Facebook just changed your profile pic to this bike Mark Zuckerberg is trying to sell.
Facebook just bought you a dog. It’s being delivered between 2 and 4 so please be home or it’ll be a homeless dog.
Facebook just locked you out of your Timeline while it thinks through some shit.
Facebook just sexted your “in a relationship” partner. That was just, like, a goof relationship status, right?
Facebook just copied your webcomic to imgur.
Facebook just added Becoming Sister Wives to your Amazon wishlist because you’re not the profile your husband looks at the most.
Facebook just launched Beacon again because let’s just see if you notice this time.