Slacktory

What your cigar grip says about you

Gawker: You tell your friends jokes about their ethnicities and sexual orientations. They grin and say “Bitch!” and pretend to smack you.

Huffington Post: Most of your pleasures are guilty pleasures.

Daily Kos: You own a “Disappearing Civil Liberties” mug.

Laughing SquidYou own an unconventional bicycle.

BuzzFeed: Your giggle is too high-pitched.

Gizmodo: You correct people in conversations that you overhear in public.

Lifehacker: You know where your pens are.

Kotaku: Your girlfriend says, “At least when you read a book, you come away having learned something.”

Mashable: Your Facebook feed is all “likes” of news articles you’ve read.

TechCrunch: You “network”.

Jezebel: You convinced your mom to leave your dad, and she’s never been happier.

The Awl: You aren’t snotty about keeping books in good condition, you acknowledge that dogears and scribbled notes are healthy, but you have a few special editions you’d only lend out to a very close friend.

Deadspin: You’re going to kickpunch the next asshole who says “I only watch it for the commercials” as if this is some mark of intelligence.

Boing Boing: You’ve voted for a satirical political candidate.

[EXPANDED version since Boing Boing linked to us: Boing Boing: You are someone's favorite uncle who taught them how to build their own toys. You are someone's "cool" aunt who sends the amazing Birthday gifts from far-off lands. You know swear words in fifteen languages. You have built seven completely different and contest-winning party costumes around a single vintage fez.]

Kottke.org: You read all the liner notes, even if you bought the album as mp3s.

Daring Fireball: You know three ways to tell Helvetica from Arial.

The Hairpin: You got Maira Kalman to draw a cartoon in your book at a reading.

[EXPANSION cause The Hairpin linked us! The Hairpin: You get the importance of hand towels. A lot of other shit in your life is out of control, but you are not gonna make anyone visit your home and dry their hands on your bath towel, like a peasant. You have an uncanny ability to guess the correct time of day within a five-minute range. It's a shame "spunky" is such a gross little word because it used to be a good one and it would be helpful right now.]

Think Progress: You can communicate multiple levels of disgust with your snorts.

Perez Hilton: You were bullied in high school.

The Gloss: You have a purse dog.

PopSugar: You feel comforted by laughtracks.

Neatorama: You’ve bought food from ThinkGeek.

[EXPANDED because Neatorama linked to us: Neatorama: You place rocks in little patterns to amuse future hikers. Netflix recommends you "mind-bending" movies. You look great in layers.]

Serious Eats: You’ve debated about Five Guys vs. In ‘n’ Out.

TreeHugger: You feel bad about how long you take in the shower.

Roger Ebert: You like discovering cheese-and-fruit pairings.

Geekosystem: You used to steal Reddit jokes for your Facebook feed, but your friends caught you.

Autoblog: You use pomade.

Vulture: You have theater tickets.

Stereogum: You have a working definition of “authentic”.

Brooklyn Vegan: You have a working definition of “facon”.

Videogum: You’ve openly scoffed at a celebrity in person.

Hipster Runoff: Your friends squint at you a lot after you say things.

Consumerist: You have some sort of fact sheet, like the Bill of Rights or some measurement conversions, in your wallet.

Cinematical: You refuse to acknowledge that AOL shut this blog down. Jesus, live in the present.

TubeFilter: You’re surprised how much you say “content”.

ReadWriteWeb: You are the only person who actually called your representative about SOPA.

Art Fag City: You’ve fantasized about throwing poop onto something expensive that you actually like, just for the filthy thrill and the knowledge that this will make it worth more to someone foolish.

PostSecret: You try so hard to act mysterious that everyone knows this about you.

I’m Remembering: You own a stuffed animal.

The Frogman: You can’t listen to a Muppets song without singing along.

The Daily What: You like to borrow your friends’ pets.

Slacktory: You keep tripping over your own feet.

Did I skip your favorite blog? Name it in the comments and I’ll tell you what it says about you.

See also: What your favorite video game says about you.

Cigar illustration by Garo Habano Fine Cigars from “What does your cigar say about you?”

  • Mooshie

    Ok, I’ll bite. Right now it’s Gleetardando.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You prefer it when “talking animal” movies don’t make the animals’ mouths move.

  • Anonymous

    Lookbook.nu 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You have names for the different makeup faces you wear to different kinds of clubs, bars and parties.

  • James

    This should be fun: The Sly Oyster

  • Adia8507

    DListed.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You Facebook friended your entire high school class just to hate-follow their stupid lives.

      • Adia8507

        Maybe not all of them… But yeah

  • ddel

    Fffffound.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You could do a much better job than that American Beauty kid explaining why a trash bag in the wind is so transcendent.

  • http://twitter.com/SomnambulistAi Emma Fujii

    XOJane.com
    you could actually do a post like this for “favorite xojane writers”

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      No, I definitely could not.

      xoJane: You have “hair crushes” and unfortunately this is actually the reason your man won’t “go wild” for you, which is what Cosmopolitan has been trying to tell you all along, dude don’t like at her like she’s a bitch just because she’s telling the truth.

  • http://twitter.com/melaneyann_ Melly Mitchell

    MISSMOSS.CO.ZA

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You don’t plan your wedding, you plan your wedding invitations, and blog, and Facebook cover photo, and Instagram stream…

      • http://theycallthislife.net/ Michael

        Don’t forget Pintrest! 

        • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

          You are a pinhed.

  • Bloghaus

    Flavorwire

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You wear your shirts a little further unbuttoned than you feel comfortable, because so far people have responded really positively to it, and you’ll get used to it like you got used to not tucking in your t-shirt in gym class when you were a total nerd in middle school.

  • Nedred

    Slashfilm.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You have this weird thing where you’ll only settle for Starbucks if you’re wearing jeans instead of your work khakis, because while just khakis or Starbucks is fine, if you did both at once you’d feel like you really wasted your early adulthood.

  • Apples

    WWdN: In Exile

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You think xkcd is the best webcomic, denying the obvious superiority (though xkcd *is* good) of Achewood, Penny Arcade and Wondertonic.

      • http://twitter.com/Vimmy Jacob Moore

        Achewood is the best anything.

  • Wendell

    what? no MetaFilter?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      I was gonna save it for a non-blog edition, but what the hell. You only blog once.

      You rallied your artsy friends and your science/coder friends together with a group reading of “Godel, Escher, Bach”, a trip to an “Arcadia” production and burritos in a border town.

  • Cory Myler

    Wonkette?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You combine Arrested Development and Community references in such a complicated web that Mitch Hurwitz himself has told you to sit down and think about accessibility.

  • Wildeerdbeeren

    thisisnthappiness.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are really just fantastic. You’re a human hot fudge sundae.

      • http://claimid.com/peteski peteski

        I was hoping for something a little harsher

        • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

          You’re human horseradish.

          • http://claimid.com/peteski peteski

            thanks

  • Roger

    Talking Points Memo

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are often described as “impeccable”, both in tangible and more metaphysical ways.

  • http://theycallthislife.net/ Michael

    No Verge or Engadget? 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      There are just way too many tech blogs for me to possibly have something interesting for each (because each of these so far has been SUPER-CAREFULLY thought out and truly applies to that blog’s fans and those fans alone). But OK!

      The Verge: You really like getting a raise or a windfall and “leveling up” things around your house, and once caught yourself feeling like that about your girlfriend, which scared you so much that now you’re trying to use this fucking broken coffeemaker why won’t this thing just WORK because you are NOT buying a new one because that coffeemaker has BEEN THERE for you.

      Engadget: Oh my fucking god, shut up about my friends, you don’t have to like them just because I do, I don’t even make you hang out with them but when they come over you have no friends of your own to go hang out with instead of just sitting at your computer listening to us.

  • Lauren

     AV Club

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You lounge in a cashmere bathrobe — no they *don’t* make those, until you funded the most lucrative Etsy “alchemy” project of all time — smoking a cigar full of pot, your very breath so potent that someone could whip it into brownie mix and get so high they could lose the plot thread of “Jack and Jill”. Your smoke (before it’s whipped into brownies, obvs) spells out the words “I approve” and a starving artist finds himself beloved and wealthy. You’re not a kingmaker. Kingmaking is for amateurs. You’re the spinning top three levels down in the kingmaking reverse-hierarchy.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You lounge in a cashmere bathrobe — no they *don’t* make those, until you funded the most lucrative Etsy “alchemy” project of all time — smoking a cigar full of pot, your very breath so potent that someone could whip it into brownie mix and get so high they could lose the plot thread of “Jack and Jill”. Your smoke (before it’s whipped into brownies, obvs) spells out the words “I approve” and a starving artist finds himself beloved and wealthy. You’re not a kingmaker. Kingmaking is for amateurs. You’re the spinning top three levels down in the kingmaking reverse-hierarchy.

  • Fatguyvoice

    io9.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You were doing Walter Mitty long before you’d even heard of Walter Mitty.

      • Fatguyvoice

        (Looks up Walter Mitty)  OMG! So right!

  • Fatguyvoice

    io9.com

  • http://anibundel.wordpress.com/ anibundel

    The Dish (Andre Sullivan)

    The Atlantic (Ta-Nesihi Coates)

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      The Dish: You comment on Salon articles about how Salon has gone downhill.

      The Atlantic: You like squeezing shit into categories it doesn’t really fit into, a habit that’s eventually broken when you get a ticket for driving alone in the HOV lane.

    • Anonymous

      Are you like on a quest to get bloggers’ names wrong? Bloggers you supposedly like and admire? It was the two in a row that got me.

      • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

        I endorse miwome.

      • http://anibundel.wordpress.com/ anibundel

        Ah autocorrect. Where would we be without you?

        Fixt.

        (Thank btw. I was lead here via twitter, commented, and then totally forgot all about it. If you hadn’t said something, this comment may have stood here for all eternity, a testament to what my phone thinks their names should be.

  • Chiggy

    Slashdot

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are sick of people comparing you to Dennis Nedry. It is *never* a compliment, people, so stop trying to pretend it is!

  • Lugh

    Comics Alliance!

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are super glad you figured out that D&D doesn’t have to mean “nerdy” and can in fact be a fantastic way to bond with some cool people and have a few laughs, and it helped you get to know the guy who later introduced you to your wife. (She looks hot in a little cosplay, not that you guys do that outside the bedroom.)

      • http://mordicai.livejournal.com Mordicai

        Oh what I am now suddenly laughing out loud at work.

  • Qtpicheerleader1000

    tumblr

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are the image of space behind all those Helvetica-faced quotes.

  • Julie
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are velvet. You literally are a fabric.

      • http://twitter.com/ajlobster Anna Jayne

        Yes.

  • Lee

    HypeBeast

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You can’t figure out how to get your authentic 35mm photos from your day at Occupy L.A. onto Instagram.

  • itsame

    Collegehumor

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You think watching the movie version counts as much as reading the book.

  • http://www.candicepayne.com Candice

    Pharyngula?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You point a lot of people to the “common misconceptions” article on Wikipedia.

  • http://twitter.com/megslove meghan summer hannah

    thought catalog!

    • Guest

      You are a twenty-something struggling professional that has a complicated love life.

    • Regina

      You are a twenty-something struggling professional that has a complicated love life.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Every birthday, you think “Wow, this is the age that really counts as ‘adult’. I don’t think I’ve accomplished enough!” except half your friends are like “oh god shut up you are SO YOUNG.” Listen, I’m about to turn 28, which is when you really count as an adult, and it’s still annoying to be called “SO YOUNG” but that doesn’t keep me from blurting it out at 24-year-olds.

  • Colleen

    Gorilla vs. Bear

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      The only pictures online of you smiling are from when you’re fucking wasted and they’re all on Last Night’s Party where you’re on a couch fondling an uncomfortable-looking trans woman.

  • http://twitter.com/Monimus Moe

    slate.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Obviously you’re not a golfer.

  • Guest
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You and your friends exchange knitwear.

  • Nino
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You drink a lot of milkshakes with your friends. One night you guys were sick of waiting in line in the store, so you walked in two rows of two, marching in step through the drive-thru, make a “beep beep” noise with your mouths and “pulled up” to the order window, and the employee laughed and laughed and said this didn’t count so you all got on your bikes and pointed out you had two cars’ worth of wheels between you so you ordered double the milkshakes, one for each hand, and you were all trying to straddle your bikes and walk them as you held all your milkshakes and you drank them all and no one threw up except Andy who tried to drink a third.

  • http://www.facebook.com/leon.sandall Leon L. Sandall
  • http://echan.wordpress.com/ EC

    The Sartorialist

    (Even though I already know that the answer is “You spend 30 minutes each day picking out your scarf, all in the hope that a random man with a camera will stop you to take your picture).

    • ZNU

      that’s after moving to NY or europe!

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve spent the last seven weeks — ever since you got the new job with an uptown commute — trying to concentrate on reading your book on the subway and not on making sure you weren’t being too ostentatious about the cover, because it’s fucking *War and Peace* which isn’t even particularly challenging but you feel enormously self-conscious and then ashamed at feeling self-conscious and obsessing over anyone caring about your morning read, and in two days you’re going to give up and take the *New Yorker* on instead which fits into your pocket anyway and you’ll just read *War and Peace* in bed.

  • snuts

    p4k

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re clearly too busy to write whole words on other blogs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=30003282 Houston Lang

    Super Punch

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Your Wacom has some little dents from when you pressed too hard.

  • http://twitter.com/entropos entropos

    Zerohedge.com! 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are fucking sick of people sending you those “how the crash happened” videos, none of which even touch on every major factor, much less give a sense of how complicated this actually got, because people still want to pretend they can develop an informed, vote-driving opinion on this in 4 minutes 30 or less.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1079572435 Byron Himberger

        The man’s a wizard!

  • 浩轩 彭

    iso50.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You always wanted to be a Tenenbaum.

  • Bethmgarrison

    tribut-airy.com

  • guest
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You know the words to “Fishheads”.

  • Benkorn1
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re super excited that more and more teens are putting silly skits online because they have this fresh energy that you don’t get from slick comedy groups that overplay everything.

  • libi

    the chirurgeon’s apprentice?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      I really really really don’t want to sleep with you.

  • Anonymous

    Reason Hit & Run

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’d like your Democratic friends to stop laughing at you, please, you don’t like these candidates any more than they do.

  • Mixolyde

    partialobjects.com!

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve gotten into huge ideological fights with the friends who most closely hold your values. Also you eat waffles.

  • Klou

    Penelopetrunk.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You say “I’m gonna treat myself!” a lot, but you’re not a self-indulgent person or anything, you just get more pleasure out of little things when you recognize and concentrate on that pleasure.

  • Jennybean

    Craftzine.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You have a lot of things stored in Tupperware that are not food.

  • http://twitter.com/dmthewriter Derek Manuel

    yousuckatcraigslist.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You reeeeeally stretch for a “that’s what she said” joke.

  • epony

    Freakonomics & Altucher Confidential come to mind…

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You browbeat your grocery store into doubling coupons just for you.

  • Joey

    CollegeCandy.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You came to this thinking it’d be a young porn star’s indie site, but you didn’t really mind when you were wrong. You had to drag the tab to the left while you opened some actual porn though.

  • http://twitter.com/Gleapsite Gleapsite

    Torrentfreak, hackaday, blog.makezine are some of my favourites

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You eat just the M&Ms in trail mix.

  • http://adamgurri.com AdamGurri

    Marginal Revolution

    • 87katz

      = You can’t listen to politicians speak without thinking, “Mo’ monetary policy, mo’ problems”

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Nothing wins you over better than someone in a position of leadership promising to treat everyone “like adults”.

  • John Holland

    Your Boing Boing description nailed it. This Christmas, I sent my nephew a green laser pointer, a sound transducer that turns any object into an audio speaker, and 500′ of paracord with instructions on how to make a survival belt.

    Nick, you’re psychic.

  • http://twitter.com/geekmorgan geekmorgan

    Jalopnik.com Please?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You weren’t disappointed in Twin Peaks because the story got so stupid, but because they stopped focusing on the charm of rural Americana and the smaller charm of finding oneself charmed.

  • Susanna King

    Conscience of a Liberal: Nobody seems to understand your newfound scorn for Germany.

    • http://twitter.com/ducky_krupnik jill e.

      Everyone thinks that you’re a very serious person but secretly all you really care about is trolling YouTube for more music that you might like.

  • Ryan Kittleson

    drawn.ca

  • Ryan Kittleson

    drawn.ca

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve drawn a big visual pun on the phrase “Get some perspective.”

  • Ryan Kittleson

    oops, stupid disqus, making me post twice

  • Dave uh… Smith
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ll walk out of a small-town diner if the menus look too slick.

      • Dave uh… Smith

         I probably would, too.

  • Lara

    The Bloggess

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You love Friday Night Lights, even season 2, because Tami Taylor has a good arc that season.

      • Castallare

        Oh, wow; this is what I’d asked and it is, in fact, the FIRST misfire I’ve seen Nick execute. You were soooo close. 

  • Anonymous

    How’s about Sadly, No!?

    And since others are playing …

    Firedoglake: You’re still mad you never got that pony Obama never actually promised you, so you on and on and on to a point where you and a Tea Partier are indistinguishable from each other.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      People are avoiding you at parties. How are you still getting invited?

      • Anonymous

        You mean you’re supposed to get an actual invitation instead of just showing up with some cheap scotch and a box of Triscuits?

        Oh … well … I guess that explains a lot.

  • Krystle

    vegansauraus 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re superglad you’re not fat because people would give you so much shit, as if it’s suddenly not rude of them to point out that someone’s fat just because that person has different food boundaries than everyone else.

  • http://twitter.com/theallseeingi Isreal Lawrence

    The Cargo Culte http://thecargoculte.com/

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are unnecessarily French.

  • Stallion1481

    Zero Hedge

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1372964655 Condi Graham

    Mental_Floss

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You like to think your iPhone games are keeping your brain sharp.

  • Rojo

    Bartcop.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Your car has a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker.

  • http://echofox3.blogspot.com efergus3

    echofox3.blogspot.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You just thought of the shittiest ever way to promote your Blogger blog.

      • http://echofox3.blogspot.com efergus3

        Thank you for those kind words and DO come again.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/COZBMDNE6HJHSMXC7CZDYQWJUM Connie Chilton
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      In middle school this more popular girl was super into horses, so you and your friends formed the “Horse Hater Club” and talked about your plans to raise funds, buy a barn, put some horses in it, lock it and burn it to the ground. The girl got really upset and the principal chewed you out and acted like you were some maniac even though it was so obviously just a joke and you’re nice to animals.

  • Anonymous

    Scouting NY

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You look up Woody Allen scripts, delete all the dialog and action, and just read the scene descriptions. It’s quite poetic.

  • Amanda Rachelle Warren

    http://www.Squeefinity.com : You spend hours trying to disguise your kinky side behind a lot of academic mumbo-jumbo. (hehehe)

  • John Carioto

    TechDirt

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You tried hard to make “Larry Ellison Facts” a thing around the office.

  • Yodakin

    themarysue.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You think if Joss Whedon had done everything people like to say he’s done for women in Hollywood, there’d be a female Joss Whedon by now.

  • Holly

    Young House Love

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve been meaning to make a custom lamp.

  • http://profiles.google.com/jen.m.mundy jen.m.mundy
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re disappointed in the piddling trifles that augmented-reality-capable smartphones have delivered so far. You can’t exactly describe the kind of mind-blowing game/app/tool you expected, but you know you will recognize it and you hope it will come soon.

  • Rick

    Metafilter

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Jessamyn posted a Metatalk thread asking people to teach you what “ctrl+F” does.

  • Annelise

    rookiemag.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You will grow up to be the President.

  • Emily Wolfe

    stuff i stole from the internet

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You prefer the advice animals that sort of tell a little story each time, and you loathe the pun ones.

  • http://www.facebook.com/TopShelfBakery Sandra Boiteau

    galadarling:  you have an eating disorder, an abusive boyfriend and crappy self-esteem

    • Mingus_Thurber

      And really, really bad taste in eye makeup.

  • Rachel Milligan

    Tiger Beatdown.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re pissed at me for something, probably because I like Ned Hepburn.

  • ponderguy

    unrealitymag.com?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You bought pre-mixed peanut butter and jelly.

  • Jas

    corporette.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are the opposite of a cat lady. You own negative-three cats.

  • Anonymous

    gofugyourself.com

    You’re like a machine! I love these.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000600550577 Brooke Adam

    hey – what about ONTD?

  • Elijah

    geekologie.com

    • Elijah

      ok, never-mind, this one is too easy.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You only like gadgets that get you laid.

  • http://twitter.com/bencurnett Ben Curnett

    AllSongsConsidered

    DangerousMinds

    Goop

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      At camp, you mix every soda into one cup and every cereal into one bowl and you sit at your own table.

      • http://twitter.com/bencurnett Ben Curnett

        Brilliant. 

  • http://twitter.com/bencurnett Ben Curnett

    AllSongsConsidered

    DangerousMinds

    Goop

  • http://profiles.google.com/kris.wolff Kris Wolff

    That’s weird, the expanded Hairpin thing is eerily me.  EERILY.

  • http://profiles.google.com/kris.wolff Kris Wolff

    That’s weird, the expanded Hairpin thing is eerily me.  EERILY.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=524593996 Pam Newman

    Persephone Magazine! (PersephoneMagazine.com)

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are doing something called a “100 Burpee Challenge” which I think says everything about you right there, no?

      • Anonymous

        Out of the many amazing things about Persephone, I don’t want us to be known as the 100 Burpee Challenge website! 

        • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

          Well you should have thought about that before you encouraged people to live healthy lifestyles.

          • Stephanie

            Dude, you obviously missed the cheese bracket.

          • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

            Haha, if you guys stick around, we’re really gonna like you here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=524593996 Pam Newman

    Persephone Magazine! (PersephoneMagazine.com)

  • Bill

    dooce.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve got a stray hair riiiiiight… therrrrre… I fixed it!

  • Bill

    dooce.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=642227474 Ann Marie Ivins

    Hyperbole and a Half. “Kenny Loggins wouldn’t beat the baby Jesus.”

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You wish that Jack Kerouac line about “the mad ones” hadn’t been ruined. You wish you’d come up with it maybe.

  • Emedmond

    The Comics Curmudgeon

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You were a real joker in school, weren’t you? Pissed off all the teachers, too.

  • MuchoGusto

    thenewinquiry.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re thrilled you found this Kafka novella you didn’t even know existed, and at the good used bookstore, not the other one you feel a little dirty about supporting, with the obvious anti-progressive slant to their curation! You hope that doesn’t indicate anything about the contents of the discovered novella. Nah, couldn’t be true about Kafka.

  • Pantskitty
  • http://cheekypinky.wordpress.com/ Rebecca

    Hi there!!!

    I am uncannily a Hairpinner, but I have to have a holler for longform.org

    Speak, O Muse!

  • Buffalo Bill

    BSNYC

  • Jessapotamus

    The Pioneer Woman

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re a Mormon, but not one of the pushy ones.

  • Jordan
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You own an actual physical object based on a meme. When you’re alone, you wiggle it around and make it talk.

  • Emily

    zen habits

    mnmlist

    hyperbole and a half

    apartment therapy

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You disrespect people’s time.

      • Emily

        LOL you asked.

  • http://twitter.com/jeffunity jeff fowler

    marco.org

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      We should have listened to you.

  • Erykmynn

    regretsy

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re gonna have the funniest menopause ever.

  • Purefog
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You are an appliance.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_H5A5HHKR2BNSXG2UU5DADJZGTI KC

    The Slog

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re jealous of the ironic tourist business Portlandia is gonna bring to, let’s face it, a remake of a city.

  • mbs

    hotair.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve only had one haircut your whole life.

  • hello

    Art of Manliness (though I’m a woman who finds most of it to be stuff about being a grown-up)

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You shave body parts you don’t need to, just because you’re so impressed with your shaving technique and the grooming tools you’ve invested in.

  • JAB

    Televisionwithoutpity

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve seen Running Wilde, and frankly you’re worried about the Arrested Development comeback.

  • Anonymous

    I always trip over my own feet. I guess Slacktory is my new favorite blog.  bookmark!

  • maura

    honestlywtf.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You have an “idea board” and something on it is giving your apartment a bug problem.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nikki-Morse/694924208 Nikki Morse
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re Rob Delaney.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=653323179 Hannibal Tabu

    What about Komplicated? http://www.komplicated.com? They’d surely post a link to you for a mention!

  • Hannah
  • Anonymous

    io9.com

    This is a little scary.

  • http://www.cerebralboinkfest.blogspot.com/ Linda
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve gotta find better ways to drive traffic.

  • Numislit
  • Caitlin

    The Rumpus!

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You cannot fathom how anyone feels it is somehow *bad* to eat local and organic. Like maybe someone could think it’s nerdy or doesn’t matter? But somehow some people are actually *against* it, as a thing, or think it’s highly mockable as something one would even consider.

  • C Tuttle
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You take your coffee black, and you kinda like the “burnt”-tasting brands.

  • Timmo Warner

    Equestria Daily

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You lick all the frosting off your cupcakes first.

      • derpygurl

        I am a pegasister (female form of brony) and lick the frosting off of all of the cakes i eat first, but I rarely visit ED.

  • Anonymous

    Stuff White People Like. (Too obvious?)

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’ve embarrassed yourself by calling someone “exotic” before.

  • apishapa

    I read Firedoglake  and DD linked to you, too.

  • guest

    cuteoverload.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You spend a lot of time talking in non-word sounds.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/75Y7SIAEWVASRBGTFE455LBJ6U W

    fark.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You snort when you laugh.

  • guest

    hackaday.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Nothing in your house just DOES what these things are supposed to DO. It’s all got some glowing indicator or it’s shaped like an animal or a video game power-up and the neighborhood kids all love hanging out there.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DIFAO2Z5EX4D2ZYK5NY5WL5SM4 Dissenting Wren

    Naked Capitalism

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      AKJELX: Those are some letters I made up. But you recognized them as a familiar acronym from one of the most heinous derivatives packages shopped around 2007.

  • Anonymous

    I’m glad for more online slack!  Heretofore, my fave slack site’s been Slacktivist.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You wear a lot of sweaters that cover up your shapely body.

  • http://twitter.com/Kurt_McAllister Kurt McAllister

    TinyMixTapes?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re great at evaluating food trucks.

  • lady

    shine.yahoo.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re so worked up about discovering your son smokes pot that you need to sit and have some wine and Xanax.

  • Anonymous
  • http://twitter.com/becca_oneal Rebecca O’Neal

    Splitsider.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re about to pitch me a great Slacktory piece.

  • Skippybkroo

    my favorite blog is skippy the bush kangaroo

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You live in Rochester, NY and you hang out at Java’s a lot.

  • Cinemamacula

    Destructoid?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You overclocked your dishwasher.

  • ADB_BWG

    Jennie Coughlin’s book blog – http://jenniecoughlin.wordpress.com/blog/
    Etiquette Hell – http://jenniecoughlin.wordpress.com/blog/

  • ADB_BWG

    Jennie Coughlin’s book blog – http://jenniecoughlin.wordpress.com/blog/
    Etiquette Hell – http://jenniecoughlin.wordpress.com/blog/

  • Jeremy Wilson

    Jalopnik?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous
  • http://jasmined.tumblr.com jasmined

    Great post. Also what would you say about http://soupsoup.tumblr.com?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You win trivia night at the bar so often that they’ve started handicapping you.

  • http://albotas.com brownkidd

    Albotas.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You play game music on a ukulele.

  • ljack
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You read a lot of subtitles.

  • http://www.facebook.com/EvilBelgian Bertrand EvilBelgian Logan

    trivialevil.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You’re waiting for the day a post says “Comments (1)”.

  • Mspote

    The Sci-Fi Christian

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Aw kid, I had so much hope for you. At least your favorite worship music is Bach.

  • http://awesomesauciness.wordpress.com/ awesomesauciness

    awesomesauciness.wordpress.com

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Your name should be Greg. Gregory Gray.

      • Awesomesauciness

        Gasp! However did you guess?

  • guest
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Well you sure give a fuck about the Honey Badger.

  • guest
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Life for you is an unending series of surprises. You like dogs so much because you think alike. Hey! Something’s moving! Let’s go play with it!

  • Anonymous
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Noises! Lights! Wow!

  • Aaron Murray

    Very funny.  (I arrived via BoingBoing, for what it’s worth.)

  • Anonymous

    drinkoftheweek.com everyone thinks you are an enthusiast but you are really just a lush

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Wow, gonna finish every bout of sex with your own handjob? We’re breaking up.

  • SugarPeach

    dlisted.com.  Michael K. is the Pulitzer Prize writer of Gossip. Also, he’s a slut. Just like me.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous
  • Chris1137
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You were this close to solving Fermat’s Last Theorum before that jackoff Wiles beat you.

  • Anonymous
    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      Everyone compared notes and they all agree: You are killer in bed. Most people don’t actually have “moves” but you do, and they’re like if VICE did Cosmo-style sex advice. Do us all a favor and stay single a little longer.

  • caz

    Juancole.com (Informed Comment) 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      All your books are hardcovers without dust jackets, and movie studios rent your library to shoot Victorian dramas.

  • Karen Biscopink

    html giant

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You would prefer not to.

  • Aoswalt21

    thechive.com 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You have a shirt that says “I’m such a nerrrrrrrrd!” and you don’t know how to update your phone’s apps.

  • castallare

    TheBloggess.com
    TheSuperficial.com

    • Castallare

      Nevermind on TheBloggess; I found your response waaaay down below. 

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      The Superficial: You don’t need as many high heels as you think you do. And stop snarking on the girls who always wear jeans to the office.

  • B Stolk

    You missed slashdot.

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      And yet I keep shooting.

  • http://twitter.com/iWannaWorkInAd Stepa Mitaki

    My favorite blog is GOOD (http://www.good.is/). What about them?

    • http://toomuchnick.com Anonymous

      You just realized that GOOD is a play off VICE. Also, you’re confused about what kind of light bulb you’re really supposed to be buying.

  • Rutybear

    Pintrest?

  • Anonymous

    we hairpin readers are everything cool…

  • http://www.ElectroKnol.com/ Sunil Tomar

    wow you very  well understand language of blogs…

  • Shankman

    Cracked?

  • http://www.facebook.com/dccarles Devin Carless

    http://textsfromlastnight.com/ You enjoy feeling superior to 22-year-old prealcoholics.

  • Clayton

    LewRockwell?

  • http://www.facebook.com/sara.bodinson Sara Bodinson

    Dlisted

  • Laura
  • Ann

    hyperboleandahalf.com: After all these years, you still aren’t over your college girlfriend/boyfriend. And you thank god that Facebook doesn’t provide info on who visits whose pages.

  • Regina Bluman

    thefrisky.com?

  • Sophia Sarah

    I finally had to tug giz and lifehacker from my google reader yesterday. it is not that I hate them most as there are such a lot of flamebait posts latterly that it’s distracting – exhausting to resist the urge to travel explore the comments, which becomes a time sink :). http://bit.ly/YazRwh

  • Patita Barbieheads
  • http://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/reintegration/returning-to-home-life-after-deployment.html THANK YOU Dr Brave

    HOW MY RELATIONSHIP WAS SAVED BY DR BRAVE!!!

    My name is Natalie am from California, i never believe that my ex boyfriend will ever make up with me again just because of the incident that happened on a day that suppose to be his engagement night he called me on phone asking me to came and meet him at royal palm bunch hotel,that same hour on my way going there i meant an old time friend called jack will son,he was my first love during our high school days he put some pressure on me that same night but i tried my possible best to explain every thing to him that i am with some one already but he refuse to understand me and still putting more pressure on me saying that i should hangout with him,we were together all through that night,and my boy friend waited for me all through that night.but i never known all in the name of old time sake i was dealing with the wrong person jack i known before later turn into something else after having sex with me,my boy friend was hot and was very agree with me because he was to propose to me that same night but i never known of that i apologize to him and told him a lie that my father was ill that i was the only one available to talk him to the hospital,he was convince but later few days to our wedding some body from no were came and testify against me that i have been cheating on my boy friend with an evidence of a photo of that same incident that happen between i and jack. my boyfriend was very agree with me and throne me out of his house saying is over between both of us,he discovered that his ex girlfriend who traveled to Canada to visit her uncle was back he later go back to her and i held he was planning to marry her,but due to what happened i still loves him very much and i Bella can not afford to loose him to another,i sick for help in difference places but there was no solution,last i meant my friend jenny we both attend this same high school together so i shale my problems with her and she introduce me a powerful DR called Brave,Dr Brave help me in getting my love one back immoderately without any delay my ex boyfriend later came back to me with much love and our wedding was planned and we finally got wedded and blessed with three lovely kids. I Bella will forever be thankful to Dr Brave for helping me restore my marriage back he can also do the same for you email: bravespellcaster@gmail.com

  • derpygurl

    I like a Blogspot blog called CinnamonBunzuh. http://www.cinnamonbunzuh.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.military.com/spouse/military-deployment/reintegration/returning-to-home-life-after-deployment.html Jeffrey Dowling

    Thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family?

    Hello to every one out here, am here to share the unexpected miracle that happened to me three days ago, My name is Jeffrey Dowling,i live in TEXAS,USA.and I`m happily married to a lovely and caring wife,with two kids A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again. So on one evening,as i was coming back from work,i met an old friend of mine who asked of my wife So i explained every thing to her,so she told me that the only way i can get my wife back,is to visit a spell caster,because it has really worked for her too So i never believed in spell,but i had no other choice,than to follow her advice. Then she gave me the email address of the spell caster whom she visited.(bravespellcaster@gmail.com}, So the next morning,i sent a mail to the address she gave to me,and the spell caster assured me that i will get my wife back the next day what an amazing statement!! I never believed,so he spoke with me,and told me everything that i need to do. Then the next morning, So surprisingly, my wife who did not call me for the past seven {7}months,gave me a call to inform me that she was coming back So Amazing!! So that was how she came back that same day,with lots of love and joy,and she apologized for her mistake,and for the pain she caused me and my children. Then from that day,our relationship was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, was now stronger than how it were before,by the help of a spell caster . So, i will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks.

    Are you passing through any of these problems,

    DO YOU NEED YOUR EX BACK VERY FAST

    DON YOU WANT YOUR LOVER TO LOVE YOU AS NEVER LIKE BEFORE

    ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM A LONG TIME SICKNESS

    ARE YOU FACING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS

    ARE YOU SEEKING FOR A GOOD JOB

    DO YOU WANT TO BECOME A HOUSE OWNER

    ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A FIRST CLASS GRADE

    DO YOU WANT TO COME OUT FIRST IN YOUR EXAMS

    ARE YOU A STAR AND YOU WANT TO BE SO POPULAR TO THE WHOLE WORLD

    DO YOU WANT TO BE RICH

    DO YOU WANT YOUR BUSINESS TO KEEP MOVING

    DO YOU HAVE A COMPANY OF ANY KIND AND YOU WANT IT TO EXPAND

    DO YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE TO KEEP TO YOUR WORLD

    ARE YOU FACING ANY MARITAL PROBLEMS

    ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO GET PREGNANT FOR YOUR HUSBAND

    ARE YOU EXPERIENCING MISCARRIAGES ANY TIME YOU TAKE IN

    DO YOU WANT TO COMPETE IN ANY LOTTERY GAME

    ARE YOU FACING HARDSHIP

    HAVE YOU BEEN THREATENED BY SOMEONE

    DO YOU WANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL IN ANY THING YOU LAY YOUR HANDS ON

    IS YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER BEHAVING STRANGELY

    ARE YOU FACING WITCH CRAFT MANIPULATIONS

    DO YOU WANT TO CAST A STRONG LOVE SPELL ON YOUR GIRL OR BOY FRIEND

    DO YOU NEED MAGIC POWERS TO DO ANY THING YOU WANT

    ARE YOU FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO CHOOSE A LIFE PARTNER

    DO YOU WANT YOUR PARENTS TO BE PROUD OF YOU

    ARE YOU EXPERIENCING FAILURE AND DISAPPOINTMENT IN ANY THING YOU DO.(ETC)

    I will advice you out there to kindly visit the same website http://bravespellcaster.yolasite.com,if you are in any condition like this,or you have any problem related to “bringing your ex back. So thanks to Dr Brave for bringing back my wife,and brought great joy to my family once again.{bravespellcaster@gmail.com} , Thanks…………………………………………….

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