Slacktory

NBA logo says Hey girl

“I’m sorry, I look ridiculous. No, no, I just got too skinny for this belt is all… Ha, you say that but it actually can be annoying to be too skinny.”

 

“’Where is Golden State?’ It’s all around us. It’s like… a state of mind. Namaste.”

 

“Well why don’t you stare back at them? What’s so normal about wearing flannel and jeans, huh? You think you’re smaaaht or somethin’? No, this is my nahmal accahnt!

 

“It’s for self-defense. I’m still kind of getting over my ex.”


“Oh god oh god I’m sorry I’m so late. Were… were you just talking to the Lakers logo? Was he talking about me at all?”

 

“It’s showtime, baby. Starrin’ you, bangin’ me. Hey, did I see you talking to the Clippers logo? What a nerd, right?”

 

“What do I do for my job? Uhh, crouch and jump out of trees, I guess. Sometimes I whittle.”

 

“It’s like you wavin’ a red flag right in my face, girl.”

 

“Show me your tits.” [SLAP] “No, seriously, show me your tits.”

 

“So then the computers short it for like point-four-five seconds before switching around and buying like nuts, and soon I’m not sure where we left the margin call and my boss is on my ass and hey do you like Huey Lewis?”

 

“So this is my third OK Cupid da— oh! Heh heh. Yeah, people do mention that. But, no, it’s still funny! …Well, none of them were as pretty as you.”

 

“Yeah, it does look sort of like jizz, doesn’t it?”

 

“Subtract seven, girly.”

 

“Tattooine, actually. It’s getting gentrified but at least that means the coffeeshop gives a shit.”

 

“It always looks like this the day I wash it. I end up putting too much gunk in and it just looks wet all day. But I’m not, like, a Guido. I don’t want you to think I’m a Guido.”

 

“No actually we’re the capital of California, no one really remembers that, and gaaawwd, this is going badly, isn’t it? ….Gaaawwwd. Dates. We grow a lot of dates up there. There’s a big date festival in like, September? You should come. If we’re still— oh god I’m so weird.”

 

“It’s not funny. That is a symbol of harmful sexual perversion and it looks nothing like me… Well for one, it’s happy. Do I look happy to you right now?”

 

“Yeah, Lyme Disease, like, really sucks? Over it now, though. I just really like the outdoors, I guess. Are you gonna finish that beer?”

 

“Wanna take your talents to my South Beach?”

 

“It’s a great job, actually. A real step up. I spent two years in a cardboard box… Oh no, not living in it, just jumping in and out of it on YouTube.”

 

“I guess that would damage a basketball. Never really thought about that before, actually.”

 

“And some people, they call me ‘Champ.’ You don’t have to if you don’t like it though… but it is the only way I can reach climax.”

 

“That’s just the way my pants bunch up.”

 

“Oh, that profile pic is like three years old, why?”

 

“It symbolizes the blood of my enem— symbolizes. It’s not blood. Well it’s chicken blood. Oh come on, you’re eating chicken, how is this different?”

 

“…And a ‘Pacer’ is the one that goes around the track, after the other cars have crashed? Yeah, no, it’s a pretty shitty metaphor for a basketball team.”

 

“I had the weirdest trip over here. Did you know black and silver are gang colors? We don’t really learn that sort of thing where I’m from.”

 

“Clever girl.”

 

“I like the classic ‘Ella and her fellas’ stuff, not the weird Chick Corea doop-deep-bleep shit.”

 

“And that’s just using one finger.”

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