Slacktory

Marie in Everybody Loves Raymond

The infamous pedophile-themed Diff’rent Strokes episode is not the only surprisingly dramatic sitcom ep. The following plot descriptions, all more situation than comedy, come from actual TV listings. I’m not twisting them to make them sound worse.

“Rose makes a fatal mistake when she allows her boyfriend to spend the night with her.” — Golden Girls

“Students are suspected of murder when Mr. Feeny is found dead.” — Boy Meets World

“The sight of Robert’s ex-wife prompts the family to reminisce about the demise of the marriage.” — Everybody Loves Raymond

“Mrs. Garrett suffers a financial crisis.” — The Facts of Life

“The students are shocked during the Christmas season to discover the new girl working in Mr. Moody’s store is homeless.” — Saved By The Bell

“Bernie is sued for being a negligent parent after a birthday bash for Bryana results in broken bones.” — The Bernie Mac Show

“Joy accepts her dying boyfriend’s (Kevin Nealon) marriage proposal.” — Hot in Cleveland

“Arthur feels he’s been scammed when he orders a gravestone.” — The King of Queens

“Kelly earns $1,000 in three nights.” — Married…with Children

“History comes back to haunt Zack when the S.S. Tipton docks at the site of an old shipwreck in New Orleans.” — The Suite Life on Deck

“Little Ricky wanders off while Ricky and Fred watch a football game.” — I Love Lucy

“Family and friends try to cheer up heartbroken Roseanne after she locks herself in her room.” — Roseanne

“Jessie turns to caffeine pills as a result of the pressure with midterms and her singing group.” — Saved by the Bell

“The boys panic when it appears they caused a woman’s death.” — South Park

“Moesha’s high-school graduation day is met with disappointment when her college application is rejected.” — Moesha

“George considers taking bribes from his father-in-law and best friend in exchange for permission to date his long-lost sister.” — George Lopez

“When Carly suspects her new boyfriend of cheating, the gang plans a trip to Los Angeles to try and catch him in the act.” — iCarly

“Nikki thinks she is witnessing a murder while spying on the professor’s neighbors.” — The Parkers

“Malcolm alerts the ACLU when he encounters censorship while working on the high-school literary magazine.” — Malcolm in the Middle

“Howard’s mom winds up in the hospital after hearing news of her son’s engagement to Bernadette.” — The Big Bang Theory

“Daphne and Niles pay a price for their love confessional when Donny and Mel seek revenge.” — Frasier

“Cheryl’s recently widowed mother (guest star Kathleen Noone) introduces her fiancé to the family, drawing disapproval of the whirlwind romance.” — According To Jim

“Hank and Bobby declare a state of emergency to protect the house from disasters after Hank forgets to mail the insurance payment.” — King of the Hill

“Charlie asks Mac to beat up the waitress’s new boyfriend.” — It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

“Chandler and Janice reach a turning point in their relationship; the Ugly Naked Guy may be dead.” — Friends

“After eating a flag, Dr. Zoidberg is accused of desecration and sentenced to death, prompting his people to invade Earth and enslave its people.” — Futurama

“An elderly black patient refuses to be operated on by Will because he’s black.” — Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns

“Doug and Carrie feel inadequate when they discover that their best friends have a very active love life.” — The King of Queens

“Miley’s father takes her home for a reality check when the teen’s soaring popularity threatens to take over her life.” — Hannah Montana: The Movie

“Martin is threatened by Gina’s male friend.” — Martin

“When a teen hurts himself on the Baxters’ property while pulling a prank, Mike is asked to pay the doctor bill.” — Last Man Standing

“Dharma encourages Edward to take a job as a shoe salesman after he has a heart attack scare.” — Dharma and Greg

“Mr. Krabs wishes that he could talk to money.” — SpongeBob SquarePants

“Exasperated with nonstop complaints, Lois throws in the towel, which leads to the rapid breakdown of family life.” — Malcolm in the Middle

“Eric decides to try being a chiropractor but comes to his senses when he nearly cripples Donna.” — That ’70s Show

“The family becomes concerned when a depressed Robert joins an organization that may actually be a cult.” — Everybody Loves Raymond

“Carlton is hospitalized when he mistakes Will’s amphetamines for vitamins on the night of the senior prom.” — The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

“George sets out to create a legacy for himself so he’ll be remembered long after he’s dead.” — The Jeffersons

“Rose is afraid that a blood transfusion she had several years ago may have contained HIV-infected blood.” — The Golden Girls

“Monica and Rachel’s downstairs neighbor dies and leaves his belongings to the girls.” — Friends

“Shawn tries to intervene when Cory starts drinking to deal with losing Topanga.” — Boy Meets World

“Prejudice rears its ugly head when Julia and Suzanne are accepted into a very exclusive club.” — Designing Women

“Arnold and Dudley become friends with the owner of a local bicycle shop, unaware that he is a pedophile looking for his next victim.” — Diff’rent Strokes

“Guests wind up in the ER when Caroline throws a party for Richard and Julia.” — Caroline in the City

“Randy’s blood test shows he may be seriously ill.” — Home Improvement

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