chess boxing

The Olympics are done! The Spice Girls ended them. Here’s what got left out in this year’s Olympics, or at least deleted by NBC:

  • Synchronized drowning
  • Representation for up-and-coming metals such as zinc, gallium, and bismuth
  • Topless beach volleyball (men’s)
  • Discus and shot-put renamed “people making hilarious faces, and also throwing things at a very high level of athleticism”
  • Pole-vaulters held accountable to the same stringent landing penalties as gymnasts
  • Usain Bolt on a rocket sled
  • Curiosity wins gold in long jump
  • Women’s and Men’s 500-meter loiter
  • Silver medalists filling out job applications to Home Depot
  • Combined shooting and fencing event called Ye Olde Warfare
  • Detailed explanation of why anyone still plays badminton
  • Video footage of NBC firing itself, set to the national anthem of Tajikistan, which took home a single bronze medal in women’s boxing
  • Several-yard dash

Photo via Chess-Theory

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