Slacktory

Posts Published February 2012

  1. The Calling

    “The Calling”: A Delightfully 90s Music Video from Two Weeks Ago

    This music video has goths popping bubbles!

    I’m legitimately happy that the march of technology has not stopped everyone from making 90s-quality videos.

    There’s something about the Mark-Gormley-esque production quality in this music video that makes me imagine these people live in late-night karaoke. Their world is forever soundtracked, forever dim and corsetted. Remember being drunk and awake at 3 AM in a stranger’s white-walled apartment after a Rocky Horror screening? These people are in that moment all the time.

    Watch the music video. »

  2. Larry and Sergey Google bros

    This Shit Matters #2: Google’s New Privacy Policy, Straight Talk Edition

    On March 1, Google rolls out a new privacy policy across all its services. They told you it was important, but you didn’t read it. I translated it line-for-line into PG-13 straight talk so you’ll actually pay attention. I also translated the new terms of service.

    This shit matters starting March 1, 2012, and will replace the old shit. Please see our overview page for extra shit.

    Google is useful as fuck. You can find things, share things, make things, whatever. When you tell us shit about you, we make it even easier for you to do things with our things. Who doesn’t want that? So we want you to know what exactly we do with the shit you tell us, so you don’t accidentally tell us some embarrassing shit.

    Our Privacy Policy explains:

    • What we want to know and why.
    • What we do with it once we know it.
    • What you can and can’t tell us, and how to edit and update what you’ve already told us.

    We’ve worked really, really hard to dumb it down, but quite frankly this is the internet. So if you don’t know what a cookie is, or that you’re using a browser, you should probably do some fucking research, because we’re not trying to teach “Things you should learn in 2003″ here. We’re, uh, we’re from the future here at Google. Really learn this shit, and then let us know if you have questions, except questions that we’ve already answered. Those are the worst.

    So first, let’s learn the shit we’re gonna learn about you. »

  3. Scumbag Google logo

    This Shit Matters #1: Google’s New Terms of Service, Straight Talk Edition

    On March 1, Google rolls out a new terms of service across all its services. They told you it was important, but you didn’t read it. I translated it line-for-line into PG-13 straight talk so you’ll actually pay attention. I also translated the new privacy policy.

    This shit matters starting March 1, 2012, and will replace the old shit. Please see our overview page for extra shit.

     

    ‘Sup!

    Thanks for using our Services. We love it when you use our Services! In case you’re wondering, the magic happens at 1600 Amphitheatre Parkway, Mountain View, CA 94043, United States.

    Oh, hey, by the way, since you’re using out Services, you’ve already agreed to some rules. Which rules? These rules! So read them. We want you to know the rules, obviously, because if you break them, you’re fucked whether or not you’ve read them.

    Our shit does practically everything. Seriously man, it’s really fucking incredible how much you can do with Google, and sometimes we have extra rules for our most powerful stuff. You can find those rules in those places. Follow the rules, or else don’t play with our toys — that seems straightforward, no?

    First rule: Don’t dick around with our shit. »

  4. Nate Smith Topless Tuesday

    Nate Smith: Topless Tuesday

    Guys, I’m having some trouble showing my nips for the Tumblr holiday “Topless Tuesday“.

    Watch me take off my shirt! »

  5. Topherchris Tumblr icons 600

    Topherchris’s Rejected Tumblr Icon Designs

    Tumblr has new icons for its seven post types! They’re slick and simple, but I much prefer these alternate designs I discovered on Topherchris‘s computer.

  6. Ms Depew banner

    Ms. Depew Is Sexy: An Illustrated 4chan Story

    I’ve illustrated the classic 4chan copypasta story “Ms. Depew”. Here it is, original typos preserved.

    Story time /b/. My hot advisor found out I like her. Pic related.

    Ms. Depew

    Now that I’ve got your attention, it’s time to disappoint you: No, I do not sleep with her. No, I don’t even make a sly attempt. If you’re still interested, read on.

    Read how I embarrassed myself in front of Ms. Depew. »

  7. Orlando banner

    New City Slogans

    City mottos are all either Latin (“Sicut patribus sit deus nobis”), Amishy (“Upon This Rock”) or trying too hard (“Gateway to Southern Ohio!”). I’ve made them a bit snappier.

    See the new slogans for Paris, Chicago, Tokyo, New York and more. »

  8. timeboob

    Ask an Evil Genie: Permanent Vacation, Dog Sex and Boob Clocks

    Meredith Haggerty bought a lamp off Etsy and discovered an evil genie. She wished to have a column in a prestigious blog, and the genie gave her this.

    After you read this week’s wishes, make a wish in the comments below. Then read the evil genie’s last installment.

    beachplease wishes: I wish to be on vacation forever!

    Evil Genie replies:

    What You Learned on Your Permanent Vacation or, A Supposedly Fun Thing You’ll Do Forever

    Vacation, all you’ve ever wanted, vacation time to get away and never come back. On the first leg of your never-ending, international tour, your Alaska-bound cruise ship sinks off the coast of Noplace, Canada. How topical! You wish you’d started in Italy, but instead you bob for hours in the icy waters, watching your fellow passengers be eaten by oversized Canuck fish. Somehow, you survive, but the trauma is overwhelming and crippling. You think about going home, but, not wanting to waste your wish, travel on.

    Good news: You don’t get sold into slavery! Bad news: You break both your legs. Read on. »

  9. Nick plays the ukulele
  10. draw-something-title-3

    A Strange Reminder That Some People Will Have Grown Up Not Using Paper

    I recently started playing Draw Something. It’s a free game for iPhone and Facebook in which you and a friend take turns guessing what the other person drew. It’s like Words With Friends in that you can juggle 10 games at once, but it’s much better. Receiving a goofy Spider-Man sketch because your partner had to draw “VENOM” is much better than returning to a Words With Friends board to find out your friend has spelled “VENOM” on a triple word tile and now you’re down 50 points and you just realized you hate this stupid game anyway.

    When I first started playing Draw Something, I didn’t know anybody else who played, so I let the game partner me up with strangers. The thing is, I’m pretty sure those strangers were much younger than me. At least, I’m assuming they’re younger because I imagine teenagers just wander through the internet like lost babies stumbling through a shopping mall, just wide-eyed and lost and not paying attention, so of course they’d play most of their online games with total strangers.

    More judging of teenagers plus a bad drawing of a notepad after the jump. »

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