules.

Maybe lets_make_biscuits‘ man has a Spider-Man fetish?

A couple of years ago I was hooking up with a guy who lived in my apartment building. We’re hanging out in the building’s courtyard one night when he decides to put on a show for me. He tells me to take a seat, get comfy, and prepare for magnificence. He then proceeds climb all the way up the fire escape of our building…naked.

AndthenIwaslikewow‘s regular customer just wanted her to know how versatile he was:

In my first year of college I was working the night shift at a movie rental place that carried a lot of adult movies next to the usual stuff. So this one guy comes in every weekend and chats with me, rents a few videos (just normal movies) and brings them back the next night and talks to me about the movies. A lot of chick-flicks. At some point I said how nice it is, that he is ok with renting Pretty Woman to watch by himself and how he is up to seeing all sorts of movies. So the next night he walks in on the adult side of the store and selects the weirdest combination of porn. Girl-on-girl, anal-fisting, fetish stuff, role-play, threesome… there really was no indication of a specific taste. So I give him the films and he looks at me all intense and says: “Just so you know, I’m up for anything, Pretty Woman, I can handle all of this.”

Ms-whatever‘s man displayed an impressively thick skull:

Break a really thick icicle with his head. Im actually not really sure if he did it to impress me or because it looked fun. Im dating him so… he’s my problem now.

Dj_Nu12 steps up with the pun:

I guess you could say he was breaking the ice.

Speaking of puns, the guy who hit on iamlittle was a tad too into them:

My name is Carrie. Once, a guy came up to me and said “say your name, and then say ‘me.” Confused, I said “Carrie me?” He then proceeded to pick me up and carry me around.

Finally, ne1av1cr throws down with the comment that makes you want to go back a re-read the entire thread:

I’m having the most fun imagining that it’s the same guy in all these stories making just terrible decisions.

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