Slacktory

Virtual Planking

My editor asked me if I could find examples of planking in video games. He figured there would be MILLIONS of examples. Since he is my boss, I am going to say that his estimation was verrrrry close.

In reality, after scouring several internets, I have discovered that there are 12 examples. Also, they aren’t very interesting or funny. But the thing is, when life hands me lemons, I take them to a nursing home and throw them at the elderly… because it brings me joy.

It all began with this image of E. Honda from Street Fighter doing a mid-air plank.

Editor in Chief, Nick Douglas, saw this and thought…

Then my hellish journey began. I did the standard Google searches. “Video game planking” seemed the obvious first choice. That turned up a few things. I found Luigi deciding to end it all by planking in a busy street. He just couldn’t stand Mario always hogging the spotlight.

Then I found this image from Call of Duty which looked like it had been run through every photo filter on the iPhone.

(Taken with instagram)

Things were not looking good for video game planking. I decided to do a more targeted search. Perhaps if I looked for planking in specific games it would yield better results. I started with The Sims and found this.

I really think that is close enough. I mean, there is a plank involved. Nick can’t withhold payment over semantics, right?

Luckily, after much searching, I found some actual planking on Sims message boards.

 

That’s pretty good, right?

Then I discovered that this Sims lady is another severely depressed mass of suicidal polygons.

I’m starting to notice a disturbing trend here. This fun-loving planking article is really turning morbid.

Let’s move on to Minecraft and see what it has to offer.

Well, that’s crap.

I should probably stick to games with better graphics and more lifelike characters. Halo! Those Halo nuts are always doing silly stuff. I’m positive they are planking like crazy.

WHAT THE CRAP HALO?

I’m starting to feel sad. I’m going to look for a cat planking to cheer me up.

CAT PLANKING! Why couldn’t I have done that story? But noooooo, I’m stuck with these suicidal sprites depressing the hell out of me.

World of Warcraft! That will be my saving grace. Those basement dwellers are sure to have planked their level 60 thingamabobs. Alright Google, what have you got?

FINALLY! Now that is a hilarious video game plank. I should have started with WoW in the first place. I’m feeling much more emotionally stable now. It’s nice to see that there is a game free of suicidal planking.

I quit. END OF ARTICLE.

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