Gawker: You tell your friends jokes about their ethnicities and sexual orientations. They grin and say “Bitch!” and pretend to smack you.
Huffington Post: Most of your pleasures are guilty pleasures.
Daily Kos: You own a “Disappearing Civil Liberties” mug.
Laughing Squid: You own an unconventional bicycle.
BuzzFeed: Your giggle is too high-pitched.
Gizmodo: You correct people in conversations that you overhear in public.
Lifehacker: You know where your pens are.
Kotaku: Your girlfriend says, “At least when you read a book, you come away having learned something.”
Mashable: Your Facebook feed is all “likes” of news articles you’ve read.
TechCrunch: You “network”.
Jezebel: You convinced your mom to leave your dad, and she’s never been happier.
The Awl: You aren’t snotty about keeping books in good condition, you acknowledge that dogears and scribbled notes are healthy, but you have a few special editions you’d only lend out to a very close friend.
Deadspin: You’re going to kickpunch the next asshole who says “I only watch it for the commercials” as if this is some mark of intelligence.
Boing Boing: You’ve voted for a satirical political candidate.
[EXPANDED version since Boing Boing linked to us: Boing Boing: You are someone's favorite uncle who taught them how to build their own toys. You are someone's "cool" aunt who sends the amazing Birthday gifts from far-off lands. You know swear words in fifteen languages. You have built seven completely different and contest-winning party costumes around a single vintage fez.]
Kottke.org: You read all the liner notes, even if you bought the album as mp3s.
Daring Fireball: You know three ways to tell Helvetica from Arial.
The Hairpin: You got Maira Kalman to draw a cartoon in your book at a reading.
[EXPANSION cause The Hairpin linked us! The Hairpin: You get the importance of hand towels. A lot of other shit in your life is out of control, but you are not gonna make anyone visit your home and dry their hands on your bath towel, like a peasant. You have an uncanny ability to guess the correct time of day within a five-minute range. It's a shame "spunky" is such a gross little word because it used to be a good one and it would be helpful right now.]
Think Progress: You can communicate multiple levels of disgust with your snorts.
Perez Hilton: You were bullied in high school.
The Gloss: You have a purse dog.
PopSugar: You feel comforted by laughtracks.
Neatorama: You’ve bought food from ThinkGeek.
[EXPANDED because Neatorama linked to us: Neatorama: You place rocks in little patterns to amuse future hikers. Netflix recommends you "mind-bending" movies. You look great in layers.]
Serious Eats: You’ve debated about Five Guys vs. In ‘n’ Out.
TreeHugger: You feel bad about how long you take in the shower.
Roger Ebert: You like discovering cheese-and-fruit pairings.
Geekosystem: You used to steal Reddit jokes for your Facebook feed, but your friends caught you.
Autoblog: You use pomade.
Vulture: You have theater tickets.
Stereogum: You have a working definition of “authentic”.
Brooklyn Vegan: You have a working definition of “facon”.
Videogum: You’ve openly scoffed at a celebrity in person.
Hipster Runoff: Your friends squint at you a lot after you say things.
Consumerist: You have some sort of fact sheet, like the Bill of Rights or some measurement conversions, in your wallet.
Cinematical: You refuse to acknowledge that AOL shut this blog down. Jesus, live in the present.
TubeFilter: You’re surprised how much you say “content”.
ReadWriteWeb: You are the only person who actually called your representative about SOPA.
Art Fag City: You’ve fantasized about throwing poop onto something expensive that you actually like, just for the filthy thrill and the knowledge that this will make it worth more to someone foolish.
PostSecret: You try so hard to act mysterious that everyone knows this about you.
I’m Remembering: You own a stuffed animal.
The Frogman: You can’t listen to a Muppets song without singing along.
The Daily What: You like to borrow your friends’ pets.
Slacktory: You keep tripping over your own feet.
Did I skip your favorite blog? Name it in the comments and I’ll tell you what it says about you.
Cigar illustration by Garo Habano Fine Cigars from “What does your cigar say about you?”