dog in sunglasses

Reddit loves bragging about their pets for karma. So when user dickfish asked, “What odd personality thing does your pet do?” redditors came in to rake in the upvotes — and, you know, share cool stories with like-minded people. We’ve gathered a sampling of the very best here for you, so you can start feeling like your dog is boring immediately.

Ismonkah’s dog just wants to dress up:

My dog cries until I pretend to put makeup on him. Any time I’m in the bathroom getting ready, he cries and stands up on his hind legs until I put the brush close to his face and tell him he’s pretty.

Emilylime92’s cat is overly helpful:

My cat knows how to open doorknobs. He’s learned that, with me being a female, I can’t leave the bathroom without using toilet paper. If he wants something and I’m in the bathroom, he’ll open the door, grab the toilet paper that is hanging down with either his teeth or his paw and pull it and bring it to me. He’ll then sit and wait, and if I don’t use it (doesn’t matter if I’m on the toilet or not) he’ll get more.

Doesn’t matter if I’m in there to shower, brush my teeth, or take a piss. Neville will make me use the fucking toilet paper.

I think it’s safe to say mcaila owns the best and weirdest bird ever:

My parrot has a routine where he will ask himself, “Wanna scratch?” and proceed to gently stroke his head with one toe, all while softly murmuring to himself, “Good boy…. a good boy.” He’ll then bite his toe and, after a moment, yell, “OWWWW! DON’T BITE! YOU BAD BIRD!”

He also speaks in his ‘man voice’ whenever he sees someone with short hair, male or female. He’ll also randomly say, “I love you,” followed by, “what the fuck?”

Jimmypopjr’s cat has impeccable manners:

Our female cat Bijou gives polite little meows whenever someone sneezes or coughs.

CinLordofGwynder’s is a bit bolder than that:

My cat pats me on the mouth when I cough. I feel like she’s telling me to shut up.

Meanwhile selectivelydefective’s cat takes it too far:

My cat puts her paw over my mouth when I sing. Definitely telling me “That’s enough for now.”

Victoryvines’ dog built itself a world of horror:

My dogs rip out the squeakers of toys, so we bought them a 6-foot caterpillar with a squeaker in every section. One of them finally tore a squeaker out and as she was heading off to show it off to the other one, she stepped on another section of the toy and it squeaked.

Imagine murdering someone and ripping out their heart, only to have them get back up and smile at you. That’s how terrified that little dog was.

MrsDrZoidberg’s cat appreciates quality ingredients:

My cat loves vegetables and won’t get out of my face when cooking. He goes crazy whenever I cut an avocado, but I’m afraid to let him try it. I have to put him in a separate room just to eat guacamole.

Jenny_red’s dog has a bedtime routine:

My dog refuses to get up off the couch and go to bed on her own. My husband has to pick her up off the couch, cradle her like a baby while he carries her upstairs, and then has to tuck her into her bed. She’s a 50 pound pit bull.

AirhornSonofFoghorn has an alarm dog:

My dog goes to bed at 8:30 every night. When I say goes to bed, I mean he stops whatever he is doing, leaves whoever he is with, and goes upstairs. [He] gets into my bed, pulls the pillows off, digs back the covers, burrows under and goes to sleep. Then when I come to bed later on, he acts annoyed that I am waking him up.

The oddest thing about this is that he does it at 8:30 every night without fail. Not 8:25 or 8:33, 8:30. No idea how he does that.

Br4in5’s dog is indecisive at best:

My dog absolutely loves chews – regular rawhide sticks, pig ears, you name it. The twist is that she very, very rarely actually chews on them. Oh no. She will put one in her mouth, systematically pace every square goddamned inch of the space, and finally proceed to hide it. If you see her doing this, it’s all a bust, and she has to find a new spot. She occasionally hides one, only moments later to decide that her spot wasn’t good enough, at which point she retrieves it. Rinse, repeat. Sometimes, she’ll pick a spot but can’t quite get it hidden enough. This usually manifests as her nosing the chew hundreds of times into a particular crack in a chair’s cushions, or into a fold in our big beanbag seat. Then, something magical happens. She gets pissed and she starts bitching. She will whine, very loudly, and it sounds like a pigeon having a stroke.

Yesthisisdog89’s cat loves his owner’s boyfriend:

My cat gives my significant other “baths” every day. He just waits till he’s laying down and then goes and licks his hair for him. He is compelled to do this every time my boyfriend’s head is within reach. He’s a few slices short of a loaf I think, but really sweet.

Their horse settles for candy, though:

My horse loves Skittles apparently. He stole the pack I was eating and tipped it into his mouth. You could hear all the skittles hitting his teeth. Then he gave the empty pack back to me.

Drzoidburger’s pet is a bit lethargic:

My pet rock doesn’t move from his favorite spot until I physically pick him up and move him. It’s like he’s now incapable of moving on his own.

Photo by Joe Sullivan on Flickr

Copyright © 2015 My Damn Channel, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Designed in collaboration with Wondersauce.