Slacktory

Hurr horse on Zagat logo

Google just bought Zagat. Weird, right? A search company buying a food reviewer? Well obviously it’s so they can start reviewing the internet.

AOL: The “internet button on the computer” provides “my letters” and “the virus checker.” Users can “say hi to your cousin, remember her birthday’s coming up,” watch “this cat is funny and reminded me of you” and “need your help with the DVD player, please come over, did you get my instant message, Love Mom.”

YouTube: This “fake and gay” site is full of “shit” videos, which were often “made by your mom.” Video creators give “thanx to all the subscribes.” The community is made of “fags” who “want my two minutes back” and “27 people jerk off to george bush.”

Twitter: “Plz RT” this “#win” community of “SEO experts” who are “just trying out this Twitter thing” and “bored, wats up all”.

eBay: Though at sixteen years old this site is “authentic vintage,” it’s still “prime mint great condition” or at least “gently used.” “Shipping is extra” so please “READ DESCRIPTION!!!” so your experience can be “A++++++++++++ WOULD BUY AGAIN”.

Wikipedia: No “citation needed” to know that this site is “notable” and “meets criteria” for excellence. If you’ve got any work to do today, it’s “marked for speedy deletion”!

Facebook: “Lots of luv and prayers” go out from the “wacky crazy ladies” who rule this site! They “shout out to all my BFFs” and “can’t wait for the weekend!” “FML” if you’re “dreading Monday,” but “vacation time was a blast”, as demonstrated in “Random Trip Pics (359 photos)”.

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