Slacktory

Google-plus-quits

Mr. *: So why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself? You’re not the type of glyph we usually see around here. Why the transition into publishing?

Mr. +: Well, first off, thanks for the opportunity to meet with you today. So… my current position is just not quite panning out. And now I see I was made for, well, work like what you guys are doing.

I was a huge nerd in high school. I wanted to be one of the guys in the woods behind the bleachers, carved into a tree declaring “Ryan + Tiffany 4 Eva”. No such luck, all I ever did was math—well, I also dabbled in computer programming.

Mr. *: I know what you mean, we can’t all work between the “y” and the “s” in Macy’s! I’m an asterisk, not a star! Heh heh. Ahem. So, can you give me a bit more of your background? What were you doing before your current job?

Mr. +: Well, right before Google+ I worked for Apple on the volume button of the iPhone 4. It was a great experience with lots of highs and lows, but I learned a lot. It reminded me of when I was a kid, I was part of the original Nintendo controller. I’m young, but I’ve been working my whole life. My first boss whipped me into shape, saying otherwise I’d end up delivering bad news on a pregnancy test. I think that’s why I’m so driven.

Mr. *: Do you have any prior experience specifically in citations?

Mr. +: Well yes actually, my first job after college was in a style manual. I met some really super scripts there. But I moved on because I wanted to see the world. My dad flew on a helicopter in Vietnam—well, on the side of one—so I wanted a real adventure. I thought about becoming an international dialing symbol, but I’m terrible with languages. Then, things started to happen for me in the technology field.

Mr. *: Have you ever had a negative work experience and what did you do about it?

Mr. +: Yes, when I was starting out I got some work with Diet Coke, but nobody knew what the heck I was doing there. I was completely out of place on that label; I just wasn’t actually adding anything. It helped me realize that I thrive in a more creative environment, so I made the move to Apple. I’m not ashamed to say that I really raised the level on the iPhone. The folks at Google found me after what they described as “an exhaustive search”. They snapped me up quickly, before Apple could entice me with the 4S.

Mr. *: That is impressive. How do you like Google?

Mr. +: The job was great, but I have to admit I wasn’t used to all the power and glamour that comes with it. Hung out with a lot of pound signs and ampersands, but they just wanted me to get them into clubs. Naturally, I dated a lot of air quotes, most of them were misused. Had a fling with an exclamation mark, really dramatic. Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m not racist…

Mr. *: That’s okay, I know what you mean about those exclamation marks; I got set up with one from Spain. Her world was just totally upside down. But honestly, you’re in a great company, why leave Google?

Mr. +: Well, things have just not taken off like I was promised in the beginning. I’m trying to move away from that world and just be true to what I am, which is very positive. That’s what I think I could bring to the footnotes game really, in one word—positivity.

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