We make fun of Facebook Likes and Twitter Favorites and Hearts and Stars and Horseshoes, but it’s positive reinforcement and our stupid human brains are wired to gobble that shit up. We like this feedback, but not enough to explicitly beg for it.

But have you ever seen a corporate brand page on Facebook? They’re all shameless monsters, desperate for Likes and Shares. In theory, Likes and Shares make posts more visible to a larger Facebook audience. Then, more people will like that brand, and then that brand can drive cross-traffic to promotions, and then everybody gets rich from all that Like-and-Share money. And that’s why corporate brands on Facebook do whatever it takes to get attention, and they don’t care how much they have to pander to the lowest common denominator to do it.

That’s why Condescending Corporate Brand Page is such a treat: It’s calling out all corporate brands for posting insultingly stupid Facebook content and then begging for Likes and Shares, and it’s doing it with posts that are simultaneously absurd and familiar.

This follows the anatomy of a condescending Facebook post so well. General feel-good stock photo, insultingly simple sentiment being expressed, instructions to Like the post. It’s silly, but if you’ve ever liked a brand on Facebook, you’ve seen it a million times before.

It’s not all deadpan. Sometimes Condescending Corporate Brand Page blatantly calls out the formula for shitty brand posts. It’s like they’re too angry that posts like this exist to bother being coy about it.

Whoever is running this page has probably worked with vague business people before. You don’t use terms like “engaging content” unless you’ve heard it come from someone who both outranks you and doesn’t understand how the internet works. That same person probably says garbage like “Make it viral.” The word “engage” is the perfect way to express how brands approach people; they want positive attention in numbers, but it’s all superficial.

Occasionally Condescending Corporate Brand Page will sprinkle a bit of darkness into a post, just to contrast the unrelenting cheerfulness of your average corporate brand page. It’s masterful.

There’s something brilliant about that phrase, “cute puppies that haven’t died yet.” That’s just such a huge middle finger to the practice of using cute animal photos to rake in the Likes and Shares. It’s so dark it’s horribly depressing, and then it loops back around to be funny again.

Perhaps the best part about Condescending Corporate Brand Page is when they Share condescending posts from actual brand pages.

Here they’ve taken a generic feel-good photo from Holiday Inn’s Facebook feed and reposted it. It’s just such a good “fuck you” to other corporate brand pages. One second they’re angrily exposing the anatomy of a shitty corporate brand post, and the next they’re sharing other posts that fit the mold. And the Holiday Inn page definitely wanted people to share that photo. The fact that CCBP used a Facebook share to insult a corporate brand that begged for Facebook shares is beautiful, in a poetic sorta way.

This page is relatively new, having been actively posting for less than two weeks, but it’s one to follow. A more recent post called out another brand for poorly implementing a survey and allowing respondents to create their own survey answers. The third most popular response to “I take pictures with my…” was “Arse”

I don’t know what makes this type of thing so fun, petty as it is. I guess it’s like we’re telling the adults to get off our playground? It’s the same type of harmless mischief that got the Internet to send Pitbull to Kodiak, Alaska. Get outta here, brands! You’re not Facebook people! You’re eerily happy robots trying to trick us into telling our friends how much we love crackers.

  • Dave Van de Walle

    I want to be the first commenter! Yay!

    These guys pwn the Internet. Brilliant.

  • brittamaart

    I’ve been one of the many recent devotees of Condescending Corporate
    Brand’s funny skewering of corporate/marketing absurdities. Until
    today (9/7/12). Friday’s post has to be seen to be believed. You’ll have to go
    to the FB to see the photo of a little caucasian girl surrounded by
    golliwogs but the text reads:

    Friday! And we’re feeling as happy as a small girl with a load of
    Golliwogs. Click LIKE if you’re excited (and slightly moist) that this
    almost arbitrary day of the week has been hijacked by marketers as a
    supposed day of celebration!

    This is completely racist and offensive — and what does it have to do
    with sending up corporate culture? When I messaged CCB to let them know
    how off-the-mark and disgusting this was they responded “no jam
    sandwiches for you then” a reference to Robertson’s jam, the British
    company that adorned its jam jars with golliwogs well into the second
    half of the 20th century.

    I hope that all the trendsetting sites that have been plugging CCB will revisit their endorsement.

    • Volvo

      Did you get your Jam?

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