The news broke last night that North Korean Dictator, Kim Jong Il, has died at age 69. Slacktory may not have gotten the scoop on his passing, but we did get an exclusive on Kim Jong Il’s tour of the afterlife.
You may recall that Kim Jong Il had a passion for looking at things. Just because he’s dead doesn’t mean Kim Jong Il doesn’t want to keep looking at stuff. Being the controlling dictator that he was, Kim Jong Il was very adamant that his final resting place be exactly to his liking.
Kim’s first stop was Heaven.
Wait…is this Heaven? No, this is Iowa.
That’s more like it. At first Heaven seemed to be to his liking. But upon ascending the stairway to heaven he learned that, just as Disney prophesied, all dogs do go to Heaven.
This would just make him eternally hungry. So he decided to see what his other options were. On his way to Hell, Kim passed through Purgatory.
It seemed tempting, but who is going to clean up that mess? Next stop, Hell.
Wait…is this Hell?
No, this is Hell. But wait…is it?
No. This is Hell.
Suddenly, Kim Jong Il entered the Matrix.
Morpheus told him he could go anywhere he wanted just by thinking it.
Finally Kim Jong Il had found a place he could spend eternity and truly be happy, until he ran into Sad Keanu.
“Why are you so sad Keanu?”
“Because, like…none of this is real.”
Could that be true? Was this all a dream?
Was Kim ever actually dead? Or was this all some elaborately strung together storyline that made absolutely no sense? Will Kim Jong Il wake up back in his very own bed?