Man, remember when “too soon” was a thing?
Dick Clark has died. Now we can not ring in the New Year anymore. Well played, Mayans, well played…
— Philip Johnson (@Jiddy7) April 18, 2012
I wish you were all dead so I could make fun of you on Twitter.
— donni(@donni) April 18, 2012
Ryan Seacrest holding strategy meeting to properly calibrate “emotion” in his Dick Clark statement.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 18, 2012
@robdelaney Seacrest is more likely busy feasting on Clark’s still fresh heart in order to absorb the Hosting Powers for himself.
— KateMiddletonJr (@imranwsheikh) April 18, 2012
@adrianchen the main problem with society is that million of people think dick clark’s name is dork clork
— John Herrman (@jwherrman) April 18, 2012
Jesus, poor Dick Clark, had to be the first guy to die after the Tupac hologram
— David Thorpe (@Arr) April 18, 2012
The black guys I follow all have longer Dick Clark tweets than mine :(
— Eli Braden (@EliBraden) April 18, 2012
Somewhere on Earth, Abe Vigoda bites into a blood orange. Juice runs down his chin. He smiles. Tonight he lights another candle. To Cthulhu.
— Mike Monteiro (@Mike_FTW) April 18, 2012
I will remember Dick Clark for what he did best, eating a cheesesteak on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air that one episode.
— sean oconnor (@seanoconnz) April 18, 2012
I’m confused, is today the day we’re supposed to drive our Chevy’s to the levy and get high?
— VerifriedDrunk™®© (@VerifiedDrunk) April 18, 2012
Isn’t it a bit harsh calling Dick Clark “dead”?
— Fresno Arbios (@traciAWESOME) April 18, 2012
Death or another week of Gotye? I think he chose wisely.
— insooutso (@InsoOutso) April 18, 2012
Dick Clark died today. Ryan Seacrest shooed me away from his closet when I attempted to reach him for comment.
— Brendans Tender Nips (@80want) April 18, 2012
Disappointed in the lack of “Scattergories” references.
— Jake Fogelnest (@jakefogelnest) April 18, 2012
“We have to do the intro again, John. Marie fucked up your name.”- Dick Clark, to me, backstage at “Donny and Marie.”
— John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 18, 2012
hold up this is important: did his will say seacrest or daly
— Shane Cyr (@shanecyr) April 18, 2012
If I have to die of a heart attack, it better be massive like Dick Clark’s and not some regular, pussy heart attack like my friend’s Dad’s.
— chris burns (@chrisburns) April 18, 2012
Tito Clark will read from a prepared statement.
— Trelvix (@trelvix) April 18, 2012
Before twitter, celebrities used to sit dead for months and months completely unnoticed.
— MJ (@sucittaM) April 18, 2012
Joke about a dead celebrity! It’s OK, because the people they leave behind don’t have feelings or the Internet.
— Every Tweet Ever (@EveryTweet_Ever) April 18, 2012
@sternbergh Seacrest In, baby.
— Sarah Weinman (@sarahw) April 18, 2012
Someone took the opportunity to slam Dick Cheney because his initials are the same as Dick Clark’s. The genius of that was so very thrilling
— Phil Hendrie (@realphilhendrie) April 18, 2012
It’s wonderful to see such an outpouring of love and remembrance on such a tragic day as we all mourn Demi Moore’s old Twitter name.
— David Vienna (@davidvienna) April 18, 2012
Twitter treats dead celebrities like squeaky chew toys.
— Ish (@Ish) April 18, 2012
FARK NEWS FLASH: Dick in a box fk.cm/go/7057540
— DrewCurtis (@DrewCurtis) April 18, 2012
Seen a funnier one? Leave it in the comments!
Also see our brother site Modern Primate’s catalog of other people’s Dick Clark zombie jokes.