Slacktory

Derek Paravicini

Derek Paravicini can play thousands of songs by memory and improvise them into different styles, but can’t hold up three fingers when asked.

The blind autistic savant has a YouTube account that’s just starting to get popular as Reddit discovers him.

But the more I watch his videos and listen to his excited intros to every piece, the more I feel like he’s actually just a straight-up genius. He’s so disgusted by the rest of humanity that he’s incredibly snide, so snide he comes across as autistic.

It’s his defense mechanism for not wanting to live on this planet any more. We think he’s Algernon before the flowering, and he’s really Algernon after.

NOTE: THIS IS A JOKE. I AM JOKING. LET US CONTINUE JOKING.

So there’s this guy who can perform Bach with a chamber orchestra…

And he sets up a YouTube offering his prodigious talents to the masses…

And an emissary from the self-styled intellectual forum Reddit asks for “songs from popular movies or video games.”

This man could plumb Liszt for unexplored nuances, and you want the Mario Brothers theme in the style of Ben Folds.

So do I! If I were in a room with this man, I’d totally be Kristen Bell meeting a sloth. And I like to imagine he’d be thinking “What fappery. What rubbish. I’ll play along, because there is no hope of an actual satisfactory life for me, here among 7 billion imbeciles.”

So every time Paravicini introduces one of his pieces in these videos with his excited British voice, I crack up, rocking in my chair. NOW WE KNOW WHO IS THE TRUE AUTISTIC.

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